Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Vafanculo, Nick

Nick Coleman e' un cazzo.

Yes, Our Favorite Columnist has mounted his high horse yet again:

As documented in a recent study by the University of Minnesota's Humphrey Institute, the mood of many Minnesotans, especially in "exurbia," has turned increasingly hostile toward immigrants and refugees. Many people who have never met an immigrant other than at a convenience store service counter want them to stop with all the foreign gibberish and learn to talk the local lingo. Pronto. ("Pronto" is Italian, but let's skip over that).

Which brings me to a Know-Nothing proposal from a 28-year-old state representative named Brad Finstad. I don't usually pick on kids who are still wet behind the ears, but this one deserves a spanking. Young Bradley, a second-term Republican from New Ulm, wants to require new arrivals to learn English in a year or lose their state benefits. I'd like to see Bradley learn a new language in a year, but his plan communicates something:

Minnesota Nice is morphing toward Minnesota Nasty.


Then Nick goes on his predictable path, bashing us xenophobic, hard-hearted conservatives. Needless to say, he breaks the needle on the condescention meter.

First, let me say this: the proposed one-year requirement is a little off. I took two years of Italian in college and all I have retained is the ability to curse in that language (actually, now that I think of it, that's pretty impressive: cursing comprises approximately 40% of the Italian language). I think two to four years would be more reasonable.

Everything else in this bill is not only reasonable, but critical.

Hear that, Nick? Let me introduce you to this thing that I call "logic," testa di merda:

In order to function in society, you need to communicate with others.
In order to communicate with others, you need to be able to speak the same languge as them.
The language here in America (including Minnesota) is English.
When you fail to learn how to communicate with 99.9% of the population, your chances of living in poverty skyrocket.
When you disincentivize learning the native language, you in effect make these people wards of the state.
Therefore, forcing someone to assimilate is far more humane than allowing them to wallow in poverty.

Of course, Nick's method is more conducive to his habit of constantly calling for tax increases on conservatives. I think that there is more than just a passing correlation between this and the whole public schools conflagration still going on over on Cap'n Fishsticks' blog. Discuss.

But what would I know? I'm just an exurban Know-Nothing. Who speaks broken Italian.

Vada via in culo, Nick!

Oh, and one other thing: I've met several of those descendants of German immigrants from New Ulm. THEY ALL SPEAK ENGLISH.

Mangia merda e morta.

Note to readers: No more free rides. If you want translations, start using the comments section.

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