Sunday, March 27, 2005

Tragic Comedy, or: Comic Tragedy

It's been a bad couple of days for the Foot's overall cred. First, Sisyphus baits me into saying that Warren Burger joined the 3 dissenters in Roe v. Wade(TM). Of course this is wrong on 2 counts: 1) Burger joined the majority's opinion, and 2) there were not 3 dissenting justices on that case. Sisyphus took the opportunity to beat the shit out of me for this misstatement (and BTW, Sis: the Minnesota State Supreme Court says that they won't give me any CLE credits for reading your post. I want a refund.) To set the record straight, the justices who joined Rehnquist's dissent in Roe were: JJ. White, Brennan, Brandeis, Warren and Cardozo.

The Foot regrets the error.

Then of course there was last night's Choke-o-rama featuring the chokiest chokers that ever choked, Arizona. The 'Cats were up by 15 with 3 minutes to go...

...and lost.

I previously was not in favor of the death penalty. Now I say give Lute Olsen the chair. His, and his team's, performance was criminal.

So I owe Flash a beer. Illinois made it to the Final Four. I was wrrrrrrr - Er, I was wrrron-

I am having trouble writing that. So I'll just say that I have already mailed Flash his beer; a 7-year old Old Milwaukee I found in the back of my fridge. I mailed it 6th Class U.S. Post and marked the box "FRAGILE" so the beer won't get too shaken up.

As for the "hoops cred" thing: the results are inconclusive. Flash picked Kansas to win the tournament, so as I see it, all things are equal. We will have to wait until next year to see which one of us truly possesses hoop cred.

But, just to remind you: Flash picked Kansas to win it all.

***

Hamlet was on HBO the other day (I hope nobody got whiplash from that abrupt change in topic. I'm paying a courtesy to Blogger today by making it easier for it to eat all my posts in one convenient swipe.) It was the satisfying, if less than classic Mel Gibson version. I love Shakespeare; especially his tragedies. I know that there are some that are turned off by The Bard. Many find his stories predictable. This is mostly due to the 400 years worth of derivative plays, films and prose that have rendered most of his best stuff no more than cliche. Then there are those that find his language and style impenetrable.

So as a public service to those people who don't appreciate Shakespeare the way I do, I will provide a plot summary for what I consider his best works, his tragedies in their totality:

ACT I

The characters are introduced; all of whom have conflicting interests, and most of whom have a fatal flaw.

ACT II

A stunning string of coincidences/bad luck/poor judgment leads to the untimely death of one or two characters.

ACT III

All the characters who have not yet died, die.

[Exit LearnedFoot as a lone piper plays "Greensleeves" offstage]

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