Tuesday, December 21, 2004

KAR: F.A.Q.

Former Strib sports columnist Dan Barreiro would write the occasional "mailbag piece" during slow sports news cycles. I believe he called them "Ask Dr. Dan". They were usually interesting and always entertaining. Unfortunately for us, Dan abandoned his excellent sports column to pursue radio broadcasting mediocrity. The former sports writer now hosts an afternoon talk show on "Minnesota's Sports Leader" which concerns itself with...current events. I think Barreiro felt that he didn't hold enough gravitas as a sports guy.

As a tribute to our lost Dr. Dan, I think it's time to answer some questions from our 12 readers:

Q: So, Mr. Foot, tell us about yourself. -A. Stawker, Farmington.
LearnedFoot: I was born in the same hospital in which Dr. Jack Kavorkian used to do his rounds (true), and my high school was located ten blocks from Jeffrey Dahmer's apartment (also true). At least this Cloud o' Death didn't follow me when I moved to the Twin Cities in the early nineties.

Q: Why hasn't V-Toed-Bill been posting much lately? -L. Foote, Apple Valley.
LF: VTB has been very busy lately. During the week before last, VTB was in charge of his company's national sales meeting. For this, VTB had to organize the nightly tours of the local strip joints. During the day, he had to facilitate workshops that involved conversations featuring phrases such as "we must leverage our synergies by upsourcing our core competencies, while simultaneously cantilevering our supply chain with a view toward expanding our buttressed proceeds."
VTB spent last week wrapping Christmas gifts. He has tons of gifts piled in his living room right now. He is quite a skilled gift wrapper - maybe too skilled, if you know what I mean...

Q: What do you think of the topsy-turvey NFC North this season? -B. Ward, St. Paul.
LF: The bad news is that it appears that the Packers suck. The good news is that the Vikings (keeping with tradition) also suck.

Q: I have an estate planning question: In my will, I bequeath my home to my son Alan for his life, then to his widow, and then to his children who survive her. Does the gift to Alan's surviving children violate the common law Rule Against Perpetuities? -D. Warbucks, Minnetonka.
LF: Yes.

Q: Wasn't that preceding question and answer about the Rule Against Perpetuities a little gratuitous? -A. Scalia, Washington D.C.
LF: Not if you consider that the study of the Rule Against Perpetuities accounted for about $1,500 of my law school tuition and two bar exam questions without a correlating likelihood that I will actually use it for the rest of my life.

Q: Do you have any embarrassing pictures of Al Gore? -T. McAuliffe, Morontown.
LF: Why yes. Yes I do:



Q: How about a funny picture of monkeys? -D. Fossey, Congo.
LF: You got it:



If you want to see something really funny, check out what Mitch found. (HT: Shot in the Dark)

Q. What the Hell is the matter with you anyway? -N. Coleman, St. Paul.
LF: Nothing - I'm just leveraging my synergies. Mrs. Foot loves it when I do that.

No comments: