Friday, March 18, 2005

Top 11 Reasons Why Hockey Sucks

2/29/08 WELCOME MORONIC HOCKEY MESSAGE BOARD HOSERS AND OTHER LOSERS WHO FOR WHATEVER REASON FEEL THE NEED TO GOOGLE "HOCKEY SUCKS" AND TROLL ABOUT A 3-YEAR-OLD BLOG POST:

The following post was one in a series of several tongue-in-cheek exchanges with another blogger, the backstory of which you are unaware. Rest assured in your tiny little insecure minds, that nobody here at Kool Aid Report actually thinks that hockey sucks.

You, on the other hand...

===================

11. Anything that Canadians are good at can't be worthwhile.

10. Anything that North Dakotans are good at can't be worthwhile.

9. True fast breaks are illegal.

8. Squashing an oppontent against a wall by plowing into him at 50 miles per hour is legal, but if you touch him with your hockey stick in an improper manner, it's a foul.

7. All that frenetic nonstop action yielding scores like: 1-0, 2-0, or 3-1.

6. The equipment is too cumbersome to allow for pantomime moonings.

5. The phrase "put the biscuit in the basket" is gay.

4. Penalty box? Deprivation of civil liberties without due process.

3. People with French surnames are allowed to play.

2. The game was invented for the sole benefit of white guys with 4-inch vertical leaps.

1. One word: "mullets".

51 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why don't ya'll think it sucks? I really does suck, no really it sucks a big one...

Anonymous said...

Hockey doesn't suck. In the NHL all Canadian teams usually don't even make to the playoffs.Most professionals can't even top 25 miles per hour.Soccer also has the same scoring method and hundreds of millions of people love the sport.If you want to see a guy mooning another guy, then something is badly wrong with you.Not all hockey players have mullets.and the thing thing about French surnames is just racist.Do be such a asshole just because you suck at everything you do.

Anonymous said...

By the way you mentioned the Canadian teams usually don't even make the playoffs. Even the American teams have mostly Canadian players.

Anonymous said...

I just does.

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Anonymous said...

Hockey is a great sport, its the fastest sport in the world, the toughest sport and one of the most dangerous! You cant be dumb to play and its the ultimate team sport, you all dont know what you are talking about!

FUCKCANADA said...

Canada sucks big dick. Hockey suck ass. Therefore Canadians suck mega dick boner fags. Fuck boring ass cuntadians.

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Anonymous said...

Hockey does not suck. It is the best sport on earth. You sir, are just a racist piece of crap that sucks at everything. Get a life and stop hating on sports that you know nothing about. Bitch.

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Anonymous said...

This makes no sense no.2 isnt right. On "in the room" some penguins players were dunking, and some players reach higher than the glass when they jump on skates. This is prob. A joke but still. Soccer is gay haha

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Anonymous said...

The fact that you called a penalty a fowl... ;) Looks like someone has never played hockey before... LOL

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Anonymous said...

I'm Canadian and even I think Hockey sucks and is vastly overrated. It definitely doesn't help that the players are taught that its best to be cocky self-disillusioned douchebags (at least where in from).

Anonymous said...

Wow this is truly amazing.... this really is! Who are these kinds of people that go on a computer and type all of this Bullshit!? OPEN YOUR EYES! You are VERY racist and that is not okay! Maybe thats how your parents raised you but you really need to change your lifestyle and I mean FAST. I personally don't watch hockey; football (soccer) is my main sport and it's what I love to play. It is great fun for us. Also whats with the gay stuff? Is it bad to be gay? And you cannot classify a group of people as gay either. One of my best friends is gay. He is a great guy! I don't understand where some of you people are raised thinking all of these terrible things. What if you were just born in France? Would you hate Americans? There are a lot of stereotypes about americans. This is saddening that people in the world can actually be this close minded.

Anonymous said...

Counterarguments:

11. Canadians are nice people. What you said is mean and racist.
10. Again, mean. You are just jealous.
9. what are you saying? Breakouts are important in the game
8. That's the sport's rules. Get used to it.
7. Well that's because there is a GOALIE! HELLO?
6. What you call "cumbersome" is actually keeping you safe.
5. You're gay
4. Well having a penalty box is better than letting a player keep fighting until he kills the other person.
3. Racist.
2. Anyone can play hockey if they have the passion for it. Again, you are probably jealous because you can't skate.
1. No one has mullets anymore.

In conclusion, you are just some random guy that thinks he is cool enough to post something idiotic about hockey. Don't be a jerk. If you don't like hockey, fine, but you don't have to diss it.

Anonymous said...

Wow man you sure got the facts straight on this one. It's hard to appreciate a sport while living in your parents basement and see the sunlight once a day. You should tuck in your beer belly and try to play the game someday and I think you'll have a little bit more respect for it.

David Burdoo said...

I looked this up just to see how pathetic the pathetic the arguments are against hockey. I was totally satisfied thanks. Ha what a pathetic argument.

Anonymous said...

11. You are a racist as**ole
10. Again same as 11
9. Wtf are you talking about
8. Who calls it a "foul"!? Are you kidding. You abbility never even put skates on you dumb@ss. You hit your opponent to get the puck. Musing your stick to impede the other players movement is not aloud because it's "unfair if you will" having 5 feet advantage of everyone is not fair. (And I feel like I have to say that when I say 5 feet I'm talking about a hockey stick, you probably don't know because you've never touched one you
dumb@ss.
7. Have you played soccer? Scores are similar many times, hockey has way more speed and action and movement in a close space to keep excitement, again you've never seen an ice rink.
6. You've never wore hockey gear before. A you said moving 50 mph and getting "squished" against the boards having padding helps from breaking bones. And "pantomime mooning" I think you forgot what you are talking about.
5. Never even heard that saying.. I've played hockey since I was 6. You are way to steriotypical.
4. Ya penalty box.. Nothing to do with "civil liberties" like what world are you from. Helps keep balance in the game... You're to dull to explain anything to.
3. Again racist @sshole. Is datsyuk a French surname?? No you f'ing dumb f**k
2. Racist again, like man what is your deal. You need to get your head checked. So much more than "vertical leaps" if that's what you wanna call it.
1. Pfft look at hockey players. Back in the day mullets were used because players had barely anytime to "tend to there hair" unlike you prissy girly guy who needs to wear makeup to look good. Now barely any players have mullets.. Never once have I had a mullet. And only a couple guys on my team have them and just because they like screwing around and having fun. Not one thinks they are cool..
So there you go. Showing how much you missed thinking of. Obviously you've never wore skate or held a hockey stick you dumb f**k. You just think why you wanna think in your own little world. Yea sure other sports I don't like, like baseball and soccer. But nowhere am I gonna "make a blog" in a sport I've never experienced.. You re a stupid @sshole.

Anonymous said...

Hockey is a sport of homosexuals. JS.

Anonymous said...

you should actually kill yourself its cause your a fucking bum and cant afford the equiptment. everyone who hates hockey doesnt like it cause they cant play it and they are to busy playing some other pussy sport

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Anonymous said...

Mooning people is football. Every start they line up in the drop the soap position. Hockey really is probably one of the best sports out there compared to others. The dumbest ones are those xsports or whatever they are called. Skateboarding isn't a sport...

Anonymous said...

If you make a living chirping other sports you don't like, JUST DONT. You should really try playing hockey sometime. Why don't you talk to the millions of people that eat, sleep and breathe hockey. If you think you are #SWAG for making fun of hockey you Obiously like soccer too much. GOODBYE NOW

Anonymous said...

Hockey is the best sport I know. It takes a bunch of hard work to play too. Football players wear a helmet and little gear. They good to go. Hockey? No, no, no. Let me name ALL the gear (excluding one cuz i can't remember what it's called lol) helmet, mouthguard, chestplate, (is that what it's called i just started to play this year) hockey shorts, shin pads, and of course, the skates. TRY TO PLAY FOOTBALL WITH THAT NERDS. So if you wanna be called tough, like me lol, play hockey.

Anonymous said...

Hockey is the toughest sport, you have to be psychotic to play it. Can we just list whats best about it 1.Fighting 2. Body Checking 3. The best chirps ever 4. Fighting 5. Goalies trying to stop a huge chunk of hard rubber going 80 mph and up 6. Did I mention fighting 7. If a tooth is loose they pull it out during play 8. Players purposely use their bodies to stop pucks 9. Goalies can fight 10. Possibility of getting throat slit (which has happened YouTube it) 11. Purposely fling their bodies into someone else 12. Gotta be fast 13. Fans are just as psychotic and dedicated as the players 14. They don't leave for something stupid like cramps 15. Need stitches?.. they still continue to play 16. Oh yeah and fighting It's a great sport, and the only one I'll watch personally. If you've never gone to an actual hockey game I suggest you do, watching on TV isn't as nearly exciting. Brought my cousin to a game who never cared for hockey and I never saw him so worked up over a game, shouting at the refs and freaking out when they scored, he loved it.

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Hockey sucks ass