Monday, January 31, 2005

Nihilist vs. Wetterling in '06

With the 2006 midterm election ready to heat up, it's time that we started putting the pieces in place for a successful election. With the 6th District's Representative, Mark Kennedy, the odds-on favorite to succeed Minnesota Statewide Embarrassment Mark Dayton in the Senate, a new candidate must be found to run against Patty Wetterling in the Sixth.

The answer is clear: the Nihilist in Golf Pants.

You tell me who has the winning campaign:

Wetterling: I want to go to Congress to help the children.

Nihilist: Screw the children! They can't vote. I want to represent the hairy-backed swamp developers and corporate shills, the faith-based economists, fundamentalist bullies with Bibles, Christians of convenience, the freelance racists and misanthropic frat boys, the shrieking midgets of AM radio, the tax cheats ... the brownshirts in pinstripes, the sweatshop tycoons, the hacks, the fakirs, the aggressive dorks, the Lamborghini libertarians, and the people who believe Neil Armstrong's moonwalk was filmed in Roswell, New Mexico. Those people can legally vote. And they have cash to fund my campaign. Children shmildren.

Now, I ask you: who has a better chance of winning? A candidate whose sole constituency can't even legally vote, or a guy whose very name carries the gravitas of a Garrison Keillor quote?

Send a Nihilist to Washington in '06!

Anything to get Sisyphus to stop writing about art.

P.S. Be sure to take the new poll!

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