Friday, March 11, 2005

An Open Letter to Nick

Dear Chrome-Headed Butt Monkey:

Wow are you clever! And brave too. Sending your Dimwitted Sidekick to "infiltrate" to blogger related events in the same week shows an amount of moxie and initiative the likes we haven't seen since Nevile Chamberlain.

Of course someone who fancies himself a crackerjack reporter would have by now (you have been on this blog rant for about 3 months) talked to at least one of us. Someone with real balls or intellectual curiosity would have attended those events himself instead of sending one of his drooling lackeys.

No, it allows you to continue to utilize the mental cartoon you've drawn of us without that nasty thing known as "reality" to dampen your daily morning insult-fest. Because if you were to actually talk to any of those people at Keegans last night, you wouldn't have found the toothless lowlifes your delusions have created.

You would have found family people who love their children.

You might have met people successful in all manner of pursuits who give as much of their hard earned money and precious little time as possible to charity.

You would even have had the opportunity to meet a guy who singlehandedly built an orphanage in Mexico, and now plans on completely rewiring the place by himself (funeral arrangements have already begun).

Unfortunately, you would not have been able to meet me. I was attending a baptism preparation class at my church for the coming baptism of my new son (who at four-months now has more hair than you do). And I suspect you do want ascertain my identity since someone using the domain "startribune.com" surfed upon my blog last night using the search words "kool aid report learnedfoot".

Awfully specific for a googol search. But I may be jumping to conclusions. It may be one of those other obsessed blog-hating Strib employees.

But ignorance serves your purposes better, so ignorant you shall remain.

Right now you are saying on your crappy show that "bloggers make up stuff, insult people and attack people's reputations." How exactly is that any different than what you do over the air every day?

You say you are standing up and speaking out to us. You got is ass-backwards, jerk. You created us. We got tired of your endless sanctimonious brow-beating based on questionable reporting. We are screaming back at people like you, Nick. You been a columnist for, what, 20 or 30 years? I've been blogging since November.

I'm calling you out Nick. How about interviewing one of us? Any of us. I won't hold my breath. It doesn't suit your purposes.

So if you want to play games so be it. I love games.

Love,

LearnedFoot (and I suspect the rest of NARN and MOB too)

UPDATE (With bump to top): Nick himself wrote to me claiming that he saw the "I've got a nuke" remark as a threat. Rereading the post, it is understandable, in that that remark followed the "warning" to "not get too cute". The "nuke" comment was meant to mean that in any game, I could "outgun" him. I did not mean that there would be a mushroom cloud replacing his home, a flaming bag of dog poo appearing on his porch, or anything else illegal or even untoward. My quarrel with Nick is in the arena of ideas. And when he advances one, I'll be happy to take it on.

The offending remarks have been removed.

KAR regrets the error.

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