Sunday, December 26, 2004

Minions With Opinions

I love tearing open Christmas presents! I also love tearing apart the letters that the Minneapolis Star Tribune decides to print in its Sunday OP EX section. As long as they see fit validating the opinions of some of these half twits, we here at KAR reserve the right to lambaste them in our public forum. The second offering in today's section proved to be too much red meat for me to resist:

"A new draft plan"

"Surprise! Recruiting efforts are failing (Star Tribune, Dec. 17), and the military can't find enough young people willing to risk their lives for their country. [I am going to stop right here to offer a translation of the first paragraph from 'Liberal-speak' into plain English: "Yes!!! Recruiting efforts are failing!!! (Red Star/Pravda, Dec. 17), and the military industrial complex that I hate so much can't find enough idiots stupid enough to join the armed services and wage war in the name of Haliburton and George Bush's ego. Yes!!! I love it!"]
"I have a simple solution to this problem. [TRANSLATION: "This is really not a problem; it is the circumstance I long for. I can't stand the military or this country."] Before any draft is put into place, all children ages 18 to 35 of elected federal officials should be immediately conscripted, sent through boot camp and put on the front lines. [TRANSLATION: "I am slipping in the word draft even though the president has repeatedly said there will be no draft. He is a liar! I also wish to point out that the only people fighting this ill-conceived war are the sons and daughters of this nation's poorest citizens. Of course, most of them are black."]
"If that doesn't end the war, [QUICK TRANSLATION: "Because it damn well needs to end NOW!!!!"] the next draftees should be the children of Fortune 50 executives - then those of all elected state officials." [TRANSLATION: "If I haven't done enough in the first two paragraphs to incite class envy and warfare, then maybe this last sentence will do so, because we all know that the wealthy in this country got that way by exploiting the poor and disadvantaged, most of whom are black or hispanic. Fight your own 'war-for-oil' you fat-cats! I've always wanted to say 'fat-cats' in a Tribune OP EX diatribe!"]

Kathy Gillen, Ostego, MN.

Way to go, Kathy! It is very difficult to get a letter like this into the Star/Trib. Generally, they stay away from letters which directly support a position they take on any subject, particularly when they have just run an article about the same only days before. I'm guessing you were either one of the 60's 'Flower Children', or you just wish you were, so now you want to turn this war into your own Vietnam. Say it with me Kathy: "One, two, three, four, we don't want your lousy war!" Go help some college kids burn their draft cards. Oh, that's right. There is no draft.

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