Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Reminder: Moonbat Cheeseburger Day

There are only two days until Buy a Moonbat a Damn Cheeseburger Day. By now you should have selected your moonbat and made arrangements as to the method by which you will deliver the cheeseburger.

Here are some helpful tips to make your BAMADCD go smoothly:

1.) If possible, drive your moonbat to the McDonald's in an SUV or Hummer. On the way, stop at least twice to put gas in it (the vehicle, not the moonbat). Each time say, "Geez this thing sucks down the gas!"

2.) Alert readers at Army of Mom Blog suggest that you buy the cheeseburger at a McDonald's located inside a Wal Mart. This is an excellent idea if such a place exists. While you are there, you could also buy your moonbat some cheap (non-union-made) miscellaneous crap. More money into the economy!

3.) Get to know your moonbat. Some questions you could ask to break the ice:

  • "Does it hurt to get your forehead pierced like that?"
  • "What, you can't afford real jewelry?"
  • "So you think us Bush people are stupid, do ya'?" It helps if you look menacingly at the moonbat while saying this. Reach into your jacket as if you were about to pull out a gun.
  • "Are there a lot of job opportunities for a person with a Masters in Women's Studies?"
  • "Can you smoke those hemp pants when you're done wearing them?"
  • "So Ms. Ivins, what is the weather like on Planet Garndor?"
  • "Do you honestly believe that not shaving your legs actually makes you more attractive to other women?"
  • "You pay $750 for a 500 square-foot walkup in Uptown? And you think I'm a moron?"

4.) If your moonbat calls in sick to work, and you are the boss, fire the moonbat (again, hat tip to Army of Mom).

Be sure to have a happy and safe Moonbat Cheeseburger Day!

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