Top 11 Reasons Why Hockey Sucks

2/29/08 WELCOME MORONIC HOCKEY MESSAGE BOARD HOSERS AND OTHER LOSERS WHO FOR WHATEVER REASON FEEL THE NEED TO GOOGLE "HOCKEY SUCKS" AND TROLL ABOUT A 3-YEAR-OLD BLOG POST:

The following post was one in a series of several tongue-in-cheek exchanges with another blogger, the backstory of which you are unaware. Rest assured in your tiny little insecure minds, that nobody here at Kool Aid Report actually thinks that hockey sucks.

You, on the other hand...

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11. Anything that Canadians are good at can't be worthwhile.

10. Anything that North Dakotans are good at can't be worthwhile.

9. True fast breaks are illegal.

8. Squashing an oppontent against a wall by plowing into him at 50 miles per hour is legal, but if you touch him with your hockey stick in an improper manner, it's a foul.

7. All that frenetic nonstop action yielding scores like: 1-0, 2-0, or 3-1.

6. The equipment is too cumbersome to allow for pantomime moonings.

5. The phrase "put the biscuit in the basket" is gay.

4. Penalty box? Deprivation of civil liberties without due process.

3. People with French surnames are allowed to play.

2. The game was invented for the sole benefit of white guys with 4-inch vertical leaps.

1. One word: "mullets".