Monday, January 31, 2005

A picture sure to rattle opponents of freedom in Iraq and here

I love this picture. Freedom loving people everywhere cannot help but love this picture. It represents the sacrifice of a lot of fine people - particularly U.S. military personnel and Iraqi citizens. It also represents a stake through the heart of the enemies of the Iraqi people and free people around the world. Yes, there will be more viloence and attacks directed at the source of this fledgling democracy. These enemies will not go softly into the dark night. But make no mistake about it, they have been beaten. They have been beaten, and things will be getting much better in Iraq and the Middle East from here on in. There are a lot of people to thank for this wonderful gift of freedom the Iraqi people have been given - too many people to thank. I would like to at least help the cause by pointing out those who not only deserve NO thanks, but actually were as formidable an obstacle to this goal as the terrorists. This day happened in spite of your efforts, and in spite of your hatred of freedom, except the freedom to be perverse:

Michael Moore

Ted Kennedy

George Soros

Jaques Chirac

Koffi Annan

Barbara Boxer

Robert Redford

Ed Asner

Whoopi Goldberg


God Bless America!

Nihilist vs. Wetterling in '06

With the 2006 midterm election ready to heat up, it's time that we started putting the pieces in place for a successful election. With the 6th District's Representative, Mark Kennedy, the odds-on favorite to succeed Minnesota Statewide Embarrassment Mark Dayton in the Senate, a new candidate must be found to run against Patty Wetterling in the Sixth.

The answer is clear: the Nihilist in Golf Pants.

You tell me who has the winning campaign:

Wetterling: I want to go to Congress to help the children.

Nihilist: Screw the children! They can't vote. I want to represent the hairy-backed swamp developers and corporate shills, the faith-based economists, fundamentalist bullies with Bibles, Christians of convenience, the freelance racists and misanthropic frat boys, the shrieking midgets of AM radio, the tax cheats ... the brownshirts in pinstripes, the sweatshop tycoons, the hacks, the fakirs, the aggressive dorks, the Lamborghini libertarians, and the people who believe Neil Armstrong's moonwalk was filmed in Roswell, New Mexico. Those people can legally vote. And they have cash to fund my campaign. Children shmildren.

Now, I ask you: who has a better chance of winning? A candidate whose sole constituency can't even legally vote, or a guy whose very name carries the gravitas of a Garrison Keillor quote?

Send a Nihilist to Washington in '06!

Anything to get Sisyphus to stop writing about art.

P.S. Be sure to take the new poll!

Yet Another Nail In the Coffin of Stupidity

Not that we needed any more ammo, but...

Remember when Michael Moore drew a moral equivalence between Islamo-fascist terrorists and the American Revoltionaries:

The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not "insurgents" or "terrorists" or "The Enemy." They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow -- and they will win. Get it, Mr. Bush?

And then you read something like this.

OK, with Moore it's more like a "Piano Crate of Stupidity."

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Moron Mail

CAUTION: The following post may contain run-on sentences.

This was truly a dismal day in the editorial pages of the Strib. First, there was the section's lead: a hit piece on Christians by former mouth-breathing Lyndon Johnson political hatchetman turned mouth-breathing freelance political hatchetman Bill "I Cannot Come Up With A Nickname Vile Enough To Describe This Jerk" Moyers.

Then Minnesota Icon (who maintains a home in River Falls, Wisconsin) Garrison "Dork Chic" Keillor offered a piece about Lutherans, gay marriage, and his favorite topic, himself, which included the following passage:

It absorbs and deflects violence and anger by causing confusion and annoyance and writing a lovely amorphous mishmash of sentences like extruded marshmallows and thus the peace is kept.

Speaking of extruded marshmallows, here's a helpful hint for the ladies: if your man is all over you, but you are not in the mood, simply say the words "gay, Lutheran, Garrison Keillor" and you will not have to worry about him for at least a week.

But, as is always the case, the best material comes from the rank-and-file moonbats. Like the following letter to the Strib. As an editorial exercise, (somewhere Jim Boyd is saying "an editorial wha'?") I have annotated all of the baseless and questionable assertions or those statements suggest a narcotic-induced version of reality, with this (?) or other comments:

Bring them home

On Monday, let's declare victory in Iraq and start bringing the troops home(?).

We forced Iraqis to have a bogus election
(?). We leveled cities (well, one city anyway-ed.), ruined infrastructure (then fixed it -ed.), killed more than 100,000 (?) and maimed twice as many(?). We've inspired a new generation of outraged Muslims(?). We've sacrificed (who sacrificed?-ed.) 1,400 of our soldiers and hundreds from other countries. We've spent $200 billion to create chaos (?) at home (?) and abroad (?). We've turned the world against us(?).

Our job in Iraq is complete (?). Let's claim victory and go home (?).

Kathy Stone, St. Paul.

Here's the version of the letter that would be printed if letters to the editor were held to account for factual inaccuracies and inflammatory rhetoric:

On Monday.

Kathy Stone, St. Paul

I would be happy to lend the Strib my extraordinary editorial skills. Just think of all the space that could be used for advertising when letters and commentaries like Stone's are pared down to their bare essences! My resume is available on request.

Bill Moyers needs a dictionary

Function: noun
1 : visionary theorizing
2 a: a systematic body of concepts especially about human life or culture b: a manner or the content of thinking characteristic of an individual, group, or culture c: the integrated assertions, theories and aims that constitute a sociopolitical program

Bill Moyers retired from something a few weeks ago right? Well he has reappeared in our favorite paper in today's OP EX section, with a scathing examination of the Bush administration and the irreparable damage they are doing to the environment. Isn't Moyers supposed to be some intellectual giant? I know any lefty who appears on TV regularly is automatically a genius, especially if they appear on public TV, like Moyers. But all I heard in the weeks leading up to his departure from that medium was how brilliant he is, and how badly his wise insight would be missed. Public TV would become an intellectual wasteland upon his leaving. Which brings me to this post, and the reason I lead with a definition of the word "Ideology." Moyers piece for today's Strib, and I am sure some other papers via syndication, is another hit-job on Bush's environmental policy. The text is taken from Moyer's remarks upon receiving the Global Environmental Citizen Award from Harvard. The first paragraph reprinted in the Strib leads me to believe that Moyers does not know the definition of ether ideology or theology. Here it is:

"One of the biggest changes in politics in my lifetime is that the delusional is no longer marginal. It has come in from the fringe, to sit in the seat of power [right next to Jimmy Carter at the Democrat National Convention] in the Oval Office and in Congress [in the chair reserved for the senior senator from Minnesota]. For the first time in our history, ideology and theology hold a monopoly of power in Washington."


Now let's take a look at this. What does he mean when he says 'ideololgy and theology hold a monopoly of power..."? Ideology cannot hold power as Moyers has stated it. What he means to say, and to impugn the current administration with, is that conservative ideology and Christian theology hold a monopoly of power in Washington, even though the latter is not true. Does Bill not realize that every president since and including George Washington has held to some sort of ideology? Isn't a steadfast belief in some ideology one of the traits of a good leader? How can one believe or hold to nothing and ascend to any position of leadership? As for theology, again I ask whether or not he knows the word's meaning. Theology by definition is the study of religions and their influences on human culture. How can theology hold power? A particular religious belief may scare Moyers, and I am sure his audience gets his meaning by inference: The particular ideology and religious bent of the Bush administration holds a monopoly of power in Washington, and of course, that's bad. Get a dictionary Bill!

9/11: America's Reichstag Fire

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm getting very tired of the 'Nazification' of the Bush administration by letter writers to the Minneapolis Star Tribune. These people think they are being so clever in weaving analogies between the administration and the Nazis, and the Strib has no qualms what-so-ever about publishing this pablum. The fact of the matter is that one could take any administration in U.S. history and find tenuous parallels to some evil-doer regime. Here is the latest of at least three such letters I found in that rag this week:

Learning from the past

"While the Holocaust was part of the darkest time in world history, let's not forget what Nazi war criminal Hermann Goering said at the Nuremberg Trials:

'Of course the people don't want war. But after all, it's the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it's always a simple matter to drag the people along whether it's a democracy, a Facist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a Communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger.'

The current administration must have been reading their history books."

Aaron Bennett, Brooklyn Park, MN.

Wow Aaron, we're impressed. You're scaring the Hell out of all of us. We have NAZI'S in the White House! WHAT ARE WE TO DO? But there is one minor flaw in your attempt to paint the Bush admin with the same brush as Hitler, Goering, Goebels and the rest of the Happyland Players: WE WERE ACTUALLY ATTACKED! Remember the line in your little letter quoting Goering when he said 'All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked...' ? Well, they had to do that because there were no crazed Muslim extremists flying Boeing 767's into the Reichstag. Also, I do not know of one administration official who has denounced opponents of the war for a lack of patriotism. The only one screaming about that is Hillary, and that's so she can get face-time in front of a camera. I really do know why Aaron and the rest of the Moonbats want to compare Bush to Hitler: It's because they lost and are not ready to accept the fact that they are losing in the marketplace of ideas. It has inspired me to compose another limerick:

There once were some Moonbats who voted
On Kerry all their hopes floated
And then when he lost
Those hopes they were quashed
So the Moonbats went nuts and revolted

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Blogger beginning to go stir crazy

I officially have cabin fever. I don't know about anyone else, but I really am beginning to hate winter in this state. It wasn't always that way. Oh there was a time, back in the day as the kids say, when V-Toed-Bill would celebrate and embrace the dark season. I would ski, play hockey (outside, not in any fancy-shmancie arena), engage in spontaneous snowball fights, and generally enjoy the snow and ice from November until March. But no more. I dread the coming of winter, and even start to lament it's inevitable arrival at the Summer Solstice in June. The days begin getting shorter, and I know they will continue to do so until December, when we will be trapped in Old Man Winter's icy grip. I mean the Old Man Winter that you see in cartoon renderings every so often, with the parsed lips blowing a frigid blast of arctic air right at Minnesota. He hates this state!
True, the days do begin to get longer after December, but that realization brings little solace. The two main reasons for my hatred of winter are the fact that there is no way to play golf, and we have almost zero chance of getting a good old fashioned thunderstorm. I love golf and storms. I think I need both on a regular basis to survive, and if I am deprived of either for extended periods, it feels like the life-force is draining from me. It's either that or seasonal affective disorder (SAD). By the way, I am certain that the acronym SAD was one of those acronyms that was derived backwards, and I hate that too. I bet someone decided it would be good to have a syndrome that had a name befitting the ailment, and they came up with SAD, and then came up with words that would make the acronym work. Not like NASA, where they had National Aeronautics and Space Administration already, and that just happened to form a cool, word-like acronym. Do you see the stuff I think about while I'm stuck in Old Man Winter's Icy Grip? It's bleak out there. I have a golf calendar on my wall in the home office of KAR East (KAR West is LearnedFoot's house, just to my West), and the February header picture is a shot of a fairway at Madden's in Brainerd, with a light mist coming off of a lateral water hazard. Oh to be there right now, with a thunderstorm coming! Actually, that would be bad. Golf courses are generally no place to be during a thunderstorm. I wonder if my love of golf AND storms is somehow indicative of an internal psychological conflict. Do you see what Old Man Winter's Icy Grip can do to one's mind? I think I'll go to Barnes and Nobel and pick up a copy of the Idiot's Guide to Psychoanalysis.

KAR devoted to Dayton's defeat

It should come as no surprise to anyone who reads KAR that we will be cheering for whoever it is that runs as the Republican challenger to Mark Dayton for Minnesota's hostage senate seat. I would just like to formally announce this blog's intention to help that cause in any way we can. I was livid over Dayton's recent conduct during the confirmation hearings for Secretary Rice, and decided then and there to do whatever it takes to defeat this simp. Like creating fun graphics like the "Dayton Defeat Clock" on the right margin this page. It will be my goal to display this or some other reminder of KAR's total commitment to "Senator Department Store's" drubbing somewhere visible on the blog until the happy day that he is shown the door out of his DC office (if he hasn't already abandonned the place because of a storm warning or a fire drill.) I also want to point out that a fellow blogger has devoted an ENTIRE BLOG to this effort, though I am sure our intrepid readers are aware of the site, as 'tuned in' as they tend to be. In any event, it is my pleasure to link Dayton v Kennedy here and point out that he is already well entreanched and ready to do battle. A more worthy cause I cannot imagine. Look for more Dayton updates here and at other Minnesota blogs near you!

Nick Coleman and the Art of Linking

In this post, I discussed the art of creative linking in a blog post. Yesterday, in an article in Editor & Publisher, Nick Coleman ranted on and on, like the little bitch that he is, about the danger of blogers. The piece featured a quote revisiting one of Coleman's most, uh, talked about columns, that lends itself perfectly to artful linking. First, here's the excerpt unadorned:

In that same piece, Coleman called the bloggers everything from "rottweilers in sheep's clothing" to "reliable partisan hacks." He claimed that the site and others like it "are dominated by the right and are only interested in being a megaphone without oversight, disclosure of conflicts of interest, or professional standards," adding that the blog was "the biggest link in a daisy chain of right-wing blogs that is assaulting mainstream media."

And now that same excerpt with value added:

In that same piece, Coleman called the bloggers everything from "rottweilers in sheep's clothing" to "reliable partisan hacks." He claimed that the site and others like it "are dominated by the right and are only interested in being a megaphone without oversight, disclosure of conflicts of interest, or professional standards," adding that the blog was "the biggest link in a daisy chain of right-wing blogs that is assaulting mainstream media."

Newspapers can't do this, which is why they will eventually die.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Coleman: "Government Redistribution of Wealth By Means of Confiscation and Exercise of Control Over the Means of Production Is Not Socialism"

The difference between charity and government confiscation and redistribution of wealth continues to elude Our Favorite Columnist.

Often when one wants to fisk the hell out of twerps like OFC, one needs to dig through the moldy achives of the writer's past work to find ammunition and/or inconsistencies. Nick made the job easy today by including everything I need all in the same article - a eulogy of radical socialist priest John Ryan (emphasis mine):

Ryan also was a proponent of the right of labor unions to organize, and he pushed for cooperative relationships between labor and capital. He also advocated "distributive justice," by which wealth would not be concentrated in the hands of a few oligarchs but made available to all of society.

In this Christian nation today, wealth is being redistributed, all right. But it's moving up the food chain, not down. Ryan wouldn't like that...

Got that? OK. Then Coleman goes on to demonstrate that he doesn't own a dictionary, never cracked a history or economics book, and was not paying attention during the cold war:

But he was not a socialist or a radical.

And Marx was not a Marxist. Trotsky was not a trotskyite. Mao was not a Maoist.

So in this "distributive justice" paradigm, how exactly would "wealth" be "made avilable to all in society"?

Get back to me, Nick, once you've bought a dictionary, cracked a history or economics textbook, or remember the cold war.

Power Line Lags Woefully Behind KAR Again

Power Line has been diligently updating readers on the emerging voter fraud scandal in Wisconsin. For example, they posted this yesterday and this today. If you would like to find out more about this, you can follow the news links contained in those posts. (Consider this an olive branch PL. - the ball's in your court.)

However, I had this story LAST NOVEMBER.

Yes, I posted two short little items on this subject, in a Drudge-like fashion, here and here


When the story was virtually ignored at the time by the MSM and our 7 readers, I moved on to other endeavors like making fat jokes about Molly Ivins. And I never looked back.

Oh well. What I lack in gravitas, I make up for by BEATING POWER LINE TO THE PUNCH BY MORE THAN TWO MONTHS.

Posting Explosion at Nihilist In Golf Pants

There have been 5 posts at Nihilist in Golf Pants in the last 24 hours. This is a spike in activity that represents roughly double the output than that of the entire past week there. What could this mean?

Did the addition of a fifth poster suddenly foster a a renewed sense of competition amongst the Nihilists?

Did the aftermath of Sisyphus' chili keep everybody up last night?

Is this a display of power forshadowing the commencement of some act of naked aggression against the blogosphere?

Let's keep an eye on this...

KAR Historic Moment

No, it's not because Bill actually posted TWICE within a 24 hour period.

I'm killing a post.

A couple of days ago I was incensed by yet another moonbat characterizing 52% of the electorate as mouth-breathing Neandertals (and yes, that is the correct spelling of "Neanderthal"). I posted a piece that was rather aggressive without being balanced by my trade mark cheekiness. It was instigated by a confluence of anger, sleep-deprivation and my furnace making noises that put me in the fear that it was about to turn my house into a flaming ball of death. It resulted in a coarseness that continues to make me feel dirty, even though that RAY WARNER GUY IS A CONDESCENDING -

LearnedFoot's Anger Counselor: Easy, Foot. Calm yourself by writing a haiku.


Cute fuzzy puppies
Yipping, pawing at my feet
Please don't hump my leg.
OK I'm better now. Anyhoo I'm killing the post because:
1) I fear that I inspired a level of vitriol, that resulted in an overall coarseness and led some to possibly insult innocent bystanders in addition to Ray.
2) Doug's comment indicated that he misapprehended the point of of the post. This is not a statement on his intelligence (which you'd note is considerable if you've ever read his blog), but it did speak to the quality of my writing. Certain local columnists would see it the other way around, and would do so without editorial oversight. Take this as an indication that I am a bigger man (in all ways, if you know what I mean - oh that was just unnecessary) of certain local columnists.
So I'm killing the comments (thanks to all who posted them by the way - even the troll.), and I'm redacting the post to something simpler. Something that allows Ray's piece of crap letter speak for itself.
With that ugliness out of the way: stay tuned - I've got a Powerline update and Nick Coleman on my plate for today.

Friday Limerick

Since my colleague LearnedFoot demonstrated a talent for Haiku in a post earlier this week, I have been feeling inferior. But then I remebered that I have always been able to spin up a quick limerick, and I began to feel much better. So from now on, LF will be the KAR Haiku Master, and I shall be the KAR Limerick Laureate. My first offering to a broad audience follows:

Minnesota's Senator Dayton
For his ouster we're patiently waitin'
His term's nearly finished
His reputation diminished
It's thin ice on which he is skatin'

Well, that's the best I could do on short notice on a Friday.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

METHinks a moron is afoot

The Minneapolis Star Tribune regularly makes a point of publishing letters from readers that help support the paper's left-leaning agenda. Here is proof positive that the 'Strib' will put in any letter, no matter how insanely delusional the writer, in order to advance the notion that Governor Pawlenty and President Bush are the problem. For those of you who have read this letter already in the paper, it cannot be read too many times. For those for whom this forum will be the first time they have seen this letter, get ready to go nuts:

Fighting meth foolishly

"Gov. Tim Pawlenty's State of the State speech left me wondering how he could succeed in getting tough on methamphetamine use at the same time he seeks to limit state health insurance to those who really need it.
[You've already stuck your foot in your mouth, moron. God forbid we limit access to a government program to only those who really need it!]
Anyone who needs UCare or state sponsored health insurance lacks the sort of quality employment that offers health insurance. [Here it comes folks. Get ready...] Selling meth is a cheap, easy way to make money for citizens stuck in such low paying jobs. Being deprived of health insurance will only intensify the drive to sell meth in order to [here it comes...] cover family medical bills or other necessities. [THERE IT IS! Drug dealers are not dealing meth and crack to make a profit. They are selling meth and crack to pay "family" medical bills. There is more...]
Balancing the budget on the backs of the marginally insured is likely to make the methamphetamine problem worse, not better. [It's Pawlenty's fault people are drug dealers. Not the parents of the low-life, not the guardians, Pawlenty.]
Minnesota was recently rated the healthiest state in the country - and logically, also boasts the highest proportion of citizens with health insurance. Which state had the lowest percentage of uninsured citizens? [Let's see, moron. Judging by the tone of your letter, and the fact that you have gone into three paragraphs without taking an obligatory shot at the president, I'm going to guess Texas.] The answer is no surprise: Texas."

Mary B. Sebas, Sartell, Minn.

There ya go, loyal readers. The Star Tribune obviously thought this point-of-view needed to be heard. Such thoughtful, studied analysis deserves to have its day in print, and the 'Strib' never disappoints. Hide Mary! We've got the mantel of leadership for the next four years.

A Deep Breath

After extensive consultations with my anger management counselor, I have come to realize that my last post may have been a little over the top. Sometimes those Conservatives-Are-Morons creeps make me very crabby.

So as therapy, here is a haiku:

Happy green froggies
Frolic in a tree; I hope
They poop on Ray's head.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Dear Bush Voter: You Are a Moron Part 78 - The Final Battle

A letter to the editor in today's Strib:

The legacy of Election 2004 includes at least one lesson and one irony.

The lesson: When targeting the intelligence of the American voter, aim low.

The irony: Only one developed nation, ours, has a head of state who is in denial on global warming -- a phenomenon that may well cause his second-favorite state, Florida, to disappear.

Only a few feet of sea-level rise is required for that to happen.

Ray Warner, Edina.

Res ipsa loquitur.

Poll Positions

The first ever KAR poll has closed. Our crack staff of statisticians have crunched the numbers. Here is a summary of the results:
  • In a statistical smackdown of Biblical proportions, 71% of pollees said that LearnedFoot is the paragon of virtue, an innocent victim and quite possibly the heir apparent to Power Line in the blogosphere, once Power Line begins its inevitable fall into obscurity;
  • 9% of respondents opined that both LearnedFoot and Power Line "can both go to hell." Our team of independent statisticians interpreted this vote to be the functional equivalent of "Power Line can go to hell";
  • John Hinderocker accounted for 4% of the total votes cast; and
  • In an interesting statistical juxtaposition, Power Line's credibility was outstripped by V-Toed-Bill's hotness by a 3 to 2 ratio.

Thanks to all 10 of you who voted!

I have posted a new poll regarding the events of last Saturday night. One vote is allowed per computer, per day. The poll will remain open until I receive a result that I want.

Strib Banks on Assumption That None of Its Readers Attended College

I rarely comment on the Strib's "institutional voice" editorials. It's kind of like playing one-on-one basketball against an 8 year old Pygmy: you always win, and it's never satisfying. Today, the Strib featured one such editorial that, once I had given it a quick scan, appeared rather moderate, given that it eminated from the Pukes of Portland Ave. The thrust seems to be that the Strib editorial staff is willing to consider the possibility that, gee, men and women may be different. Hey, it's not much, but it's a start.

Then I read the first two sentences:

Right-wing bloggers and radio talksters love to ridicule the nation's elite universities for enforcing a code of liberal "political correctness" that supposedly prevents free speech on touchy subjects like culture, race and gender.

Usually those complaints are off-base and exaggerated.

To which this right-wing blogger can only reply:


Tuesday, January 25, 2005

How to Make Money Blogging

After the Strib published Susan Lenfestey's outrage, and I wrote my little hit piece about it last week, I decided to do a little digging. I found that there may be something out there about Lenfestey that may or may not be suspicious. I also discovered that her husband, James Lenfestey, is a retired editorial writer for the Strib. One mystery solved: we now know how Susan Lenfestey gets her crap published.

That is not the point of this post.

I found that James Lenfestey is now an "author and a poet". This got me to thinking: how do poets make money? The answer occurred to me immediately:

Large government grants.

The National Endowment of the Arts, and the National Endowment of the Humanities throws all kinds of taxpayer money at undeserving twerps like the Lenfesteys every year. I think its time that us bloggers started fatting ourselves at the public trough.

Think about it: blogging is an art and a humanity. Its art lies in the prose, the presentation of the text and the creative use of links. And what greater humanity exists than vigorous public discourse?

Therefore I propose the following:

First, us Minnesota bloggers form a nonprofit corporation with a high-falootin' name like "The National Institute of Chroniclers of Knowledge, Ignorance and Sophistry - Division of Minnesota Bloggers" (or N.I.C.K.I.S.D.U.M.B. for short).

Next we apply for a big juicy grant from the NEA or the NEH.

Once NICKISDUMB has the grant money safely in hand, the proceeds can be used to:
  • Cover blog-related expenses for those bloggers that have them;
  • Purchase beer.

So who's in?

Everything's Going My Way

I wasn't going to post anything until lunch, but I'm bursting with joy over two news items this morning.

1) Slowik is out; Bates is in. Yes!

2) Fahrenheit 9/11 and Michael Moore got the Big Snub for the Oscars. That's right the big goose-egg for nominations. But that's not the best part.

Remember how Moore didn't release that pile of crap movie on DVD before the election so that it would be considered for Best Picture? Costing him probably hundreds of thousands of dollars?

And remember how George Bush won the election?


Suck on it Mike.

And the Kool Aid Report wishes Mr. Slowik all the best in his future endeavors.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Loose Ends: Chili and Iron Maiden

I almost forgot to fulfill a couple of promises I made Saturday night. I'm posting it here, because it might be of general interest:

For Margaret: You can find a pretty close approximation of my Cincinnati Chili here. A few things: 1) I don't know what the hell "garlic toe" is, and I don't want to. I throw in 5 or 6 crushed garlic cloves; 2) If you want to increase the heat, do it by using more chili powder - I don't use whole red peppers; 3) I usually put a little sugar in there to accent the sweetness of the beef; 4) Don't use lean beef; use a fattier beef like one with an 85/15 ratio. It makes a big difference, and you can always get heart surgery; 5) Serve it over spaghetti (for some reason, this recipe doesn't mention that); 6) Don't let Sisyphus cook it.

For Saint Paul: Here's the link to the NRO article by John Miller that I mentioned, making it acceptable for thirty-odd year-old responsible adults to listen to Iron Maiden.

Enough with the MOB party redux. Tomorrow I'm back to ridiculing stupid people.

MOB Stories

After extensive detoxification therapy utilizing an experimental blood replacement technique tried on only one other person ever (Keith Richards), I have managed to reconstruct what happened at the MOB blowout on Saturday night.

I had a wonderful, fawning post about all the super people that I met that night all ready to go.

Then Blogger ate it.

So I'll just hit the high points:

I met the lovely couple of the Spitbull blog. I learned that Warrior Monk works for the same company as I do, and in the same building. Eloise rolled her eyes at me a lot.


I engaged in a long conversation about architecture with Atomizer of Fraters Libertas. Much of the discussion revolved around Atomizer's view that Ralph Rapson is a crappy architect. Just to reiterate, in case there are any famous architects out there who do vanity Googling:

Atomizer thinks Ralph Rapson is a crappy architect. Atomizer thinks Ralph Rapson is a crappy architect. Atomizer thinks Ralph Rapson is a crappy architect. Atomizer thinks Ralph Rapson is a crappy architect. Atomizer thinks Ralph Rapson is a crappy architect. Atomizer thinks Ralph Rapson is a crappy architect. Atomizer thinks Ralph Rapson is a crappy architect. Atomizer thinks Ralph Rapson is a crappy architect.


Ralph Rapson
Ralph Rapson
Ralph Rapson

crappy architect
crappy architect
crappy architect


I had the opportunity to meet James Lileks. Unfortunately, I thought he was actor Bob Balaban, which led to the following embarrassing (and only partially made up) exchange:
LearnedFoot: Wow! It's great to meet you. I loved you in 2010: The Year We Make Contact!
Lileks: ...
LearnedFoot: Uh. Hey, why are you drinking your whiskey through that little bar straw?
Lileks: Because if you don't, you'll poke yourself in the eye with it (mimes poking self in eye with straw). Now please go away.

Now before you say that my mistake was beyond the pale, compare a picture of Bob Balaban with the likeness of James Lileks.
Fishsticks gave me a preview of a column he is working on: a way to attack the Constitutional validity of restaurant smoking bans by using the reasoning from sodomy cases. I'm looking forward to reading it. The article, like sodomy, should make for a wild ride.
I was fortunate to meet Saint Paul's lovely and fetching sister and her extremely tall husband. During the course of our conversation, they tried to bait me, telling me they were bed-wetting liberals. This caused me to lecture them on market economics and Constitutional interpretation. In the tradition of my Sicilian grandmother, I gesticulated wildly. Unfortunately, I was so animated that I dropped my beer. They then went on to tell me that they were just yanking my chain.
And now let's observe a moment of silence for that beer.
Thank you.
Finally, my new bestest buddy, Nihilist in Golf Pants had joined Atomizer and I for the second hour of our discussion about Ralph Rapson's suckiness. All of a sudden, there on the scene entering the bar, was Mr. Gravitas himself: Scott "Big Trunk" Johnson. Nihilist was so excited he nearly wet his golf pants. "Now's your chance to end the feud; lay to rest this distructive conflict," he said. I thought about it for a moment as St. Paul guided Big Trunk through a receiving line-like gauntlet of lesser bloggers, shaking each one's hand. Perhaps I should bury the hatchet. After all, we're all on the same side, gravitas or not. We should rejoin forces to battle the inanities of the left, socialist welfare programs and Nick Coleman. Oh, this could truly be the finest hour for the blogosphere: putting aside our petty squables and united once again against the forces of evil in our country.
I think Nihilist had a different scenario in mind: out of nowhere he had produced a spit bucket and he started massaging my shoulders like a boxer's saying: "Remember: Jab and duck. Bob and weave. Keep your feet moving!"
I would have none of it. I clasped my hands together in front of my chest and cherished the thought of a new dawn. A new start: gravitas and petulance working hand in hand toward a common, noble goal. A tear formed in the corner of my eye as Big Trunk approached. I opened my arms wide so I would be prepared to plant a large bear-hug on the diminuative man. All is forgiven!
Big Trunk, guided by Saint Paul was close enough to touch. I stepped forward to greet him graciously and humbly.
Now I've got to get me a new hatchet.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

My Two Cents

Just want to reiterate what everyone who attended the MOB event last night are saying in their respective blog forums: What a great evening! I regret that I had to leave the festivities early to attend a birthday party, because I was just starting to warm up to the group and there were so many others that I wanted to meet and talk to. Oh well, next time. Special thanks to those that I did talk to like Paul (NGP) and Jim (Sisyphus) from Nihlist in Golf Pants, Craig Westover, Cathy from Cathy in the Wright, Elder and JB from Fraters Libertas, Mitch from Shot in the Dark and a couple more I'm sure I have left out. It was very cool to talk to all of you and get to know some of the people that I tend to think of as sort of celebrities. I hear you on the radio, or I read your blogs and marvel at the breadth of knowledge you all exhibit on politics, culture and current events. I was very flattered that some of you folks have read or do read KAR on a regular basis. Most of all I was struck by what a nice group of people the MOB is. It's great to be affiliated with all of you. I'm already looking forward to the next one.

Piecing It Together

I'm fairly sure I had a great time at the MOBsters Ball last night. I will need to reconstruct my memory before I write any more about this. I do have a few questions though:

1) Who was that midget I found sleeping in my living room this morning?

2) Why did he have a goat?

3) Where are my pants?

Friday, January 21, 2005

Party Time

See you tomorrow at the MOBash. If you wish to meet us, I will be the goomba wearing a Packers sweatshirt. Bill will be the guy pinning my arms behind my back to restrain me from punching a moonbat. The first person to identify us will win a copy (when available) of our forthcoming book: The Very Best of the Kool Aid Report: 6 Pages of the Most Mildly Amusing Stuff on the Net.

Hope to see ya' there!

Closed Circuit to Fishsticks: If you want to take down the Fraters boys at trivia (if that will be engaged in tomorrow) I know someone that can help you accomplish that.

A Ray of Hope Emerges From the Moron Mail Morass

It was a banner day for inanity in the letters section of the Strib, beginning with this putridity:

On our National Day of Embarrassment, each of the president's three constituencies celebrated in its own way.

The Rich were much in evidence. Though they had to pay to party, they could be sure of a good return on the investment.

The Ideologues (apart from the vice president) stayed behind the scenes. With wars to plan and peoples to free, the whole globe is their inaugural ball.

The Gullible, whom the Rich and the Ideologues manipulated yet again, watched the festivities on TV -- admiring the rhetoric, coveting the gorgeous gowns and praying to God their children will not be sent to Iraq.

F.T. Kettering, Northfield, Minn.

Of course this is in contradistinction to the Democrat's core constituencies: the lazy, the apathetic, the stupid and the wild-eyed Communists.

Gee, could you talk down to me more, Mr. Kettering? Could you talk down to 52% OF THE FRICKING POPULATION just a little bit more? You asshole.

But just when you've waded through a bunch of letters like that one that make your eyes bleed, a refreshing voice of reason emerges. A voice obviously informed by this very blog:

Beyond Boxer and WMD
I was embarrassed to watch Sen. Barbara Boxer in the hearings for Condoleezza Rice. Not only did she appear as a petulant, bloviating, spiteful partisan, but her command of the facts was extremely lacking. This was evident when she stated that the congressional vote for war was based solely on evidence of WMD.

She did this in order to portray Rice as a liar. Either Boxer doesn't understand exactly what she voted on or she is, in fact, the liar. The resolution actually cited at least seven reasons, separate and distinct from weapons of mass destruction:

• Iraq's harboring of Al-Qaida terrorists.

• Iraq's support for international terrorism.

• Iraq's "brutal repression" of its citizens.

• Iraq's failure to repatriate or give information on non-Iraqi citizens detained and captured during Gulf War I, including an American serviceman.

• Failing to properly return property wrongfully seized during the Kuwait invasion.

• The attempted assassination of former President Bush in 1993.

• America's national security interests in restoring peace and stability to the Persian Gulf.

James M. Pitzner, Maple Grove.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Oh wait: I did.

Now, if you'll excuse me, this ideologue has a war to plan.

Iron Maiden Can Teach Us a Lot About Life

Questions are a burden, And answers are a prison for oneself. -Iron Maiden

That's a rather simple, yet powerful metaphor. Questions are a burden because: 1) they require some work to answer and 2) you may not like the answer. Answers are a prison because a correct answer is Truth. Once Truth is discerned, you can't escape it. It is what it is: the truth.

Which brings me to an e-mail from alert reader Denbo (who also happens to be my dad), that linked me to the first news report about Francisco Serrano, the homeless man who hid out in Apple Valley High School for a couple of weeks. Denbo commented in his folksy cornpone way: "something here doesn't pass the smell test."

I thought nothing of it at the time, figuring that this was no more than a life-imitating-a-mildly amusing-old-Jon-Cryer-movie moment. Never mind it was going on in my back yard, among a large majority of this town's youth.

Questions are a burden.

Of course I was being apathetic. Others in the community started throwing money at this guy. Some offered him a job. "Oh, aren't you just the cutest little homeless guy." It never occurred to anyone in this post-9/11 world that Serrano's behavior was just a little bit odd, given that at one time he was a "19 year-old sophomore(!)...and was a very good student" who moved to Connecticut and then ran away, making his way all the way back to Minnesota. Even if this story is what it appears to be - a mediocre Jon Cryer movie - doncha think you might want to confirm that that's the case before you create a charity dirt devil?

Well, today we learn this: Serrano may be here on an expired Visa. Apparently questions are a burden, even to AP writers since the original story from the AP never even mentioned that Serrano might be a foreign national.

Answers are a prison...

That roar you hear is the sound of personal checks being torn up around the Twin Cities area. Too late. By jumping to the PC conclusion, you all have already claimed your title as "sucker".

So, not to return to burdensome questions, but:

Was Serrano really just fleeing his father, or did some other pressures cause him to "run to the hills"?

Was Serrano up to something more nefarious or was he just pining for the old days, "wasting time searching for those wasted years"?

OK. I'm sorry. I'll stop.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Hindrocket Feeling the Heat

In fact, he's feeling so much preasure from my relentless assult on his gravitas, he's fleeing the state. A conference on "blogging, journalism and credibility"? C'mon Rocketman. Is that the best you can come up with?

Please take the poll located above the sidebar. One vote allowed per day. Help us destroy the Powerline Citidel of Gravitas.

Yours Truly,
Napolean Dynamite

Moron Mail

One of the hallmarks of the Kool Aid Report is the regular trashing of troglodytes who write in to the opinion page of the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Today's feature letter is written by one Steve Aldrich of St. Louis Park, MN., and is indicative of the idiocy which pervades the left in this state and the nation. My comments will be in [brackets]:

A little defensive

"If not for Roger Moe and Tim Penny splitting the votes of real Minnesotans, [STOP RIGHT THERE, STEVIE! I recall that Moe and Curly, er Penny TOGETHER garnered about 52% of the
vote total, with Pawlenty taking close to 47%. So are you saying that nearly half of us in the voting public in this state are not 'real' Minnesotans? Of course that's what you're saying. How about if I come over there and flick your ear you little brat?!] Tim Pawlenty might be making coffee and answering phones at the Taxpayers League of Minnesota. [They're doing good work at the Taxpayers League. A guy could do worse than making coffee and answering phones, or do you disparage decent, honest work too Stevie?]
If 'no new taxes' is a core value and part of 'mainstream' Minnesota, why does the governor sound so defensive about it every time he mentions it in public?" [Maybe it's because every time he does, the usual cast of misfits like YOU, moonbat, jumps all over him for neglecting the forgotten people, like career criminals, drug addicts, and welfare lifers!]

Steve Aldrich, St. Lois Park, MN.

Thanks Steve for being a part of KAR Moron Mail. For your appearance here today, you will receive an autographed picture of Learned Foot, and a lifetime supply of Karkov vodka. Just stay drunk the rest of your life Steve. Let the critical thinkers worry about state governance and all of the other big issues.

Its Moonbat Cheeseburger Day! I've Found a Moonbat, If You're Still Looking for One

Be sure to spend a little extra today, and feed those moonbats.

If you still haven't found a moonbat, Susan Lenfestey would be a good candidate. She writes in today's Strib (random excerpts):

As the 9/11 widow tucks her children into bed, wondering why the recommendations made in "The 9/11 Commission Report" weren't implemented, Tom Ridge tightens his cummerbund.

As prisoners charged with no crimes, and given no recourse, languish in the hellhole of Guantanamo Bay, torture apologist Alberto Gonzales clicks his cufflinks into place.

As Dan Rather retires in disgrace over forged documents, former CIA Director George Tenet, proponent of forged documents about Iraq's nonexistent nuclear program, adjusts the Medal of Freedom around his neck...

As Osama bin Laden chuckles in his cave to see America's fortunes sink in the morass of Iraq and as fresh recruits to his cause multiply like flies, Dick Cheney pops the cork on a bottle of Dom Perignon.

As America's trade gap surges and the red ink in the national debt bleeds to a record level, Treasury Secretary Paul Snow finishes shaving and dabs at a spot of blood on his chin.

As the Republican Congress gets ready to underfund everything from Head Start to veterans' benefits, Speaker Dennis Hastert checks his profile in the mirror.

As Pfc. Francis Obaji, oldest son of an immigrant Nigerian family, is zipped into a body bag for the sad journey home, Laura Bush zips up her Oscar de la Renta gown.

And as his corporate pals slide their millions across the table to dance at his ball, forgetting for a moment the bottom line that forces them to ship jobs overseas, George W. Bush pulls on his snakeskin boots.

And as yet another venom spewing moonbat writer offers yet more baseless criticisms so divorced from reality that a blogger needn't spend any effort parodying it, well adjusted folks across the country applaud the commencement of W's second term.

Some Things Require No Further Comment

Like this:

[Jerry] Springer, who will continue to host his more raucous TV show, called the war in Iraq immoral...

Jerry Springer...called the war in Iraq immoral.

Jerry. Springer. Called. The. War. In. Iraq. Immoral.




the war...

in Iraq...




The Final Word on Ivins' Credibility

Molly Ivins is done. Or rather, she should be done.

Yes we're back to Molly Ivins' vacillating take on Social Security. Steve Gigl tracks a decade of Ivins' columns about Social Security and finds (gasp!) that her view of its stability changes with the political expediency of her Democrat masters. Steve's findings:
  • Social Security was just fine until 1999.
  • Starting in 1999, some "shoring up" and/or "changes" were required (but certainly not privatization).
  • By 2001 and through 2003, however, the problem had become "major."
  • But now suddenly she agrees with herself back in 1995.

Read the whole thing. It's beautiful.

And it's better than anything Power Line has done on the subject (and no, I will not link to them until they apologize).

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Some Administrative Matters

  • Don't forget to take the poll regarding the ongoing (and one-sided - Power Line is afraid to counterpunch) feud between Power Line and Your Humble Vituperater. I even included an answer choice for V-Toed-Wife, so nobody has an excuse for not participating. One vote per day is allowed. Make sure you vote early and often as Power Line is sure to send forth its ballot-box-stuffing minions just as it did in the Wizbang Best Blog contest. Early results show that Power Line is getting its ass handed to it (8 to 0. Woo hoo!)
  • Some may be wondering how to recognize us at the upcoming MOB gala. Many readers complained that my description here was not specific enough. While there are no images of me on the internet, I was able to find one of Bill (link removed due to a scary number of central Europeans coming to this site via Google image searches for Fabio). Hope it helps.

It Was WMD Period - Not Quite Comma You Moonbat Exclamation Point

As a blogger, I find the greatest satisfaction when the job is the easiest. That is, on the one hand you have a disingenuous assertion by some moonbat, and on the other you have actual, verifiable facts that, when juxtaposed with the assertion results in a rhetorical bitch-slap across the moonbat's face. That and it requires more cutting and pasting than typing.

The Gentlemoonbat from California has the floor.

The following is an excerpt from the exchange between Secretary of State nominee Condoleezza Rice and the Senior Moonbat from California, Barbara Boxer during the confirmation hearings yesterday (emphasis is mine):

MS. RICE: ...And so we knew what his intentions were in the region; where he had attacked his neighbors before and, in fact, tried to annex Kuwait; where we had gone to war against him twice in the past. It was the total picture, Senator, not just weapons of mass destruction, that caused us to decide that, post-September 11th, it was finally time to deal with Saddam Hussein.

SEN. BOXER: Well, you should read what we voted on when we voted to support the war, which I did not (read it or vote for it? I suspect both... -Ed.), but most of my colleagues did. It was WMD, period. That was the reason and the causation for that, you know, particular vote.

It was 'WMD, period,' huh? There were no other reasons cited by congress for passing that resolution?

Well, let's just read it and find out...

When Congress passes a joint resolution, it typically, if not always, begins with a preamble. The preamble is a bunch of clauses that all start with the word "whereas" that declare the legislature's findings of fact and its intent. The Iraq "use of force" resolution (citation is: PL 107-243, 2002 HJRes 114 for all you lawyer types) features a preamble of 23 clauses. To be fair, many of them deal with WMD. To be more truthful than Boxer, many of them do not:

Clause 4 states:

Whereas Iraq, in direct and flagrant violation of the cease-fire, attempted to thwart the efforts of weapons inspectors to identify and destroy Iraq's weapons of mass destruction stockpiles and development capabilities, which finally resulted in the withdrawal of inspectors from Iraq on October 31, 1998

Clause 7:

Whereas Iraq persists in violating resolution of the United Nations Security Council by continuing to engage in brutal repression of its civilian population thereby threatening international peace and security in the region, by refusing to release, repatriate, or account for non-Iraqi citizens wrongfully detained by Iraq, including an American serviceman, and by failing to return property wrongfully seized by Iraq from Kuwait

Clause 9:

Whereas the current Iraqi regime has demonstrated its continuing hostility toward, and willingness to attack, the United States, including by attempting in 1993 to assassinate former President Bush and by firing on many thousands of occasions on United States and Coalition Armed Forces engaged in enforcing the resolutions of the United Nations Security Council

Clauses 10 and 11:

Whereas members of al Qaida, an organization bearing responsibility for attacks on the United States, its citizens, and interests, including the attacks that occurred on September 11, 2001, are known to be in Iraq;

Whereas Iraq continues to aid and harbor other international terrorist organizations, including organizations that threaten the lives and safety of United States citizens

And moonbats, please don't insult my intelligence by hiding the ball with that overused "even the president acknowleged that Iraq hasd nothing to do with 9/11" B.S. Reread those last 2 clauses again. The name "Abu Musab al-Zarqawi" ring a bell?

Onward. Clauses 14 and 15, too boring to reproduce here, list a litany of U.N. resolutions that Sadaam had violated, along with resolutions that provided for remedies of those breaches.

Clauses 16 and 17:

Whereas in December 1991, Congress expressed its sense that it `supports the use of all necessary means to achieve the goals of United Nations Security Council Resolution 687 as being consistent with the Authorization of Use of Military Force Against Iraq Resolution (Public Law 102-1),' that Iraq's repression of its civilian population violates United Nations Security Council Resolution 688 and `constitutes a continuing threat to the peace, security, and stability of the Persian Gulf region,' and that Congress, `supports the use of all necessary means to achieve the goals of United Nations Security Council Resolution 688';

Whereas the Iraq Liberation Act of 1998 (Public Law 105-338) expressed the sense of Congress that it should be the policy of the United States to support efforts to remove from power the current Iraqi regime and promote the emergence of a democratic government to replace that regime

Clause 18:

Whereas on September 12, 2002, President Bush committed the United States to `work with the United Nations Security Council to meet our common challenge' posed by Iraq and to `work for the necessary resolutions,' while also making clear that `the Security Council resolutions will be enforced, and the just demands of peace and security will be met, or action will be unavoidable'

And the final two clauses of the preamble (emphasis mine):

Whereas the President has authority under the Constitution to take action in order to deter and prevent acts of international terrorism against the United States, as Congress recognized in the joint resolution on Authorization for Use of Military Force (Public Law 107-40); and

Whereas it is in the national security interests of the United States to restore international peace and security to the Persian Gulf region...

Congratulations to you, dear reader, if you made it through all that.

Will the Gentlemoonbat from California please return to Castro Street? And never come back.

The KAR is in recess. (Gavel)

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Once Again From the Top...


In September of 2003, Molly Ivins wrote this (emphasis mine):

As we march bravely toward oceans of red ink (leaving behind no problem for future presidents or future generations), we also face a looming crisis in Social Security.

Not to pile on, but to prevent another imputed act of plagerism from Power Line, I offer this quote from a column Ivins wrote in JUNE of 2003 (emphasis mine):

We can do away with unemployment, the uninsured, heart disease, obesity, and the coming Social Security crunch.

And now today, January 18, 2005, showing that she has no regard for her own credibility as long as there are mindless left-wing editorial boards at major newspapers across the country who will unquestioningly purvey her crap, Ivins again shows that her world view of Social Security's state changed on November 3, 2004:

Let's try this again, slowly, for those who, like the president, seem to be having difficulty with reality. Social Security will not be bankrupt, will not be flat bust in 2042 or 2052 or even, as the president has also claimed, by 2018...

I am sorry to disillusion any young people, who according to polls do not think Social Security will be there for them, but for once the pessimists are wrong: It will be.

Difficulty with reality, Molly? Seems to me your reality is defined by who is in the White House.

Reminder: Moonbat Cheeseburger Day

There are only two days until Buy a Moonbat a Damn Cheeseburger Day. By now you should have selected your moonbat and made arrangements as to the method by which you will deliver the cheeseburger.

Here are some helpful tips to make your BAMADCD go smoothly:

1.) If possible, drive your moonbat to the McDonald's in an SUV or Hummer. On the way, stop at least twice to put gas in it (the vehicle, not the moonbat). Each time say, "Geez this thing sucks down the gas!"

2.) Alert readers at Army of Mom Blog suggest that you buy the cheeseburger at a McDonald's located inside a Wal Mart. This is an excellent idea if such a place exists. While you are there, you could also buy your moonbat some cheap (non-union-made) miscellaneous crap. More money into the economy!

3.) Get to know your moonbat. Some questions you could ask to break the ice:

  • "Does it hurt to get your forehead pierced like that?"
  • "What, you can't afford real jewelry?"
  • "So you think us Bush people are stupid, do ya'?" It helps if you look menacingly at the moonbat while saying this. Reach into your jacket as if you were about to pull out a gun.
  • "Are there a lot of job opportunities for a person with a Masters in Women's Studies?"
  • "Can you smoke those hemp pants when you're done wearing them?"
  • "So Ms. Ivins, what is the weather like on Planet Garndor?"
  • "Do you honestly believe that not shaving your legs actually makes you more attractive to other women?"
  • "You pay $750 for a 500 square-foot walkup in Uptown? And you think I'm a moron?"

4.) If your moonbat calls in sick to work, and you are the boss, fire the moonbat (again, hat tip to Army of Mom).

Be sure to have a happy and safe Moonbat Cheeseburger Day!

Monday, January 17, 2005

We shall overcome. Overcome what?

Watching and listening to the news today I was presented with snippets of parades, marches and demonstrations in association with the Martin Luther King holiday. On at least two Minneapolis/St. Paul local news stations, I saw marchers trudging up prominent Twin Cities' avenues singing the old standard "We shall overcome" while walking resloutely, arms interlinked. Tradition since the holiday came into being, the obligatory anthem evokes images of past struggles in the civil rights movement. It reminds us of a time when "overcoming" all the obstacles to full citizenship and participation in this country's process was not a foregone conclusion. But I am just cynical enough to think that its singing today is not for nostalgia, but rather as an admonishment that we still have not paid for the past sins of slavery and the subjugation of blacks in this country. This could be a very long post if I were to offer even a few of the observations I have about the state of black-white relations, the quality of leadership in the black community and their continiuing implication of an institutionalized racism in this country, or the wack job white supremacist organizations that continue to cling to their own sick vision. No, I am not going to write that post today. What I do want to do is ask all of those marching and singing; what is it that you are trying to overcome? Is it the problem that Bill Cosby tries to shed light on when he talks about young black men who think it's cool to drop out of school at 14, dress like thugs, speak a language that only compatriots can understand, then wonder why they can't even get a job at Burger King? Is it the problem of 15 year old black girls having babies and then wondering at age 20 why they can't reach the American dream? Is that the obstacle that needs to be overcome? Or is it the racism of white America?

Robert Scheer Has Left the Planet

Robert Scheer dons his tinfoil hat and writes a column so absurd that it defies comment. Readers are invited to post their best LearnedFoot-in-ridicule-mode impersonation to the comments section.

I just don't have the hours it would take to fisk the crap out of this jerk.

INTERESTING NOTE: I just spell-checked this post. The spell-checker didn't recognize "Scheer". Its suggested spelling: "screwy".

No kidding.

Very nice.

A Call to Arms: Speaking Truth to Powerline

When I first aired my beef with Powerline, I thought I was the only soul aggrieved in such a manner among the burgeoning Minnesota blogosphere. As it turns out there are others.

In his post yesterday, Sisyphus at the Nihilist in Golf Pants Blog displayed a bitterness toward Powerline that could only have come from experiencing a similar slight. (Closed circuit to Sisyphus: cheers for the kind words; jeers for referring the worst readers in the blogosphere to our site.) My experience with Powerline is not an isolated incident. And indeed the malfeasance of Hindrocket et al. may run deeper than we thought.

As Sisyphus points out, the Mainstream Blogosphere (MSB) needs a watchdog every bit as much as the MSM does.

The Powerline bloggers are snubbing their hometown boys. And Deacon continues to write about English soccer with impunity. Their power must be reined in!

Join with the Kool Aid Report and Nihilist in Golf Pants to take back the blogosphere and fight the power(line). If you have any dirt on Powerline, please contact us here at the KAR or at NIGP. (I just realized why the Nihilist doesn't call himself "Nihilist In Golf Attire"). Together we can make a difference.

Powerline: we are at the castle gate! Your citidel of gravitas cannot protect you indefinitely!

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Purple Poop

Vikings fans were quite proud of their cute little franchise when they beat the Packers in the Wild Card Game. Alas, the laws of physics dictate that when something reaches stratospheric heights, the resulting plunge to earth can produce a giant crater.

Viewed from the air, Lincoln Financial Field looks like a giant crater.

Instead of having a high draft pick normally due to an 8 and 8 team, the Vikings will get an 11 and 5 draft pick.

You guys can't even screw up a season right.

But hey, look at the bright side: at least the Vikings beat the Packers one out of three games this year.

All I Want...Is a Hood-Mounted Death Ray: PART 2

This was an infuriating week.

First, there was the Packers' pathetic attempt at "football". And Bob Slowik still has not been fired.

Then there was the brazen Powerline snub.

Then there was Jim Boyd's editorial in this morning's Strib - using convenient statistics based on cherry-picked facts - advancing the left-wing's latest Kool Aid that Americans are selfish when it comes to foreign aid.

Then, in the same Strib issue, there was the deification of ultra left-wing mouth-breathing douchebag cartoonist Ward Sutton.

But what I experienced yesterday sucked me into a new dimension of rage.

It happened in the parking lot of my local Cub Foods (motto: Brain Death Capitol of the World). I turned into an aisle in the parking lot that appeared to have several good parking spaces. The first space in the aisle was occupied by the "shopping cart corral". An SUV was parked in the second space. In the third space, some fat-assed trailer-trash yutz (F.A.T.T.Y.) was transferring her groceries from her car to the trunk of her Ford Focus.

Just as I was about to turn into the parking spot next to FATTY's, she finished loading her car. She then proceeded to park her shopping cart right IN THE SPACE IN WHICH I WAS ABOUT TO PARK.


Pant, pant.


The cart corral was less than 10 FEET AWAY.


The anger I felt can only be conveyed by a verbatim transcript of my comments during the incident:

LearnedFoot: Uh, what are you doing? WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING??!!! Oh, you are NOT just going to park that cart in an empty space!!! YOU F***ING B***H!!! YOU RUDE, FAT F***ING B***H!!! I want you to die! I WANT YOU TO F***ING DIE!!!!! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE YOU FAT F***ING F**K!!!!!!!!!!! F***ING DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


Such self-absorption is rarely seen outside a Tina Brown dinner party. Or Garrison Keillor's mirror.

I'm not wound too tight, am I?

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Moron Mail 1/15/05

Duct tape your head before you read this letter to the Strib:

Rate of return
Five years ago today the Dow Jones Average was 11,755. At the end of business on Thursday, it was 10,505.

So much for spectacular returns if we put Social Security into the stock market.
C.A. Emdy, Bloomington

#1: If you started saving for retirement 5 years prior to retirement age, and put all of your money in the stock market, you are a moron;
#2: If you started saving twenty years ago, and you did put all your money into the stock market, and the growth of your investment tracked the DJIA, you quintupled your investment. Of course, knowing that would involve some historical perspective beyond five years. Morons typically do not;
#3: Stocks are not the only vehicle for investment. Every moron knows that;
#4: Only a moron would get a lower rate of return investing his money himself than would the current Social Security system.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Live Blogging of Mike Sherman Presser Aborted


1.) The Mike Sherman news conference has been moved to Monday ([shaking fist] You can't hide forever Sherman!!!)

2.) Instead, Packer Prez. Bob Harlin is giving a press conference right now. (way to be on top of that one, WISN) I could blog that but...

3.) I can't get the webstream, and...

4.) I don't feel like it.

Powerline Ignores KAR in Favor of Some Other Guy

Yesterday, Hindrocket took a nightstick to Molly Ivins' head for her latest outrage masquerading as "journalism" regarding Social Security. I had already addressed Molly Ivins' disingenuousness last week, so I dropped the Rocketman a line -WITHIN TEN MINUTES OF HIS POST - indicating that there was more to the story than just Ivins' typical liberal inability to comprehend numbers. Thought I'd be nice and help out the guys who brought down Dan Rather.
Instead, The Rocket man gives a hat tip for the same information to some guy who probably got it from my post (given my methodology for finding Ivins' September 2003 article, this is not merely paranoia).

Perhaps Rocketman feared that linking to (or even acknowledging) a blog as, uh, edgy as the KAR would be a blow to Powerline's gravitas. Was it the use of the word 'blogasm'? That I called Ivins' a 'Texas Steer'?

Only Hindrocket and some suspected KAR reader named Rich Waldis know for sure.

Credit where it's due, Rich...

Did I mention that my post on this very subject was LAST FRIDAY?

I did? Good.

Programming Note

Because I got to work extra early this morning, I may have an opportunity to blog Mike Sherman's year-end news conference. This should be of interest to 3 of our readers (two of whom live in Menomonee Falls, WI) and at least one other Minnesota blogger.

Some questions that I hope are asked:

Did you fire Bob Slowik?

Are you going to fire Bob Slowik?

When are you going to fire Bob Slowik?

Could you pleeeeeeeeease fire Bob Slowik?

What the hell were you thinking when you hired Bob Slowik?

Why are you not firing Bob Slowik?

If you are going to fire Bob Slowik, could you try to get him a job with the Vikings?

Are you aware that you look like a pear?

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Moonbats will be thick on inauguration day

Flipping around the dial last night, I came across CSPAN and a press conference about all of the events that are being planned to protest the inauguration of President Bush for his second term. One 'organizer' of this event - Nancy Shia of the group Critical Mass - really had to be seen to be believed. What caused me to cease my futile search for quality programming in the cable desert was the image of this Shia person, standing at a podium wearing a beret with a red star on the front. Now this is a free country, and I am not about to suggest that someone can't go around dressing like one of the party loyalists from the Peoples Republic of China. Here's the only thing I want to understand: Why is it that all of these Critical Mass and New Dawn types try so hard to cultivate a look reminiscent of the denizens of Communist dictatorships? Isn't it contrary to everything they claim to stand for, like "Power to the People" and all that stuff, to nurse an affectation for subjugation? I really do wish I could provide a picture, but my google search was also futile. Anyway, here's what's in store for inauguration day. Check out all the groups that will be represented. That's another thing: Why do all these 'counter-culture' groups take names that imply huge constituencies of the discontented and disenfranchised? Critical Mass, NOW, Dawn, Turn Your Back On Bush, etc. My favorite is Pagan Cluster. What the Hell is that?! Are they going to see if they can call upon the gods of winter to bring darkness and cold upon the land as punishment for our unwise choice last November? Weirdos.


Time to check the ol' e-mailbag once again:

I heard that V-Toed-Bill never made it to Las Vegas. What Happened? -M. Green, Las Vegas

When officials in Vegas learned that Bill was unlikely to spend any money there (they probably got that impression here) they refused to allow the plane to land.

I would like to meet you guys at the MOB party on the 22nd. How can I recognize you in the crowd? -A. Stawker, Farmington

Bill will will be the boyishly handsome man, I will be the ruggedly handsome one.

Isn't that description a little vague?

No, not really.

Don't you think that John Hawkins guy at Right Wing News is a little into himself? -D. Trump, New York

Oh you mean that guy who, every Friday, asks his readers to send him questions about what his opinions are on certain topics? Yes. I believe he won a recent blog award for "Most Self-Reverential Blog Post", which could apply to any of his posts, really. In any event, nobody with musical taste as bad as his has any business offering ANY opinions. Period.

His #1 greatest song of all time is "My Sacrifice" by Creed?!!!!!!!!!!!!! -S. Weiland, Rehab

Yes. When perusing his list, you notice that he has never heard of the Beatles or Led Zeppelin either.

How can I participate in Buy a Moonbat a Damn Cheeseburger Day, if I don't know any moonbats? -CT Elder, Minneapolis

You can arrange to have 40 pizzas delivered to the Nick Coleman/Laura Billings Household. Hopefully they will open the gate to their estate and not sic the dogs on the delivery man.

Another highly respected blogger wrote a post about Moonbat-Cheeseburger Day yesterday. In that post he characterized the effort as charitable. Is it? -K. Annan, New York

No. Charity requires a pure heart and intentions of goodwill. When you present the cheeseburger to your moonbat, it is best if your heart were filled with nothing but spite. Polite society forbids the truly best method for delivering the burger to your moonbat.

I have a science question: can animals of different species procreate? -Dr. Morreau, Rochester

It's a little-known fact that they can. For example, when you cross-breed a pig and a sheep, you get this:

Here's what happened when a bald eagle mated with disgraced New Republic reporter Stephen Glass:

Why don't you bloggers stop advancing your extreme right-wing propaganda and do something useful: start sticking up for the downtrodden and minorities? -N. Coleman, PlanetNick

Ahem. I am an Irish-Italian conservative Packer fan in Minnesota: I AM A MINORITY.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Moron Mail 1/12/05

This letter appears in today's Strib:

Doesn't change the facts

They can fire the whole CBS staff and the facts remain the same: George W. Bush received preferential treatment allowing him to join the Texas Air National Guard to evade the draft. George W. Bush did not perform the duties expected of him while in the National Guard. George W. Bush cut and ran instead of finishing his duty.

Joe Zweber, Northfield, Minn.

Uh, Dumbass? Given that Mary Mapes was manufacturing this story over five years, and the best evidence she could adduce came from documents that were forged, what exactly is the evidence to support your absurd assertion?

You can call and ask Joe yourself: 507-645-2399.

ACTION ALERT: Moonbat Cheeseburger Day

There was a guest last night on Hannity and Colmes promoting the latest left-wing Empty Symbolism Activism. This guy, an effete self-fancied "intellectual" who talks like the HAL9000, was promoting "Not a Damn Dime Day". His plan (hardly original by the way, see here) is for all Moonbats unite in protest by not engaging in economic activity on inauguration day, January 20th. According to HAL9000 and his website, participants are encouraged to: call in sick to work (heh heh), don't spend any money, and, of course, write a letter to the editor (oh goody! more material!).

May I suggest a counter-protest. I call it "Buy a Moonbat a Damn Cheeseburger Day". All 20 readers of the KAR should do the following:

1. Identify a moonbat participating in this gimmick.
2. Go to your local McDonald's and buy them a cheeseburger. While purchasing the burger, loudly proclaim "I am buying this cheeseburger for [name of moonbat]";
3. Give the cheeseburger to your moonbat and tell the moonbat why you bought it for him/her/it.
4. Write a letter to the editor (or blog about it). Bonus points if you post something to the Democrat Underground Homepage (DUH).

I feel that this is an effective response to these insane people:
  • It will offset the economic impact of their boycott by injecting into the economy the equivalent amount of money that they are withholding (a total 10 to 15 cheeseburgers ought to do it);
  • It will enrage vegans, a large segment of the moonbat population;
  • It will enrage the antiglobalization-types as you are giving money to McDonald's;
  • It will enrage environmentalist whackos because McDonald's clearcuts Amazon rainforests, or something;
  • The cholesterol will help kill them.

I hope you will all join me in this act of solidarity to send a message to moonbats everywhere.

That message would be: "Why haven't you moved to Canada yet?"

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Minions with Opinions

Another day, another opportunity to excoriate another miserable conSTRIButor (Star Tribune opinion contributor.) Here's a target-rich letter (as with all KAR commentary, brackets are mine):

No thanks to them

A Jan. 8 letter writer states that "the dillegence of men like Gonzales and outgoing Attorney eneral John Ashcroft has prevented the nightmare of 9/11 from recurring," an assertion that relies on specious and disingenuous reasoning. [TRANSLATION - I hate Gonzales and Ashcroft because they are part of the Bush Machine, so this line of reasoning must be specious and disingenuous.]

In the 225 years of U.S. history before Sept. 11, 2001, there were no comparable terrorist attacks on our soil either. [1993 World Trade Center bombing, Murrah Federal Building, Oklahoma City, U.S. Embassy bombings in ...] And the absence of such attacks in the three years since does not in any way demonstrate that one is not being planned against us now. [Take the foot, get it into position...]
In fact, our ill-conceived war in Iraq and our torture [?] of Iraqi prisoners have served only to infalme terrorist sentiment against us. [PUT FOOT IN MOUTH! Wouldn't it be reasonable to assume then that they have tried to attack us, but may have in fact been thwarted?]
I would remind the letter writer that 9/11 occurred on Ashcroft's watch [EIGHT MONTHS INTO HIS TERM!!!] and that he had repeated warnings of possible terrorist attacks on U.S. soil, threats which he and President Bush refused to take seriously.

Joyce Denn, Woodbury, MN.

Talk about specious and disingenuous reasoning!

More Fuzzy Facts From Our Favorite Columnist

I gave Nick a good beating last week over an "article" he wrote lambasting one State Rep. Brad Finstad for having the audacity to suggest that immigrants should learn how to speak English. In a letter to the editor in today's Strib, Finstad fired back at Coleman:

Just as Nick Coleman states in a recent column that he hates to pick on young lawmakers, I hate to pick on veteran columnists who haven't completely studied the details of proposed legislation before making criticism ("Stern reminder for all at Capitol," Jan. 5).

In this case, Coleman blasted legislation that I'm sponsoring regarding immigrants and took the criticism to the level of a personal attack.

Gee this sounds familiar. I wonder if Finstad has a blog...

Anyways, he continues (emphasis mine):

My bill would require immigrants to make an attempt at learning English after one year if they receive welfare benefits. To me, this is not an unreasonable request. In my opinion, if you are settling in Minnesota and utilizing government welfare assistance, attempting to learn the language could help you become an even more productive citizen.

Coleman was correct about one thing: Many German immigrants settled in southwestern Minnesota, and few of them spoke English. He fails to point out that these immigrants didn't receive welfare benefits to create New Ulm and the other towns in the area.

For comparison, here's how Nick, in his trademark snarkiness (I just LOVE that word: snarky snarky snarky snarky snarky snarky snarky snarky...Sorry about that) describes the bill in question (emphasis mine):

Young Bradley, a second-term Republican from New Ulm, wants to require new arrivals to learn English in a year or lose their state benefits. I'd like to see Bradley learn a new language in a year...

Yes, our fact challenged uber-shithead has done it again. Here's a synopsis of the same law in two different universes:

The real-world version of the law: requires immigrants to BEGIN learning English AFTER one year of residency.

The Planet Nick version of the law: new immigrants must LEARN English WITHIN one year or STARVE TO DEATH.

Mangia merda e morta, Nick.

NOTE: I was given the impression by Nick Coleman's column, and went with it in my previous post, that indeed the bill required the mastery of a new language within a year. I suggested three to five years would be reasonable. I could not find the bill on theMN Legislature's website so all I had to go on was Nick's reportage. I realize that this was a stupid mistake. To the extent that my Vafanculo, Nick post incorporated "facts" from Coleman's column, I hereby issue a full retraction.

Which is more than the Strib will do.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Where's Bill?

Frequent visitors may have noticed a dearth of posts by V-Toed-Bill lately. To preempt the flood of e-mails that is sure to come asking about his whereabouts, I will update you on Bill's situation.

Nothing is wrong with Bill. He is merely very busy at work. And, in the time he has to work on the blog, he is mainly doing behind-the-scenes stuff ("A better blog makes for more efficient fisking"). This week, Bill will be traveling on "business" to Las Vegas. Apparently there is a trade show there this week that has something to do with Bill's industry. As Bill is a major muckety-muck in his company's Sales and Marketing (S & M) department, he was one of the first to be assigned to the trade show.

Which is rather ironic because Bill is a very clean-living guy: he doesn't drink, smoke or gamble. Outside this blog and his family, S & M is his life. I'm sure Bill will have a fine time in Las Vegas, despite his forbearance of that city's principal vices, because he will have the opportunity to mingle with a large and diverse crowd of other S & M types. As far as Bill's industry is concerned, for the next three days, Vegas will be the S & M capitol of the world. Bill will be able to partake in S & M seminars, and he will have the opportunity to learn new, cutting-edge S & M techniques. Before he left, Bill mentioned to me that he was very excited to enhance his S & M experience. He acknowledged that S & M can be a "jealous mistress" that requires constant attention and learning. Sometimes the toll of being an S & M professional can leave you mentally exhausted and even a little sore.

Join me in wishing Bill godspeed on his trip. And in case you were wondering: Bill and I will be attending the Minnesota Organization of Bloggers on the 22nd. Bill will be available to autograph his latest book: Finding Personal Fulfillment and Gratification as an S & M Professional.

Zealous Pursuit of, Uh, What Exactly?

The CBS memogate report has been issued, and four have been fired. None of them were named "Dan Rather".


This from the report:

The combination of a new 60 Minutes Wednesday management team, great deference given to a highly respected producer and the network’s news anchor, competitive pressures, and a zealous belief in the truth of the segment seem to have led many to disregard some fundamental journalistic principles.

One question: What gave rise to this "zealous belief in the truth of the segment"? A valid question given the fact that all four experts enlisted by CBS would not vouch for the memos' authenticity (page 10 of the report). I believe this question is unanswered in the report (and I'd rateher have rabid monkeys eat my face off before I read all 230+ pages of it).

We don't really need the report to tell us, though, do we?

We already know the answer. So do Mary Mapes, Dan Rather, et alia.