Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Cliche overkill be damned: THEY STILL DON'T GET IT!

I was perusing the web today and decided to look around at some of the left wing sites just to see if they were Moving On from the election result. Far from it. Just take a look at the first place I stopped, Democratic Underground and read the front page. If these people would spend as much time concentrating on ridding their party of the Michael Moores and George Soroses as they do trying to overturn the will of the people, they might have a chance at regaining major party status and some semblance of power. As it stands, it seems they are hellbent on pursuing desirable election outcomes in the same manner as they do social change - through the courts. Does anyone really believe this crap that the DU site is selling regarding the Florida election results? Talk about Kool Aid drinkers! Just take a look at the editor's machinations in an effort to show that, if everything went just right, and Jupiter was in the fifth House of Mars or Venus, and the groundhog sees his shadow, then maybe, possibly, with a little help from God (oops, strike that!) Kerry could be the winner in Florida. I mean, this is the first time I have even heard Florida mentioned as contestable. I have heard Ohio mentioned, but thought the only reason for that was the pivotal nature of the state's electoral votes. While you're on this site, look around a bit. What a pathetic collection of sophmoric dribble. I love the way they rank the "Top 10 Conservative Idiots". This may become a weekly thing for me - a review of a lefty website or blog.

LEARNEDFOOT ADDS: Please V-Toed-Bill, call that website by its proper name: Democrat Underground Homepage (or DUH, for short).

Random Rants for a Slow News Day

Maybe its the Tylenol Sinus medicine, but nothing has enraged me today. Time for a Larry King-like "three dot" post:

Tom Brokaw lamented the Bush administration's treatment of New York Times reporters on Hardball (as reported by Drudge). In particular, he decried Bush's refusal to give NYT resident commie (well, one of several resident commies) Tom Friedman an in-depth interview.

Ya' know, if the NYT insinuated on a daily basis that I was a dangerous, semi-retarded redneck, I probably wouldn't talk to them either.

***
In his blog, David Horowitz is encouraging his readers to send hate-email to Al Franken. The Kool Aid Report endorses such initiative-taking and encourages our readers to surf over and lend a hand to this worthy effort. Click here to go directly to the post, with a handy link to submit your vitriol.
***
Bill O'Reilly has drunk the Kool-Aid. In his NY Daily News column this week, O'Reilly contends that Dan Rather got a bad rap. He claims that Rather's only sin in the Memogate scandal was not being skeptical enough. He then gives Dan a pass on even that, saying that story-vetting isn't an anchor's job. This view is mind-bogglingly off base on two counts: 1) Gunga Dan is the Editor in Chief of CBS news. With that title comes responsibility. To quote Hopper from A Bug's Life: "The first rule of management is: it's ALWAYS your fault"; 2) O'Reilly failed to notice that The Dan vetted the Swift Boat Vets story so well that it never made it to broadcast.
***
Take a look at all the KADs crying racism about the Chai Vang case on the Strib discussion board. You heard it here first. Drink the Kool-aid. Driiiiiiink the Koooooooooooool-aid...
***
Speaking of the Strib: an editorial in yesterday's edition featured the following assertion: "There is a lot wrong with an economy that can produce so much yet share it so badly."
Actually, many nations have tried to create an economy that shared better. The result was over 100 million dead people.
***
Finally, a tip o' the Kool-aid pitcher to V-Toed-Bill for his yeoman-like performance over the thanksgiving weekend, keeping the content fresh, meeting the daunting (and weird) challenge I threw before him and keeping the Kool-aid cold. Also for taking out my garbage.
For his next task, I would like to see The Toed-One (the Bloggiest Blogger That Ever Blogged) create a post without using the letter "e".

Monday, November 29, 2004

Dear Bush Voter: You Are STILL a Moron

We are three weeks past the election. Yet there are still KADs descending from the mountaintops to tell us how stupid we are. This letter to the editor from a guy named "Fernando" appeared in today's Strib (my comments are in brackets):

Uninformed electorate
The last election was exemplary.
[Yes. It was.] There was a record number of voters, there were no major irregularities or difficulties, and voters were able to get good information about the process and the issues at hand. [Dear KAR readers: remember that last remark about voters being able to get good information about the issues.]

Yet 70 percent of the voters for President Bush thought that there were WMD in Iraq. [Did you remember that remark about voters being able to get information? And about those WMDs: Just because we haven't found WMDs does not mean they are not there. Tell you what, Mr. Smarty Pants - I'll bury a gallon jug of purple Kool-aid somewhere in Minnesota. If you find it, I'll concede your point.] And when they had the choice between well-defined, important subjects like the war in Iraq, terrorism, the budget deficit, Social Security, education [infanticide] and health care, 20 percent of all voters decided the most important was "moral values," a vague, poorly defined idea. [First, if 20% voted "moral values", 80% voted based on something else. Second, the voters polled were answering a vague, poorly defined poll question. Nineteen per cent of voters polled said they based their decisions on the "economy" - a vague, poorly defined idea. Third, STOP CALLING US STUPID BECAUSE WE CHOSE NOT TO VOTE FOR AN APPEASEMENT-PRONE SOCIALIST!!!!!]
Democracy is, by definition, government by the people. And, based on this election, we have a well-defined democracy. [Talk about vague, poorly defined ideas. It's three weeks after the election; Don't you have anything else to think about?]
But democracy does not mean government by intelligent people.
[Only so long as you are allowed to vote, you dingleberry.] Our country is a democracy. But is it a country of intelligent people? [Perhaps you should move some place where your superior intellect will be appreciated, 'Nando. How about Cuba?]

Fernando "A Vague, Poorly Defined Guy" Torres, Edina.

Reading arrogant, elitist crap like this makes me want to poop.

I will paraphrase ABBA to express my feelings about this election and your letter, Fernando:

There was something in the air [election] night
The stars were bright, Fernando
They were shining there for you and me
For liberty, Fernando
Though [you] never thought that [you] could lose
There’s no regret
If I had to do the same again
I would, my friend, Fernando

Kool Aid Begins to Flow in Wisconsin Hunter Shooting Case

There's an old adage in the legal profession that goes something like: "When the law is not on your side, argue the facts; when the facts are not on your side, argue the law." What do you do when neither the law or the facts are on your side - to wit: six dead hunters, several eyewitnesses and acknowlegement of the heinous deed by the perp himself?

Why, you play the race card, of course.

The alleged shooter, Chai Vang claims that the hunters he is accused of shooting called him a racial slur (Vang is Laotian) and shot at him first. When the defendant tips his hand this early in the game, prosecutors salivate.

There will be the inevitable insanity defense in this case. But bet your Winchester that the defense will attempt the tried and true OJ-Style race-baiting jury nullification gambit.

It won't fly in whiter than white northwestern Wisconsin. Keep your eye out for the defense's motion to change venue. They will cite the predjudicial effect of pretrial publicity, but we all will know the real reason for it, won't we?

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Ukraine Election Declared Invalid

It looks like ballots cast in the recent election in the Ukrane have about as much validity as bearer bonds (done!) issued by the CSA. As this mess gets messier, look for my earlier prediction that the left in this country will use the situation to cast doubt on our own election results to gain validity. I can always count on the opinion page at the Minneapolis Star Tribune to give me plenty of ammo to back up my contention. Just yesterday, they printed this gem from one of their many 'informed and discerning' readers:
"It's interesting that the world considers the Ukraine elections to be suspicious and not up to democratic standards because the official count of votes showed a different "winner" than did the exit polls.
Hmmm. (Oh yeah, that "Hmmm" is really making us think. Something sinister is afoot!)
Republicans want us to believe that in recent U.S. elections, people who left the polls having voted for Republicans lied and told the exit pollsters that they voted for Democrats. (No, you mush brain, it has already been established that the early exit polls were conducted in such a manner as to obtain the result desired; most likey by Democrat operatives; and most likely for the express intent of affecting voter turnout later in the day to the advantage of John Kerry!)
Well there are a lot of us who don't buy that and who believe that, for the past four years, U.S. elections have not been democratic (because we have been losing, wahh, wahh..), and there's no reason to believe they will be in the future (because our party refuses to move away from the politics of the Great Society).
It's not just in the Ukraine that it isn't who votes that matters, it's who counts the votes. "(Oh yeah, I forgot about the law that was passed despite opposition by Democrats that Republicans are the official vote counters in the U.S. for all time, everlasting.)

So, there you have it. The Strib actually publishes a letter from a reader who thinks our election system is a total sham, and that it is controlled by Republicans. If that's the case, tell 'em to concentrate on Minnesota next time. We're desperate!

Friday, November 26, 2004

Blogger Cannot Escape Star Tribune Editorial-Page Stupidity-Even While In Iowa

So I'm here in Iowa, slipping in and out of yesterday's tripthophane (or however it's spelled) induced coma, when I crack open the Des Moines Register and see this editorial cartoon from the Trib's Steve Sack.

I am really tired of liberals chastising Bush for appointing cabinet members who agree with him. Imagine you have been put in charge of a swanky Italian restaurant. Would you hire a bunch of illiterate morons who think it should be run like a bait shop? I didn't think so.

Dear libs: you are in the minority. Deal with it.

**************
Closed circuit to V-Toed-Bill: You're halfway there. A fine job considering that the reward for this challenge ain't $1,000,000 in bearer bonds, or even a year's supply of beer nuts. But you're doing a fine job of transcending the post holiday ennui.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Predictions For 2005

My colleague LearnedFoot had a great post recently projecting headlines for the year 2024. While I will not go that far out into the future, I would like to start a Thanksgiving tradition by offering some predictions for the year ahead. 'V-Toed-Bill's Visions' if you will. So without further ado, let's get right to the prognosticating!

V-Toed Bill's 10 Predictions for 2005
  1. Michael Moore will be abducted by aliens from the Alpha Centauri system and taken back to their home planet. They return him in disgust when they realize he isn't the funny little lovable drunk guy with the great accent from the 'Arthur' movies that have been beaming their way through space since the early 1980's. He will be found wandering naked in a Nebraska cornfield muttering "my butt hurts."
  2. Cher announces in 2005 that the year 2012 will "absolutely, positively, 'cross my heart and hope to die'", mark the last year of her "Farewell Tour" which kicked off in 1998.

  3. The NHL owners will announce that the lockout of players will continue through the 2005-2006 season. A strike by irate fans to protest the move will get ugly when all 26 of them threaten to quit painting team logos on their faces and appearing drunk and shirtless in front of the few TV reporters that are following the story.
  4. Barry Bonds, will hit his 700th homerun into San Francisco Bay, and the ball will be retrieved by that guy who played 'Doc' on The Loveboat. I'm not sure why.
  5. Seeing the success of other actors turned politician, Sean Penn will announce in 2005 that he is a candidate for the Democratic nomination for president in 2008. Asked why he wants to be president, Penn will respond "Well, you do get a pretty righteous plane!"
  6. Still reeling from his senate seat loss, Tom Daschle will drop out of mainstream society and join a California cult that believes reruns of The Partridge Family contain divine messages. He will be arrested for trying to paint Los Angeles buses in weird color patterns while wearing bell-bottoms, a silk shirt, and a rubber Danny Bonaduce mask.
  7. Theresa Heinz Kerry will be the focus of a new reality TV show. The premise will be a challenge to see if there is anyone in the U.S. who can converse with her for five minutes and then determine what she just said. The winner will get a lifetime supply of beer nuts.
  8. Dan Rather will start a blog called "What's the Frequency Kenneth". His posts will consist of transcripts from his CBS Evening News broadcasts, and readers will be invited to try and guess what was fact and what was fiction. He will not be seen in public again until the year 2008 when, bedragled and unkempt, he will produce documents that allege GOP presidential nominee Rudy Giuliani once verbally assaulted a mime in Central Park.
  9. Al Gore will stray even farther off the beam when he pen's another environmental book. The book will be titled 'Tarnation' and will lament the frenzied pace at which the U.S. is building freeways. The hook in the piece is Gore's dire warning that at this rate of construction, the nation will be completely tarred over by the year 4056 leaving no room for anyone to stand without being hit by an evil fossil-fuel burning vehicle.
  10. In a shrewd marketing move, Kim Jong Il will trademark the name 'Axles of Evil' and use it as the front for a franchised transmission repair chain. The fledgling enterprise will fail when Kim blows all the venture capital by investing in Beanie Babies being sold on Ebay.


Ukraine Mess Gives Left Fodder

It has already started. Last night as I was watching a local Twin Cities news broadcast I saw a report about the post-election situation in the Ukraine, and I was struck by one phrase in the report. The local news channel was airing a syndicated 'feed' about the story, so this was definitely a UPI, AP or similar national agency providing content. I was reading and watching, so I was not paying close enough attention to determine which outlet provided the story. But what got me paying closer attention was the following, and I paraphrase:

"There is no doubt that some corruption has taken place because exit polls clearly indicated a result opposite of what the returns showed."

Sound familiar? This was not someone commenting and offering opinion. This was the overaudio of the report as pictures of protesters were shown. I am just cynical enough to think that there are people on the left, who have not settled back into post-election ennui, who will use the Ukraine debacle to cast doubt once more on the outcome of our own election three weeks ago. Just cynical enough to think that some weasel editor chose those words very carefully. Too far-fetched? As I write this, there are still misguided souls who are attempting to fabricate a scandal out of the Ohio voting process. Can you imagine what would have happened if Sen. Kerry did not have the good sense to concede, but instead listened to advice that since the exit polls had him leading (and we now know why those polls had the outcome wrong) he should contest the election? If that imbroglio had transpired concurrent with the real cheating going on in the Ukraine, we would be looking at a wholesale melt-down of confidence in the integrity of the democratic process. The fact is that it appears there really was cheating in the Ukraine, and it should not surprise anyone that our MSM would try and use the situation to cast a shadow over the Bush win November 2.

NOTE: The emphasis I have put on certain words in this post is for the benefit of LearnedFoot, who has challenged me a couple posts down. Hope I have used everything in context so far!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

"Cultural Differences" Don't Explain Killings

The tragedy that unfolded last weekend in the woods of western Wisconsin when a hunter gunned down a group of other hunters, killing six and wounding two, has prompted the obligatory search for an easy answer as to the 'why' in this situation. Of course, we all know that determining why terrible things like this happen is never easy, but there are those who need life to make sense again as quickly as possible. I have already heard it suggested more than once that 'cultural differences' may have been the catalyst in the chain of events that ended in the killing of these hunters. The accused is a Hmong immigrant and the dead and wounded are all white. Now it is important to note that I do not detect the 'cultural differences' explaination coming from the Hmong community here in the Twin Cities, who have responded in a very visible way to offer condolences to the families of the slain and condemnation of the crime. They have taken this act personally as a group, which they need not do; this could just as easily been a crazed fifth-generation Irish person, and the Irish community would not need to take on the mantle of blame. No, I detect the cultural differences explaination coming from the usual sources - that is, those people who seem to make a living out of dividing American society into cultural and racial enclaves pitted against one another. Now think about it: If they really want to advance the idea that differences between cultures is to blame, they must start with the belief that in Laos, when one hunter is asked to leave a piece of land being hunted by another or other hunters, the first hunter is obliged to fire upon the others. I have heard of some Hmong who have recently come to this country who have had a little trouble assimilating, and as a group have been somewhat ignorant of our hunting laws regarding seasons and bag limits. Those things I can understand as being attributable to cultural differences. But let's not ascribe a penchant for mass murder at the slightest provocation to those differences. To do so would be to suggest that all Hmong, who are a very successful immigrant group, are ticking time bombs, and would only invite more venomous bigotry than has already been directed at them in the aftermath of the tragedy. There is a 'why' to this crime, and it will be revealed in due course. Don't look for the easy answer.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I will be spending most of the holiday weekend in Iowa (Motto: Come for the Corn. Stay for the Ennui!"). As I am unsure that the internet has made it to the Hawkeye State, I will not be posting untl Sunday at the earliest. In my absence, V-Toed Bill will pick up the mantle and post even more of his quality takes on liberal stupidity. In adition, I challenge Bill to incorporate the following words and phrases into his weekend posts. If he does so he will qualify for the title of the Bloggiest Blogger that Ever Blogged. (Note to V-Toed Bill: Please highlight these words in italic or a different color so that I can easily verify your compliance):

Weasel
Tarnation
"Beer nuts"
Ennui
"My butt hurts"
"Bearer bonds"



*****************
Happy Thanksgiving to all. Until next week, I offer y'all the Official Thanksgiving Turkey of the Kool Aid Report:



HA HA! No. Sorry about that. Bad Joke. Here's the Turkey:






Whoops. Wrong file. OK got it now. Here is the Official Thanksgiving Turkey of the Kool Aid Report:






HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

(Tip o' the Kool Aid Cup to J-Walk Blog for the turkey pic)

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

One More Shot at Madison Talk Radio Twerp Before Everybody Starts Ignoring Him Again

As I am wont to do, one juvenile parting shot at our good friend and all-around jerk John Sylvester before he disappears back into obscurity:

I came across the Worm's photo. Time to play....

SEPARATED AT BIRTH?



John Sylvester



Vanilla Ice



You be the judge.

News Headlines From The Year 2024

Let's peer into the Crystal Ball and look at some items in the news 20 years from now...

Foxes, Feral Dogs Overrun London; Scientists Stumped

France Declares War on Itself; Loses

Air America Radio Enters its 19th Year of Bankruptcy

Declaring "My Work Here is Done," George Soros Returns to His Home Planet

Uptown Resident Still Hasn't Taken Down His Wellstone Sign

Unemployment Hits 40% in United States of Canada; "Krugmanomics" Blamed

Ted Kennedy First in Line to Buy New Floating Car

Jesusland Offers $1 Trillion in Humanitarian Aid to United States of Canada

Israeli / Palestinian Conflict Ends: Palestinians Run Out of Explosives, People

Teresa Heinz Kerry Kennedy Feingold Dayton Obama Leahy Dodd Boxer Marries Senator

Michael Moore Becomes Only the Second Man-Made Object That Can Be Seen From Space

Maureen Dowd Caught in Rainshower; Melts

CBS News Ends 35 Year Drought by Reporting a Fact

Keith Richards Still Alive; Scientists Stumped


Feel free to add your own headlines in the comments section (Click the comments link on the BOTTOM of this post. Do NOT use the one on the top).

UPDATE: Madison Radio Worm Gives Backhanded Apology; NAACP Finally Comments

Two developments in this story (prior posts here and here):

First, NAACP president Kweisi "Can I Buy a Vowel" Mfume said that Sylvester's comments "are just as bad as those who hide under sheets and burn crosses." Three cheers for intellectual honesty!

Second, The Little Worm issued an "apology," full text of which can be found here (CAUTION - reading this may cause you to lose IQ points):

"I'm concerned that I have offended many African-Americans by using a crass term to describe an incompetent, dishonest political appointee of the Bush administration. I apologize."

Nice.

If anyone gets close to this Worm, could you please kick him in the groin for me?

Do it once for Condi too.

And once for V-Toed Bill.

And once each for anyone else you can think of.

AP Story here.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Fallujah Reporting MIA

The hard fought urban battle that the MSM was hoping for in Fallujah did not happen, so it is on to bigger and better things like basketball players getting into fights with the fans who have paid to see them. Fallujah fell to our valiant Marines in so little time, and with so few casualties for an operation of this magnitude, that MSM coverage evaporated almost as quickly as that of Saddam Husseins capture. They missed, or intentionally overlooked, the real story of the Fallujah campaign which is the deprivation of one more sanctuary for the terrorists who oppose a democratic Iraq, and the sinister things that our troops are finding as they make their way through the newly liberated city. I am continually dumbfounded by those who stubbornly maintain that we are in the 'wrong war at the wrong time in the wrong place', even in the face of some of the evil munitions and torture dens we are uncovering everyday in Iraq. The pace of these discoveries has quickened now that Fallujah is no longer a haven for these monsters, and some of the things we are finding ought to scare the hell out of any intellectually honest person, whether they be a proponent or critic of the war. Powerline has a post with some more specifics.

UPDATE: Madison Lefty Talker Calls Condi Rice "Aunt Jemima"

Last week, I posted a small blurb about Madison, WI AM talk show host John Sylvester's racially, uh, insensitive remarks about Condi Rice. At the time I predicted that nothing would come of it because KADs cannot by nature of who they are (and what color Kool-aid they drink) be bigoted.

Well I was half-right.

To date, this douchebag (not to insult douchebags everywhere - I couldn't think of a better term for this guy) has not been pulled from the air, and no organized protests outide his studio have been reported. (Read the latest about this story here).

However:

Some "Black Leaders" have come out to criticize this little worm. Let's play a game. See if you can notice which "civil rights" organization is missing from this list of Sylvester detractors:

  • The Urban League of Greater Madison
  • The Madison City Equal Opportunities Commission
  • The Madison Affirmative Action Office

Stumped? I'll give you a hint: This organization is Not for the Advancement of All Colored People.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

ALERT: Petition to Support U.S. Marine in Shooting Incident

There is a petition being circulated to obtain signatures in support of the U.S. Marine involved in the shooting of an Iraqi terrorist. You read and sign the petition here.

Hollywood Left Truly Hates This Country

I am sitting here listening to a replay of a Sean Hannity interview with Janeanne Garofalo and I cannot help but come to a conclusion about her and her brethren in the 'Entertainment Community': Garofalo actually hates America the way it is currently constituted. Now these people will tell you that their opposition to the current administration is the epitome of patriotism, and far be it from me to suggest that dissent ought to be construed as unpatriotic. But for Garofalo and so many like her, it goes much, much deeper. At every opportunity in the course of this interview for Garofalo to offer that even one thing the U.S. has done since 9-11 in the general war on terror has been beneficial, she has taken the opposite tack. To Hannity's suggestion for example that women in Afghanistan were now better off than they were under the Taliban, Garofalo actually opines that they are worse off, and hints that at least under Taliban rule, they knew where they stood. This is to somehow suggest that because they are now grappling with new freedoms and the bewildering choices and responsibilities those feedoms bring, they are in a more perilous position. Of course, this is a ridiculous position for Garofalo to take, and it must be physically painful for her to be so contrary just for the sake of being contrary. I do not know a whole lot about Garofalo's postion on women's rights, but I would imagine she would align herself more often with Gloria Steinam than Dr. Laura. Her answer to Hannity's question about women in Iraq is just as disjointed when she says that Iraq was not an Islamic fundamentalist state so women there were just fine before the invasion. Yes, just fine. Udday and Qusay Hussein provided a veritable 'Club Med' for women in Iraq. In short, Garofalo will say anything to support a position in opposition to whatever good America is accomplishing by removing repressive regimes and havens for terrorists. This is not mere intellectual dishonesty. It is a deep seated hatred for an America that acts unilaterally to not only protect itself, but also to bring about militarily and diplomatically a world in which America can thrive and be safe. And then there is the pretensiousness and vanity of Garofalo and so many of her crowd. She said in a 2003 interview that "There is no way any rational, resonable person can say the Bush Administration has been good for America." Given the election results, Garofalo is saying that 53% of us, or all you idiots who voted for Bush, are unreasonable and irrational. It must be horrible for Garofalo and her gang to live in a country with such relative mental midgets.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

What the Federalist Society Stands For; or: If You Don't Know What You Are Talking About, Please Shut the Hell Up

In Saturday's Counterpoint section of the Star Tribune's Opinion page (Motto: A forum for reactions and rebuttals - as long as they parrot the editorial board's psychopathic left-wing philosophy), an ill informed piece of tripe appeared, penned by a real estate appraiser named Luke Walbert. Apparently Luke (phone number 651-646-1759 - Aw, that's just wrong) has a problem with the Federalist Society. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Federalist Society, as Luke obviously is, I will introduce you. The Federalist Society is a national organization of attorneys who stand for strict construction of the Constitution, judicial restraint, and the primacy of the Rule of Law. I should know: I was Vice Chair of my law school's chapter of the FS back in the day (I ran for vice chair because it was the second highest rank in the chapter, and it required me to do absolutely nothing). Luke, on the other hand, is a real estate appraiser. This means that he is adept at using a tape measure. Enough background. Let's go to the excerpts:

So members of the Federalist Society ... want more federal judges who share their views opposing affirmative action and abortion and limiting federal regulation of private property rights. And they want more respect for states' rights.

My dictionary tells me that "federalism" and "federalists" are for a strong central government with an expectation that individual states give up a lot of sovereignty. An alternative definition describes the belief that the nations of the world should be "federated" and cede authority to a central global government, a view that I am quite sure these conservatives would not advocate.

The first problem that leaps out at me is that he his basing his entire thesis on what his dictionary says Federalism is. I will put my $80,000 legal education up against your Funk and Wagnells any day, buddy. The problem with your definition, Luke, is that it is missing a crucial element. The Federalists do believe in a strong, small and limited central government whose powers do not go beyond that which is enumerated in the Constitution.

So given that tiny little correction, Luke (see phone number above), your entire argument falls flat on its face in a most spectacular fashion by the third paragraph:

These so-called federalists don't seem to realize that the populism of the past ("a belief in the right, wisdom or virtues of the common people") has been institutionalized into the kind of modern federalism that Democrats and liberals advocate: broad federal government involvement in education, business, health care, environment and other areas of life, not just a narrow focus on criminal and security matters.

I will pause to allow the laughing to abate.

If that weren't bad enough, Luke shows his true colors by completely going off the rails, Trotsky-style:

We want the federal government to be involved in the ordinary, everyday aspects of our 21st-century lives such as how we connect to the electrical grid or information superhighway. We are not willing to trust an unregulated economic system where people like Ken Lay can cheat customers and still make a profit. A federal position on abortion and affirmative action developed because the questions of whether women are ultimately defined by their pregnancies, or people are by the color of their skin, are too important to allow 50 sets of answers in one nation.

Who is this "We" to which you refer, Pinko? I think that the fact that the Democrats haven't held Congress since it took a filibuster to stop Hillary-Care says quite clearly that "we" do not "want the federal government to be involved in the ordinary, everyday aspects" of our lives.

As for the abortion issue: there is nothing in the Constitution that says people have an inalienable liberty interest in abortion. There is not even an explicit right to privacy. The Supreme Court had to make one up to reach that result. To the contrary of what you contend Mr. Tape Measure Jockey, the legality or illegality of abortion is just the type of issue that makes a State/Federal government dichotomy necessary and desirable. It brings issues to a local level where people have more in common with each other; closer to the mores of a given society. Reasonable people can differ as to whether abortion is nothing more than emergency birth control or is the murder of a human being. When you have differences, you debate and reach compromises. The people can make or refuse to make a law. Or they can amend the Constitution. Where does this process take place, Mr. Square Footage?

IN THE LEGISLATURES, YOU JERK!

The Federalist Society is for nothing more than promoting debate about how the Constitution ought to be interpreted (the Federalist's position is: "by reading it first". This is somehow controversial for coastal libs and real estate appraisers). Federal judges are appointed for life and accountable to no one. The FS takes the radical position that someone occupying that station of power ought to tread lightly. The FS is opposed to the type of tyranny you wish to impose, Luke.

The Constitution grants the Federal government limited and enumerated powers. The Bill of Rights sets out certain individual rights for the citizenry. It goes on to reserve any unenumerated or unprohibited powers for the states or to the people (10th Amendment). To put that last sentence a little more succinctly for you real estate appraisers out there: Tenth Amendment equals "states' rights". Now please stop acting like states' rights do not exist.

That's Federalism.

Now shut up.


Legitimate Blog Recognizes KAR

If you're here, chances are that you have already been there. We at the Kool Aid Report raise our tankards in gratitude (full to the brim with a frothy, non-kool-aid liquid) to The Elder and his cohorts at Fraters Libertas for linking us yesterday.

Bibo ergo sum!

The Left's Last Bastion: Denegration of a Fine Woman

The treatment of Condoleezza Rice in the MSM over the past week has been reprehensible. It did not even stop Thursday as she went into the hospital for surgery to remove fibroid tissue. Just a couple of examples: Pat Oliphant managed to illustrate every stereotypical physical trait commonly (and generally dismissively) associated to Blacks in a recent cartoon showing Rice as a parrot perched on President Bush's shoulder; a Milwaukee radio host referred to Rice as an "Aunt Jemima" on his widely listened to radio show; and then there is this cartoon by Danziger:


Let's play Jeopardy, shall we? "In the category of 'Terrible Retribution' for $500.00, identify the punishment that would befall a conservative for having drawn a cartoon like that shown above..." "Um, what is being tarred and feathered, Alex?" Correct! Beyond all this, there have been references to Dr. Rice's sycophantish loyalty to the president, and her lack of conviction to anything other than his misguided agenda, the clear implication being that Dr. Rice has no mind of her own. It really is time to start fighting back at the idea that the repression of minorities in this country is a "Republican Thing." It clearly is a "Liberal Thing," and I think it needs a full-frontal assault in the blogosphere. I could go on and on about examples of overt racism by those that pretend to represent Blacks and other minorities (Jessie Jackson, Al Sharpton), but whose only real ambition is to further their own political careers and fatten their bank accounts. Where are these "men" when one of their own (a distinction most often drawn by those who advocate a color-blind society) is being so shabbily treated? This is a week which should have represented a milestone for Rice and Blacks alike. I venture to say that had a similar nomination been championed by a Democrat president, the accolades for both would have dominated the news cycle to such an extent that it would have been difficult to get the weather on your local news channel.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Lefty Talk Show Host Pulls a Belling

Milwaukee AM talk show host Mark Belling uses the word "wetback" on the air, and he gets pulled from the air for a week and protested wherever he goes (by people who apparently have a lot of free time during the day - if you know what I mean).

Wednesday, Madison dumbass radio personality John Sylvester called Condi Rice - excuse me - DOCTOR Condi Rice "Aunt Jemima". I am waiting with baited breath to see how the black "community" reacts to this. (Hint: The NAACP is "reserving comment").

Predicted (predictable?) resolution: "Hate speech" is not "hate speech" when the hater is imbibing the Kool Aid.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

History!

For the first time in over 300 years, French soldiers did not surrender.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Liberalism: Mental Illness or Death Cult?

In the days following this past election, there appeared in the media several reports of Kerry supporters seeking mental help for some malady known as Post Election Selection Trauma (PEST). (See stories here or here). According to the WorldNetDaily story, symptoms of PEST include: "feelings of withdrawal, feelings of isolation, emotional anger and bitterness, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, nightmares, pervasive moodiness including endless sulking, and being excessively worried about the direction of the country." And the shrinks are serious about this. In a news piece yesterday, some "serious" clinical psychiatrists blasted Rush Limbaugh for mocking this disorder.

I recall some local (Twin Cities) TV news coverage a few weeks ago, commemorating the death of Sen. Paul Wellstone. They interviewed some lady who remarked that she was taken by the late Senator because he "gave me hope".

Flashback 2 years to the week following Wellstone death. The day his plane went down, an "impromptu" memorial service formed on the state capitol steps. All sorts of people crawled out of the woodwork, offering prayers from their various religions in their various native tongues. Many were crying and, I would hazard to guess, most of them had never met Wellstone.

I know people who haven't cried when a member of their own family had died, let alone when a third rate senator from an average-sized midwestern state did.

Recall the official Wellstone memorial at Williams Arena: wild-eyed speakers imploring conservatives to abandon their values; Republicans being booed when their images appeared on the Jumbo-tron; more crying by people who never met the deceased.

Don't get me wrong: I'm sure Wellstone was a fine man - when he wasn't trying to turn this country into Cuba.

Back to the present: Bush wins the election despite the sheer girth of a number of loud and powerful (and well financed) forces arrayed against him; the liberal conehead opinion press becomes even more unhinged; and now we have a bunch of weak-minded people who are feeling the dismal half of bi-polar disorder because of the results of one damn election.

I think I get it now. These people think that government is not merely an instumentality for mutual defense and the Common Good. It is not merely a means to someone's idea of Utopia.

To them, government is personal salvation.

If Bush had lost, I am confident that conservatives would be angry or disappointed for about a day. We then would go back to our lives unconcerned with the daily machinations of government (except for matters of national security; and on April 15th). We would go to work, watch football on weekends and engage in our pasttimes. Our children would still be as cute and well behaved on November 3rd as they were on November 2nd. Golf would still be a maddening and addictive hobby, and pizza would taste just as good under either Kerry or Bush.

But not for these people.

Peolple that mourn the loss of an inconsequential senator as though he were a dear friend because he gave them "hope" have something seriously missing in their lives. People who descend into the depths of dispair beacuse their liberal Guru of the Election Cycle is repudiated by the electorate possess a fundamental misunderstanding of the role of government; of life itself.

Liberal policies such as the War on Poverty and appeasement are proven failures. But these moribund KADs insist that they are the sole occupiers of the Moral High Ground by virtue of whom they wish to install into the Great God of Government to perpeuate these failures. French-style socialism? Produced double-digit unemployment. Canadian style health care? It's free - if you live long enough to actually see a doctor. But it doesn't matter how ineffective or damaging these ideas are - they are the moral things to do according to liberal orthodoxy. While conservatives understand the concept of charity, liberals redefine it to fit their new religion (see the much talked about State Generosity Rankings - no Blue States reside anywhere near the top). Conservatives understand that Charity entails the subrogation of the self for the greater good by virtue of one's own volition. Liberals prefer the less expensive route of subrogating others to the greater good (as they see it) by force of compulsion via the electoral franchise - or the courts. For these liberals, they tithe with their votes. And to them it is a worthy tithe. After all, they are the self proclaimed intellectuals, smarter than the unwashed masses, who quitclaimed that moral high ground to themselves. The arbiters of all that is Good and Moral.

Whether they know it or not, the fugue they are now experiencing is due to their own impotent rage - an inability to declare for the whole country to hear: "How dare you reject our generosity! How dare you ignore our wisdom!"

Their world view and purported wisdom were not validated by the electorate. They took it personally. It was a blow of epic proportions to their egos. All that is left for them is to slink into depression and castigate the heretics and disbelievers as stupid, misguided heathens. The great purveyors of "hope" are defeated. All that is left is hopelessness. (No pun intended.)

So to all you folks who think that some public servant can offer you hope; to all you KADs who think that salvation lies not in what you do, but for whom you vote, before you reach for your meds, I offer you this one precious piece of advice:

Get a life.


Note: I understand that this post did not deliver the humor that its title promised. To those who expeted a good laugh, I appologize. I promise that tomorrow I will return to making fat jokes about Molly Ivins, and to calling Paul Krugman a "big, hairy booger".

UPDATE: Voter fraud in Wisconsin

Remember: you heard it here first. Milwaukee local media report new developments on the ongoing investigation.

NOTE: Sorry: link is now dead!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Matthews' Reaction to Combat Situation Telling

Does anyone else find it fascinating that a media which aided the presidential prospects of a self-admitted war criminal can do a 180 degree turn when presented with an opportunity to stick it to the military? Our Marines in Iraq have been busy for eight days clearing out a rat's nest of terrorists (NOT insurgents - which is a euphemism the media uses to lend moral equivalency to them), taking fire at nearly every turn. This is a job that we here at home in the good old USA cannot even begin to comprehend for its brutality, grueling schedule, mental and physical taxation, and overall level of danger to one's well-being. Most Americans are extremely grateful that we can produce people of the caliber necessary to meet the demands of combat, and who do it willingly, knowing they are serving a greater good. Most Americans. Don't count Chris Matthews of MSNBC among most Americans. Matthews thinks that the terrorist shot by a Marine this weekend as the Marines were checking a building for enemy combatants was "not really a bad guy, just a guy who disagrees with us..." Our Marines have been reporting incidents of terrorists booby-trapping bodies and "playing dead" to get a point-blank shot at our forces, and Matthews says they "are not really bad guys." These are the same people who have been sawing people's heads off for internet audiences around the world, and Matthews says they "just disagree with us." I would love to compare Matthews Sunday to that of the Marine now being persecuted in the main-stream-media. Matthews probably got up and had some latte' while reading the Sunday comics. He most likely took a limo ride to his studio for the Sunday show, and then was pampered in the style to which he has become accustomed. Meanwhile, this Marine is encountering a situation in which the wrong decision - which must be made in a split second - could very well mean his life, the life of his comrades, and the life of an embedded media reporter. This decision-making process has also been taking place for EIGHT STRAIGHT DAYS UNDER COMBAT CONDITIONS! Yet Matthews and his ilk know better. Matthews actually had the gall to suggest that if this man who was shot had been the one to do the shooting, and it was a Marine who was killed, that it would have been a war crime. His implication was clearly "if it's a crime for them to do it, why not for us?" They can play Monday-morning quarterback all they want. The benefit of any doubt I might have (and there is none) goes to the guy risking his life to protect me and the freedom of the press.

LEARNEDFOOT ADDS: For another great take on this story check out this blog entry from a guy who has been there.

Monday, November 15, 2004

KAR Sports Wrap

The Pack once again beat the hated Vikings on Sunday 34 - 31. One major reason for the Vike's defeat was the woeful play, for the 2nd week in a row, by left offensive tackle Bryant McKinnie. Packers defensive end Kabeer (I can't spell the rest of his name) beat McKinnie like a rented Viking all day. It is clear that McKinnie needs to be replaced.

If the Vikes are at all concerned with the health of their all-pro QB Daunte Culpepper, they must hit the free agent market immediately to find a new lineman to protect his blind side. They need a big, beefy 300-plus pounder, with a thick skull to withstand all those head slaps. This new tackle needs to be big, ugly and mean with a knack for spewing the ugliest, basest trash talk toward the opponent.

Hey! I know who they can get:



Molly Ivins for Left Tackle!

Saturday, November 13, 2004

KAR Scoop!!! Blue Wisconsin May Turn Red

Sources in the know in Wisconsin report that a large number of fraudulent votes have shown up on some voting machines in Milwaukee. There even may be enough votes declared invalid to cost Kerry the state. Sources tell the Kool Aid Report that in several heavily Democratic Milwaukee precincts, the number of votes tallied by the voting machines exceeded the number of registered voters in those precincts. In some cases, votes exceeded rolls by 15%.

I am not making this up.


Developing...
(Apologies to Drudge)

Friday, November 12, 2004

Scheer Stupidity Causes Blogger to Descend Into Madness

LA Times columnist Robert Scheer is one of the more caustic KADs out there. I remember many of his screeds following the 2000 election went beyond hysterical. I thought that at the time it was just the emotion of the time. I have come to realize that Bob is really just a whack job. If you don't believe me, just look at the title of one of the several books he has written that nobody has read (and I am not making this up): "Thinking Tuna Fish, Talking Death: Essays on the Pornography of Power". Uh, whatever you say, Bob.

The main problem with Scheer is that not only does he possess an empty intellect like most other KADs, but he is an awful writer as well. His writings usually are nothing more than a series of rants, disconnected from reality, strung together into a short essay so as to justify his paycheck. Geez. If I wanted to listen to a bunch of little bitches whine about conservatives, I'd just go to the Democrat Underground Homepage (or "DUH" for short - I won't link to it; your IQ drops 10 points by just looking at it). The kookiness of the losers that post there for free is entertaining, if disturbing. On the other hand, it's kind of depressing to think that Scheer actually makes more money than me for writing his crap once a week. At least Molly Ivins, when she is experiencing her rare intervals of lucidity, can write.

So, without further ado, I lay into Scheer's latest tirade. As always, text in [brackets] is mine:



He Won. Live With It, for Now. [Hey everybody! It looks like the lefties are finally to the final stage of grieving: acceptance. Bully for you, Bob]

In no time at all, Bush will be the lamest of ducks [Nope, I was wrong. They're still stuck on anger]. ***...there is no shame in losing a presidential election by .001 of the national electorate — the equivalent of 136,483 misguided Ohioans [So you are admitting that the other 2.6 million Ohioans who voted for Bush were not misguided. That's very big of you]. More important, there is no room for a crippling depression on the part of Democrats while the nation remains in irresponsible hands [Irresponsible for mitigating an inherited recession; irresponsible for leading this county through its darkest day in generations; irresponsible for freeing some 50 million muslims from tyrany] for another four years.

[I am omiting an embedded editoral correction that appeared in this space that I have already incorporated into the sentence above. Apparently Bobby doesn't know the difference between .001 and .001 per cent. I felt no need to chastise Bob for his infacility with numbers or math. This is an affliction most liberals share and needn't be dwelt upon.]
The good news is that unless George W. Bush is hoping to provoke Armageddon, life will go on. In fact, there is another national election a mere two years from now. By then, some of the far right now chortling about the possibility of flat taxes [this is the first I've heard of that - and I am right-wing. Nobody's been "chortling" (interesting word in this context, by the way; have you been using your thesaurus? ) about the flat tax since Steve Forbes ran for president. Besides what is wrong with a flat tax? Rich people would still pay much, much more under a flat tax than your beloved "middle class" would. Is your problem that a flat tax doesn't screw achievers enough? Taxes exist to raise revenue, not to be a punitive burden on those who excel.], repealing Roe vs. Wade [Whoa there! You can't repeal a Supreme Court decision. It can be reversed or vacated for compelling reasons by the Supreme Court or abrogated (if you don't know what "abrogated" means, look it up in the dictionary, Bob. Right after you look up "repeal") by a Constitutional amendment, but not repealed, you dork. Legislatures do repealing. I am a lawyer so I think I am qualified to talk about this. You, on the other hand, Bob, are a newsman, which means your area of expertise is asking questions and writing in complete sentences. And while we're on the subject of Roe v. Wade (which is like the New Testament for liberals), let's address this most disingenuous of left-wing propaganda. Pop quiz, kiddies: True or False - The reversal of Roe v. Wade will result in the national banning of all abortions. The answer is FALSE. If Roe is reversed on December 1st, abortion will still be legal on December 2nd. The only difference would be that state legislatures would have the freedom to regulate it. But they have to pass a law - and have it signed by a governor first. Some state constitutions would still prohibit the same state laws that Roe now does, because they contain an explicit privacy clause. The Supreme Court had to make up such a clause in the Federal Constitution in order to reach the result that it did in Roe. That is what is so repugnant about that decision. So in short, Bob, even if your precious Roe v Wade is reversed or vacated ("repealed" by the court), you will still be able to kill babies in California.] and privatizing Social Security will have found that winning control of a nation on the skids [the only way you can believe that the nation is on the skids is if you have been hiding in the basement for the past 2 years. Or you're a moron] isn't everything it's cracked up to be. After all, at some point the Bush White House will have to stop blaming the Clinton administration for its own mistakes. If the Republicans running all three branches of our government continue to pile up outrageous debt [Hey look! A liberal concerned about massive debt!], shackle scientific progress with religious fundamentalism [KEEP EUGENICS SAFE AND LEGAL!], erode civil liberties [How? By enforcing a law that effectively applies RICO to terrorists?] and thrash about uselessly abroad [I've got 50 million people that don't think it's useless. Besides, what can be considered more useless than France?], the responsibility will be all theirs. [At least we accept responsibility for something other than abortion rights.]
The GOP has met its old bugaboo, incompetent Big Government, and it is them. No doubt Rush Limbaugh and friends will continue to blame us liberals for everything that goes wrong, [because it is your fault] but that old scapegoating game won't fly with the American public forever [it will as long as you people keep trying to impose socialism and keep calling half the population stupid hicks]. As we family-values folks [don't make me laugh. You are really starting to get on my nerves, Bob] like to tell our children when they qualify for their driver's licenses, with power comes responsibility. "Watch where you're going" is the main advice I would offer the president [this president's success has a lot to do with him NOT taking advice from people like you. Oy, you are starting to give me a headache], reminding him that during the last four years his steering has been erratic and his vision blurry. We don't need any more bloody wrecks like Iraq. [Yes, a "bloody wreck". At the rate casualties are piling up in Iraq, this war will match Vietnam's casualty figures in about 60 years. WWII's in 450.] That John Kerry didn't make this case more clearly was the one glaring mistake of his campaign. [That and having no position on anything other than tax hikes and abortion.] But I don't want to get down on Kerry, an honorable and thoughtful man who [throws like a girl] eventually got around to making a strong critique of Bush's handling of Iraq. [I believe this critique was nothing more than "I can do it better and more sensitively".] I don't think any candidate would have had a much easier time cutting through the pseudo-patriotic blather [I swear to God, If you insinuate one more time that we conservatives are nothing more than a bunch of Bible thumping, jingoistic hicks, I am going to snap] that Bush has exploited since the 9/11 tragedy. The reality is that most Americans believe we are in an epic war that compares to those fought by generations past [we are]. History [what the hell do liberals know about history, anyway?]tells us that sitting presidents in those circumstances have something akin to political immunity. Bush also cynically put the tab for this war on the nation's credit card so he could buy votes among the wealthy with his regressive tax cuts [yes, the wealthy are such a HUGE voting bloc] — take voters who make more than $100,000 out of the equation and Kerry wins [take dead voters out of the eqation and Bush doubles his margin of victory], according to CNN exit polls [Yes, those polls were SO accurate]. Taken in this light, the fact that the somewhat phlegmatic [thesaurus!] Kerry secured almost half the vote doesn't look so bad. And since when is it shocking news that an incumbent president can get away with massive lying during wartime? [If by "lying" you mean "telling the truth"...] Or that bold strides forward for human rights, like the gay marriage initiatives [Oh please! Human rights my (firm and supple) ass. Anyone have a Xanax?], initially produce intolerant reactions? [That and intellectual masterbaters like you, Bob.] Don't get me wrong: With an ideologically radical party in control of all three branches of government [like during the L.B.J. administration?], the capacity for mischief — and misery — during the next few years is frightening. If Bush can place more ideologues like justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas [apparently in Bob's world, "idealogue" means "reads the constitution before applying it"] on the Supreme Court, things could be very ugly. The religious hucksters who skirted the limits of federal law --
ARRRRGH!!!! STOP ALREADY! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!
MAKE THE BAD MAN STOP! PLEASE MAKE THE BAD MAN STOP!
I have been beaten. But take heart. Even an encephalitic mosquito can fell a buffalo. I shall recover from my liberal-inflicted insanity. All signs indicate that Scheer's stupidity is permanent. And he's ugly too.

Packer Backers

In response to my good friend LearnedFoot's previous post deriding my Vikes, I simply offer this...





Nuff said.

2 Out of 3 Bloggers Agree: The Vikings Are Evil

Let me take a time-out from the venom and acrimony to comment on this weekend's Big Game:

GO
PACK!

Thursday, November 11, 2004

KAD's, KAM's and Hollywood

My colleague LearnedFoot came up with an apt acronym in a previous post. He described Kool Aid Drinkers, like Barbara Streisand, as KAD's. Since the inception of this forum, I have been struck by a thought relating to our blog's title. They can't all be KAD's. Someone has to serve it up. Therefore, I would like to introduce another acronym, KAM (Kool Aid Mixer), and give some examples of how KAD's and KAM's are distinguished from one another. Take Michael Moore, please! (sorry Henny); major KAM. Moore knows the garbage he grinds out is all lies. He counts on the ignorance and stupidity of his target audience, KAD's, to keep selling it. "It was in a movie, so it must be true!" MM has made a ton of money because of willing and thirsty KAD's. Let's go to another Hollywood example; Sean Penn. KAM? Nope. Penn (AKA Jeff Spicoli) is a classic KAD. You have to be a critical thinker to be a KAM, and it is my impression that Penn has all the intellectual dexterity of a small kitchen appliance. Anyone who would believe a word Saddam Hussein told him (Penn visited Hussein just before our invasion) drinks it by the gallon. How about his ex Madonna? KAM. Madonna is smart, and I think she is of the mind that it is en vogue to be a KAM right now, helping to shape opinion. This is a giveaway trait of KAM's, and one reason so many of them are found in Hollywood. Madonna has been reinventing herself for twenty years and her current left-leaning views are just a business decision. More KAM's: Rob Reiner; Robert Altman. More KAD's: Susan Sarandon; Leonardo DiCaprio. This is just a guide, so let me know if you think I'm off base. Try to figure out some more examples in other milieus, like sports or politics (a target rich environment). It's fun!

Molly Ivins' Latest So Inane That Blogger Has Nothing Clever to Say About It

Sorry for the shrapnel postings. I'm trying to push Muckrake-uh's first post to the bottom of the page as quickly as possible.

I was going through Molly Ivins' latest column hoping to to do a hatchet job on it similar to the one I did on Nick Coleman's piece (of shit) last Sunday. Unfortunately, the only responses I could conjure to her inanities were: "huh?", "what planet are you on?" and "no really: WHAT FRICKING PLANET ARE YOU ON?!"

So instead, I'll go the juvenile route and make fun of her picture:




"Do you be tryin' to steal me Lucky Charms?"

"Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love you, tomorrow: You're always a day awaaaaaaaaaay"

"Hey! Who stuck that Brillo Pad on my head?!"




Arafat Dead; Palestinians, 6 Other People Mourn

He's dead. This time we think it's for sure. Mass-murderer/Nobel Peace Prize winner Yassir Arafat assumed room temperature this morning in a hospital in France (Not a very Martyrly way to go, now is it?)

This could turn out to be the most consequential day of the year. Will the Palestinians now support leadership that will play ball with Israel, or will they outsource said leadership to Hamas? We'll see.


Wednesday, November 10, 2004

The Muck-rake-ah has arrived

Fellow Bloggers, distinguished members of the audience, Denbo....

I'm here, I'm not too queer, and without further ado....I'm the Muck-rake-ah.

Things are good these days, but I almost, just almost, wish Kerry would have won. That way, I wouldn't have to put up with four more years of bitching and moaning. Don't get me wrong, I'm a happy camper, kiddies. It is, however, mighty nice to see the Party of the Donkey in a complete tailspin. MMMMMM, tailspin.

I currently live in a BLUE (KADing) State by the name of Wisconsin. We have one of the highest tax burdens in the nation, yet for some reason we continuously vote for such mainstream and level headed elected officials as Russ Feingold, John Kerry, and Jim Doyle (our Harvard educated do nothing Governor). For a state that does so much whining, why...OH MERCIFUL GOD...why do we continue to vote like such mindless drones?
I firmly believe that if the Bush electorate is a bunch of numbsculled, drooling, bible-beaters that follow W blindly, then the Blue KADs are simply hypocrite that stand for only one thing...anything not Bush. They have nothing but disdain for W and nearly 53% of this nation. Let them wax-nostalgic for the heady days of Clinton and pine for the future. They do not respect anyone with a different agenda or opinion. The tolerant party of the Jackass is anything BUT! Until they respect me, they'll never get my vote.

More to come, and as always.... I'll see YOU at the yacht club.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Cartoonist Cuts a Wide Swath

If you have not already seen it, check out a recent rendering by Pat Oliphant, the widely syndicated political cartoonist. The piece is remarkable for the number of mainstream political factions that it offends in one cartoon. In fact, Oliphant goes to great pains to take all of those loosely affiliated constituencies and represent them as a cabal of the deranged being led away by the village idiot. Not too many groups escape this attempt by Oliphant to paint the 'red' portions of the electorate as Neanderthals, only politically viable by virtue of sheer numbers. I particularly like his swipe at those south of the Mason-Dixon line with the 'He lost me my job' line. Apparently, Oliphant and his cronies think Bush voters sound like Cletus the Slack-jawed Yokel of Simpsons fame. This belief manifested itself a week before the election when, in a transparent attempt to ingratiate himself to Ohio sportsmen and gun owners, John Kerry dressesd up as a hunter for Halloween. Thinking that he had better try to blend in with the local populace, the Yale educated Junior Senator from Massachussetts asked the hick behind the counter of the sporting goods store, "Can I get me a huntin' license here?" Nice touch, Senator. Anyway, take a close look at the Oliphant cartoon and you'll see that he thinks Christians, patriotic Americans, those serving in the military and senior citizens are also all brainless automatons who voted for Bush despite all the problems he's caused. It's a wonder Oliphant put any words in the cartoon at all, considering he thinks we probably can't read them.

Let's Put This "Bush Won on Moral Values" Crap to Rest, Shall We?

A bunch of single-chromasome liberals in the blue states (well, blue counties actually) are now talking about seceding from the union. The common refrain from these KADs is that Red America is a comprised of knuckle-dragging God-people hellbent on cramming evangelical Christianity down everyone's throats. They cite some polls taken on election day that stated that a plurality of the electorate based their votes on "moral values". No specific moral value was named but it has been declared by people who think that they are smarter than me that the single deciding one was gay marriage. They base this thesis on the results of some 11 ballot initiatives around the country that effectively banned the practice (conveniently ignoring that Blue Michigan and Bluer than Blue Oregon also passed such measures). This is a complete crock of shit. I will do the math while you grab a beer, Blue (tip o' the hat to dumbass KAD of the week Nick Coleman):

58,000,000 voted for Bush.

According to the poll mentioned above, 22% based their vote on "moral values" (as if this were the single deciding factor for each and every vote. I'll go with it.).

That's 12,760,000 total moral values votes.

Bush took 81% of this bloc: 10,335,600 moral votes for Bush.

What did the other 48,000,000 Bush voters base their choice on?

Maybe it was that the economy wasn't in shambles. Democrats harped on the talking point that this was the worst economy since Herbert Hoover. Translation: DENY YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE WHILE WE INSULT YOUR INTELLIGENCE.

Maybe it was a confidence that this president will try to kill the bad guys rather than try to understand them.

Maybe they saw that this president knows what the word "sovereignty" means.

Maybe they saw the inevitability of the situation in Iraq and admired the man that actually had the Big Brass Ones to do something about it.

Maybe they were sick and tired of people from faraway places, who consider themselves "intellectuals" calling them "stupid".

Speaking of stupid...

Go ahead and secede Blue America. It's just too bad for you that the food is grown here in Red America. We own more guns too.

Babs Weighs In

Leading Kool Aid Drinker (KAD) Barbara Streisand posted a quote from Thomas Jefferson on the Incoherent Rantings section of her website today:

"A little patience, and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their spells dissolve, and the people, recovering their true sight, restore their government to its true principles. It is true that in the meantime we are suffering deeply in spirit, and incurring the horrors of a war and long oppressions of enormous public debt......If the game runs sometimes against us at home we must have patience till luck turns, and then we shall have an opportunity of winning back the principles we have lost, for this is a game where principles are at stake."

This is an excerpt from a letter from TJ to a certain John Taylor reacting to the passage of the Sedition Act. Indeed, when one does a google search on this passage it turns up on a lot of left-wing blogs.

Funny but when the KADs quote this passage, they conveniently leave out TJ's lament about taxes (specifically the stamp tax and the land tax - there were no income taxes back then). He also wishes to tell Old Europe (which I guess was newer back then) where to stick it: "Better keep together as we are, haul off from Europe as soon as we can, and from all attachments to any portions of it; and if they show their power just sufficiently to hoop us together, it will be the happiest situation in which we can exist."

One more thing: Babs and her fellow KADs omit the Post Script to the letter. Perhaps they see themselves as "Porcupines": "P.S. It is hardly necessary to caution you to let nothing of mine get before the public; a single sentence got hold of by the Porcupines, will suffice to abuse and persecute me in their papers for months."

There can be no worse abuse heaped upon TJ than to have a bunch of dimwitted appeasement-prone socialist celebrities use his words against a president (and the people who elected him) he would have approved of.

Full text of TJ's letter here.


Monday, November 08, 2004

Missing Explosives Story Missing

Has anybody heard anything new about explosives being looted from the Al QaQaa (or however the hell it's spelled) bunkers? The story just seemed to evaporate on November 3rd. Just wondering if our valiant guardians of the Democracy in the MSM saw any further value in pursuing it.

A Watershed Cinematic Event

I never saw Farenheit 911. I didn't have to. The lead-up to the release, with all of the accompanying 'buzz' gave me a pretty good idea as to what the movie would be about. I needed to see this tripe about as much as I needed to watch 'Ishtar' again (though I walked out of that one approximately 32 seconds into it - it really 'grabbed me'). Among those in the circles I travel, I know of not one soul (and I've asked) who threw good money away to see this piece of garbage. That being said, I do think the movie deserves recognition for the impact it had on the election. It is my belief that Michael Moore's slimy swatch of celluloid (that may not even be the technology anymore, in fact I'm sure it's not, but I needed to make the alliteration work) helped to cement the reelection of President Bush. Now I am certainly not as schooled in polling as Zogby or Rasmussen, but by my count, almost all of those to whom I previously referred as having the good sense not to see Farentripe Lie 101 also said that the movie's mere existence helped 'seal the deal' for them with regard to their vote. That is, while I think they were most likely leaning toward a vote for Bush, it seems Barren Fright Whine One One gave them a cause to rally round. Without even seeing it. At the very least, it certainly helped to motivate the all important 'base' that seems to have turned out in record numbers. Now I will not go so far as to say that F911 (I can't think of anymore pseudonyms) absolutely got Bush a second term. That would be irony too sweet for words. I do think it helped. And it's doubly satisfying knowing that it may have done so without further lining the necessarily ample pockets of Michael Moore.

Never Mind

Seek and ye shall find. The answer to the question posed below can be found here. Note the use of the term "hate speech" in the article and contrast with your own experience over the past few days - you Bible-thumpin', gay-hatin', gun-totin', welfare denyin', environment degradin' Alabama-like hick.

What Happened to Mark Belling?

I noticed that Milwaukee talk radio Colossus Mark Belling is off the air today for some purported racist statements. Are there any peeps in Brew Town that can fill me in as to what he said and when he said it? Please post to comments if you know anything.

Copping Out

Jonah Goldberg of National Review posted a column today that I would have written myself yesterday if I wasn't so busy trying to keep my brain from falling out of my head after reading Nick Coleman's B.S. It's beyond me why Jonah has not achieved Coulter-like status. He is one hell of a writer: lucid, funny and vicious.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Dear Bush Voter, You Are a Moron

Minneapolis Star Tribune Columnist Nick Coleman is an example of one reason I dropped out of journalism school (the other being that I had to take a typing test). Approximately 2% of J-school students were well adjusted folks like me who enjoyed writing and telling a story. The other 98% were a bunch of left-wing jerk-offs who felt that the media's role is not to be a check on the government by reporting facts and creating a picture as close to reality as possible so that the reader may be fully informed, but to "change the world" by advocating for change and ignoring facts that were inconvenient to their thesis. Nick is a 98 per center.

In fairness, Nick is not a reporter. He is a "page two" columnist who usually features slice o' life type articles. Of course the slices of life he reports are almost always stories that reflect positively on left-wing dogma or negatively on right-wingers (example: in a column a couple of months ago, he set off to find the typical Bush voter. He found them in a redneck bar in a northern suburb of Minneapolis at 2:00 on a weekday afternoon; babling incoherently as you might expect. If he were such a great reporter he might have tried looking for Republicans in, oh say, the IDS tower downtown or perhaps in their homes after the work day ends in Apple Valley.)

His column today (free registration required) is probably the most putrid in a line of bile that has been eminating from the left-wing opinion press this week. Appearing in the same issue that features a guest op-ed claiming that "Rove and GOP gambled against the Enlightenment, and won", and fellow "page two" leftist Doug Grow's lament that South Dakotans' long overdue ouster of Tom Daschle was a vote for mediocrity. Coleman's latest elitist dipshit ramblings cannot go unanswered. Therefore, I shall push the "fair use" doctrine to its limit:

The premise of Nicky's column is that he is answering all the hate-mail that conservatives sent him (and he deserved: just ask the boys at Powerline). Text in brackets is mine:

***
You sent me a ton of angry mail, Red [that is Conservative Nation]: letters giving me "a one-fingered salute," telling me the '60s are over, that I should shut my cake-hole, and sending me a map of the country that seems overwhelmingly red. Until you study it closely while thinking about where you'd like to go on vacation someday. Do that and you discover that all the places you want to visit are blue. [Uh huh, like Florida, Arizona, Colorado, Nevada, Montana, and Idaho - John Kerry has one of his vacation homes there, it must be nice. And I hear that people are flockin - just flocking - to blue state paradises like New Jersey, Delaware, and the Blue portion of Michigan - Detroit.]

But here's what I found troubling about your letters, Red: Many of you don't seem to realize you live in Minnesota. You think you are in Alabama. [Oh yeah, Alabama is a good place to vacation too. The Gulf Shore is beautiful and don't forget the Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail. And how could I omit North and South Carolina as fabulous vacation destinations too. Now what were you saying? I'm still busy laughing at the stupidity of that vacation comment. Oh that's right - conservative Minnesotans are the eqivalent of toothless hick Alabamians. Please continue, asshole.]

Speaking now to Blue Minnesota: In case you missed it, Alabama didn't just vote red by 63 percent. It also defeated an initiative to remove segregationist language from its state statutes.
Yes, indeed, the 1960s are over. What worries me is the people who want to go back to the 1860s.
[This just speaks for itself. What a condescending jerk.]

Back to you, Red:

Yes, George Bush won another term with 51 percent of the vote, which he believes gives him a mandate to stop being Mr. Nice Guy and start getting tough on Social Security.
But not in Minnesota, Red.

Minnesota stayed blue, as it has for 12 straight presidential elections, except the one CREEP stole for Tricky Dick in 1972. [This should not be a source of pride, Nicky. That Minnesota Blue vote was for Clinton twice, Dukakis, Mondale and twice for perhaps the worst president of the 20th century: Jimmy Carter. That's why I refer to Minnesota as the National Electoral Embarrassment. I imagine you think that the late Sen. Wellstone was a profile in courage because he was often the "1" in a 99 to 1 vote on the Senate floor. Being the sole vote against something is not an indication of courage, but it is a pretty good indication that you are WRONG.] In fact, we are bluer now than we were four years ago, despite the pipe dreams of Norm Coleman and Tim Pawlenty [Both republicans put in high places by a statewide election, ahem.] and the fact that Bush visited Minnesota more often than a mukluk salesman [But of course, Kerry and Edwards didn't. We're still trying to get rid of that hairspray smell].

This stubborn fact is driving some Reds nuts -- those of you who are writing to gloat about Bush's victory and tell me to "get used to it." The fact that I have voted for many Republicans [Bullshit. And Arne Carlson does NOT count as a Republican] and Independents, that I have only voted for one Democratic winner [that's because the rest of the country was voting against them] in my life, that I am a church-going Christian and that I do not suck the blood of children snatched from Bible camp does not keep you from wanting to rub my nose in Bush's victory.

Well, Red, let's look at some of the true blue things that are hard for you to swallow, and which might make it easier for you if you moved to Alabama or some other red-state Shangri-La [Hell-hole Cape Hatteras here I come! Or maybe Vegas baby! I hear New Mexico is quite pretty this time of year].

While you are claiming that 51 percent nationally gives Bush a mandate [It does, you moron, considering that he is the first candidate since his dad to get a majority of the popular vote. Let's also not forget Republicans expanded majorities in both houses, you vile vomitous mass], you also complain that too much is being made of the Democrats' 51 percent in Minnesota.
You can't have it both ways, Red: A mandate for the goose is a mandate for the gander. With a 3.5 percentage-point Democratic margin, Minnesota is a major redoubt in 19-state Blue America.
Minnesotans have a mandate to stick up for what a majority of our voters support.
[Partial birth abortion, socialism, diverity of race but not ideas.]
Just call us Big Blue. [I got somethin' big and blue for ya']
Sorry, Red. [Apology NOT accepted]
Minnesota went for Kerry by a majority equivalent to the entire populations of Duluth [Whose citizens terminally suffer from brain-freeze. See e.g., the climate they chose to live in and the restaurant smoking ban] (which gave Kerry 67 percent of the vote) and Chanhassen (which went for Bush). Minnesota's red and blue totals each increased over the numbers of the 2000 election. But the red-blue gap widened by 40,000 votes, growing from a Democratic margin of 58,000 four years ago to a whopping 98,000 [You keep failing to mention that Minnesota went for Jimmy Carter TWICE!].
I'll do the math while you get us a beer, Red: That's 69 percent bluer.
And that Big Blue Bang explains why a baker's dozen of Republicans lost seats in the Minnesota House
[Yet STILL MAINTAINED A MAJORITY YOU TINY-BRAINED WIPER OF OTHER PEOPLE'S BOTTOMS] -- that and Pawlenty's Bully Boy effort to whip up votes by appealing to greed and racial resentment of Indian casinos. My favorite losers: Lynda Boudreau, the ex-bandit who helped pass the gun permit law, and Arlon Lindner, our equal opportunity bigot [Speaking of bigots...].
It wasn't just Edina that turned blue, Red. So did Mendota Heights, Eagan (the governor's home) and many other areas where moderate Minnesotans [Ah, I see: Radical equals conservative, Moderate equals VOTING FOR TWO OF THE MOST LIBERAL MEMBERS OF THE SENATE]-- of all political stripes -- who care deeply about education, health care, the environment and the social safety net [we conservatives just want everybody to die] decided they did not want to be in Alabama.
We like it here in Gopherville.
[With a close-up view of one's own rectum. Did I mention that this wise electorate Nicky extolls voted for Jimmy Carter twice? And George McGovern?]
You know, Red, I think red and blue are both beautiful colors. When Minnesotans mix them together, we get purple -- a pretty popular hue around these parts, especially on Sundays during football season. Try to play along. If you don't learn from this election and keep demanding that your neighbors shut up and knuckle under to the national vote while deriding the verdict at home, then you will be left sputtering to yourselves [As opposed to wasting valuable column space in a big-city newspaper responding to e-mailers who disagree with you when you could have just hit the delete key and ignored the criticism like a Big Boy and done something more useful. Perhaps taking a sabatical and writing an economics textbook. Or taking a long vacation checking out the beautiful countryside and historic places in Red-state Virginia].
Until you are red in the face.
[Or bald in the head. (Sorry - that was cheap).]



New Graphic Lends Cred to Blog

We took another step toward attainment of 'high-profile blog' status with the addition of our new Kool Aid Report graphic. Now all we need are some respondents to our insightful and eloquent posts. Give us some feedback on the graphic, or anything else if you're out there.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

It's Evident Already: The Left is going Left'er

We had a national election on Tuesday. It is now Saturday, and a victory for the president that looked substantial on Wednesday now looks even more overwhelming by week's end. Margins in Ohio and nationwide have widened, and it looks as if it was never really as close as we were led to believe by all of those who should know better. Indeed, President Bush is already talking about investing some of the "political capital" he earned, and the "M" word has been tossed about frequently by pundits and supporters alike. One would think that a party defeated so thoroughly might begin a period of introspection and reflection, taking stock of itself and attempting to clean house. One would think. I am happy to observe that it seems the exact opposite is happening. Happy because it means that there will probably be no serious challenges to Republican majorities in either the House or Senate, or a Democrat in the Oval Office for the foreseeable future. That South Dakotans sent Tom Daschel back home, to obstruct no more, should have been among the loudest of a collection of klaxons, warning Democrats that they have embarked upon a dead-end path in their sojourn to regain power. But as Zell Miller reminded us all at the Republican convention in August, they hear not. I am already reading columns from the usual suspects (see Molly Ivins latest) that are imploring readers to get even angrier, and to make sure the same America-bashing, U.N. centric message they've been advancing for the last 12 years is vocalized with more intensity and shrillness the next time they get to present their case to the electorate. They're going left'er, if that's possible. It's O.K. with me. Keep yelling! America needs to hear you loud and clear.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Don't buy Paul Krugman's text book (or anything else that he says)

Uber-Jerk Paul Krugman says in today's column that he is taking a 2 month sabatical to write an economics text. If you were a student who might in the future have some teacher foist this book upon you as a requirement for credit, I would strongly suggest dropping the course. You see, despite the fact that Paulie is a professor of economics at MIT, his columns demonstrate a rather disturbing lack of any understanding of, uh, economics. To wit: at least once a month he decries the national deficit (or the purported effect that tax cuts have on it) despite the fact that: 1.) we are at WAR; 2.) Interest rates are at all-time lows (everybody here that bought their house with cash raise their hands); and 3.) The Reagan tax cuts had the effect of RAISING revenue flowing into the U.S. treasury's coffers. All the while he contends that the U.S. economy is bad, when all evidence indicates that it is not (see also, election results).

That's the specific. In general, I still say that the next lefty I meet that has even the most tenuous understanding of market economics will be the first.

Welcome

The best part about arguing with leftists, is that you usually don't have to formualte much of an argument. The best rebukes are usually contained within their own dimwitted statements. All you need to do is insert your own common sense. Please stay tuned.