Friday, November 12, 2004

Scheer Stupidity Causes Blogger to Descend Into Madness

LA Times columnist Robert Scheer is one of the more caustic KADs out there. I remember many of his screeds following the 2000 election went beyond hysterical. I thought that at the time it was just the emotion of the time. I have come to realize that Bob is really just a whack job. If you don't believe me, just look at the title of one of the several books he has written that nobody has read (and I am not making this up): "Thinking Tuna Fish, Talking Death: Essays on the Pornography of Power". Uh, whatever you say, Bob.

The main problem with Scheer is that not only does he possess an empty intellect like most other KADs, but he is an awful writer as well. His writings usually are nothing more than a series of rants, disconnected from reality, strung together into a short essay so as to justify his paycheck. Geez. If I wanted to listen to a bunch of little bitches whine about conservatives, I'd just go to the Democrat Underground Homepage (or "DUH" for short - I won't link to it; your IQ drops 10 points by just looking at it). The kookiness of the losers that post there for free is entertaining, if disturbing. On the other hand, it's kind of depressing to think that Scheer actually makes more money than me for writing his crap once a week. At least Molly Ivins, when she is experiencing her rare intervals of lucidity, can write.

So, without further ado, I lay into Scheer's latest tirade. As always, text in [brackets] is mine:



He Won. Live With It, for Now. [Hey everybody! It looks like the lefties are finally to the final stage of grieving: acceptance. Bully for you, Bob]

In no time at all, Bush will be the lamest of ducks [Nope, I was wrong. They're still stuck on anger]. ***...there is no shame in losing a presidential election by .001 of the national electorate — the equivalent of 136,483 misguided Ohioans [So you are admitting that the other 2.6 million Ohioans who voted for Bush were not misguided. That's very big of you]. More important, there is no room for a crippling depression on the part of Democrats while the nation remains in irresponsible hands [Irresponsible for mitigating an inherited recession; irresponsible for leading this county through its darkest day in generations; irresponsible for freeing some 50 million muslims from tyrany] for another four years.

[I am omiting an embedded editoral correction that appeared in this space that I have already incorporated into the sentence above. Apparently Bobby doesn't know the difference between .001 and .001 per cent. I felt no need to chastise Bob for his infacility with numbers or math. This is an affliction most liberals share and needn't be dwelt upon.]
The good news is that unless George W. Bush is hoping to provoke Armageddon, life will go on. In fact, there is another national election a mere two years from now. By then, some of the far right now chortling about the possibility of flat taxes [this is the first I've heard of that - and I am right-wing. Nobody's been "chortling" (interesting word in this context, by the way; have you been using your thesaurus? ) about the flat tax since Steve Forbes ran for president. Besides what is wrong with a flat tax? Rich people would still pay much, much more under a flat tax than your beloved "middle class" would. Is your problem that a flat tax doesn't screw achievers enough? Taxes exist to raise revenue, not to be a punitive burden on those who excel.], repealing Roe vs. Wade [Whoa there! You can't repeal a Supreme Court decision. It can be reversed or vacated for compelling reasons by the Supreme Court or abrogated (if you don't know what "abrogated" means, look it up in the dictionary, Bob. Right after you look up "repeal") by a Constitutional amendment, but not repealed, you dork. Legislatures do repealing. I am a lawyer so I think I am qualified to talk about this. You, on the other hand, Bob, are a newsman, which means your area of expertise is asking questions and writing in complete sentences. And while we're on the subject of Roe v. Wade (which is like the New Testament for liberals), let's address this most disingenuous of left-wing propaganda. Pop quiz, kiddies: True or False - The reversal of Roe v. Wade will result in the national banning of all abortions. The answer is FALSE. If Roe is reversed on December 1st, abortion will still be legal on December 2nd. The only difference would be that state legislatures would have the freedom to regulate it. But they have to pass a law - and have it signed by a governor first. Some state constitutions would still prohibit the same state laws that Roe now does, because they contain an explicit privacy clause. The Supreme Court had to make up such a clause in the Federal Constitution in order to reach the result that it did in Roe. That is what is so repugnant about that decision. So in short, Bob, even if your precious Roe v Wade is reversed or vacated ("repealed" by the court), you will still be able to kill babies in California.] and privatizing Social Security will have found that winning control of a nation on the skids [the only way you can believe that the nation is on the skids is if you have been hiding in the basement for the past 2 years. Or you're a moron] isn't everything it's cracked up to be. After all, at some point the Bush White House will have to stop blaming the Clinton administration for its own mistakes. If the Republicans running all three branches of our government continue to pile up outrageous debt [Hey look! A liberal concerned about massive debt!], shackle scientific progress with religious fundamentalism [KEEP EUGENICS SAFE AND LEGAL!], erode civil liberties [How? By enforcing a law that effectively applies RICO to terrorists?] and thrash about uselessly abroad [I've got 50 million people that don't think it's useless. Besides, what can be considered more useless than France?], the responsibility will be all theirs. [At least we accept responsibility for something other than abortion rights.]
The GOP has met its old bugaboo, incompetent Big Government, and it is them. No doubt Rush Limbaugh and friends will continue to blame us liberals for everything that goes wrong, [because it is your fault] but that old scapegoating game won't fly with the American public forever [it will as long as you people keep trying to impose socialism and keep calling half the population stupid hicks]. As we family-values folks [don't make me laugh. You are really starting to get on my nerves, Bob] like to tell our children when they qualify for their driver's licenses, with power comes responsibility. "Watch where you're going" is the main advice I would offer the president [this president's success has a lot to do with him NOT taking advice from people like you. Oy, you are starting to give me a headache], reminding him that during the last four years his steering has been erratic and his vision blurry. We don't need any more bloody wrecks like Iraq. [Yes, a "bloody wreck". At the rate casualties are piling up in Iraq, this war will match Vietnam's casualty figures in about 60 years. WWII's in 450.] That John Kerry didn't make this case more clearly was the one glaring mistake of his campaign. [That and having no position on anything other than tax hikes and abortion.] But I don't want to get down on Kerry, an honorable and thoughtful man who [throws like a girl] eventually got around to making a strong critique of Bush's handling of Iraq. [I believe this critique was nothing more than "I can do it better and more sensitively".] I don't think any candidate would have had a much easier time cutting through the pseudo-patriotic blather [I swear to God, If you insinuate one more time that we conservatives are nothing more than a bunch of Bible thumping, jingoistic hicks, I am going to snap] that Bush has exploited since the 9/11 tragedy. The reality is that most Americans believe we are in an epic war that compares to those fought by generations past [we are]. History [what the hell do liberals know about history, anyway?]tells us that sitting presidents in those circumstances have something akin to political immunity. Bush also cynically put the tab for this war on the nation's credit card so he could buy votes among the wealthy with his regressive tax cuts [yes, the wealthy are such a HUGE voting bloc] — take voters who make more than $100,000 out of the equation and Kerry wins [take dead voters out of the eqation and Bush doubles his margin of victory], according to CNN exit polls [Yes, those polls were SO accurate]. Taken in this light, the fact that the somewhat phlegmatic [thesaurus!] Kerry secured almost half the vote doesn't look so bad. And since when is it shocking news that an incumbent president can get away with massive lying during wartime? [If by "lying" you mean "telling the truth"...] Or that bold strides forward for human rights, like the gay marriage initiatives [Oh please! Human rights my (firm and supple) ass. Anyone have a Xanax?], initially produce intolerant reactions? [That and intellectual masterbaters like you, Bob.] Don't get me wrong: With an ideologically radical party in control of all three branches of government [like during the L.B.J. administration?], the capacity for mischief — and misery — during the next few years is frightening. If Bush can place more ideologues like justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas [apparently in Bob's world, "idealogue" means "reads the constitution before applying it"] on the Supreme Court, things could be very ugly. The religious hucksters who skirted the limits of federal law --
ARRRRGH!!!! STOP ALREADY! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!
MAKE THE BAD MAN STOP! PLEASE MAKE THE BAD MAN STOP!
I have been beaten. But take heart. Even an encephalitic mosquito can fell a buffalo. I shall recover from my liberal-inflicted insanity. All signs indicate that Scheer's stupidity is permanent. And he's ugly too.

No comments: