...As idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean. -Samuel Taylor Coleridge via Iron Maiden
There is nothing to lash out at today. Fodder for bombast is in short supply. Fortunately, my 2 new Iron Maiden CDs arrived in the mail yesterday, trebling my collection. So I can do a half-baked review.
Piece of Mind. Many metalheads consider this IM's breakthrough opus, comparing it favorably to even Powerslave. With such high expectations, I was rather disappointed. There are a few excellent songs intermingled with a few unremarkable ones. Maybe a few more spins may warm me to it.
But that's unlikely to happen anytime soon because Somewhere in Time will be parked in my CD player for a long time. From the opening strains of the frenetic "Caught Somewhere in Time", to the life-affirming "Wasted Years" - a song so inspiring that it could convince the most wretched depressive to remove the gun from his mouth and embrace life with zeal - to the closing power chords of "Alexander the Great" (yes, a heavy metal biography of Alexander: gravi-fricking-tas!), Somewhere in Time grabs you by the short hairs and transports you to Metal Nirvana. It's a pulse PUMPING SHOT OF ADRENALINE THAT WILL MAKE YOU WANT TO STRAP ON SOME GUNS AND INVADE IRAN AND TAKE ON THOSE BASTARDS ALL BY YOURSELF - AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee!
[LearnedFoot has left the keyboard and is now moshing around his office shrieking the chorus to "Wasted Years" at the top of his lungs, getting most of the words wrong.]
Speaking of incendiary items, The Blogger Formerly Known as Jo writes today:
Dear Kool Aid Report,
I have snubbed Powerline (purposely no link here) by dropping them down to the regular blogroll and moved you up to the top of the food chain in the Attic.Can we consider ourselves members of N.A.A.P.A.L.M. yet or is there some other strange ritual one must endure to obtain a link on the prestigious blogroll?
Why yes, TFB, there is one more ritual you must perform:
1) You must first desecrate a copy of Garrison Keillor's Homegrown Democrat. (To honor Brothers Sisyphus and NIGP). Fire is preferred, but urine will do.
2.) Find a copy of the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy. Prop it up next to your monitor so your gaze will continually be fixed upon it while you type. (To honor Brother Gigl.)
3.) Now the important part: you must publish a post of no less than 50 words explaining why Power Line's arrogance pisses you off. You must provide at least one specific example to support your thesis. The essay must include each of the following components and qualities:
- No matter its length, the post must be one continuous paragraph (To honor Brother V-Toed-Bill);
- You may not at any time actually use the name "Power Line" or any derivative thereof when referring to that blog (to honor Brother Gary for enduring the disgraceful and blatant snub by Power Line of the blog most impacted by Mark Dayton's decision not to run);
- You must incorporate a line from an Iron Maiden song off of either the Powerslave or Somewhere in Time albums (to honor LearnedFoot. If you are unfamiliar with their work, there are about a bazillion websites that have such information. Failing that, you can always contact the Foot for guidance).
4.) Finally, once you have published the post, you must dump a full martini on your keyboard (to honor Brother Doug.)
If you complete this task satisfactorily, we shall commence the initiation process, which entails:
1.) The quaffing of the Flagon of the Malted Beverage of Fraternity; and
2.) The Spanking of Discipline.
Uh, one moment...
OK, our attorneys inform us that the spanking would be a bad idea. So we'll replace that with an extra quaffing of a Flagon of Fraternal Malted Beverage and a placement on the NAAPALM blogroll by Bill.
Go forth and make us proud, TFB.
Anybody else want to join the club?