Sunday, March 20, 2005

A Whole Bunch of Unrelated Stuff Delivered in a Stream-of-Consciousness Manner

Tournament on TV, muted - Check.

Iron Miaden cranking on the stereo - Check.

Strib Opinion Section open to the letters page - Check.

Intravenous Bloody Mary administered - Check.

Let's rant.

A commenter to Dementee's last (quite popular) post writes:

I would urge others to read this blog more often if sophomoric language was used less often.

Dementee is right, but "regurgitated monkey spleen", for example, detracts from the message. This is a shame, since as I just said he's right.

For the 8,975th time: if you want consistent well crafted arguments, go read Fraters Libertas. No, strike that. If you want to read about the latest in cutting edge shaving or bourbon technology, go read Fraters Libertas. If you want cogent, well-reasoned arguments and intelligent civic discourse, read Shot in the Dark.

If you want spleen-venting catharsis with a smattering of booger, butt and poop jokes, as well as a little cheeky photoshop chacanery, read us.

Though I do agree that "regurgitated monkey spleen" was a little uncalled for. I would have used the more delicate "dysinterious discharge mixed with vomit."

Most blogs fancy their comments section as a forum for discussion. The KAR comments section is offered to the public only for the following purposes:

1) To make over-the-top fawning comments about the latest brilliant (though occasionally foul-mouthed) post by one of your beloved resident bloggers. And don't worry about my ego. It still hasn't exceeded what blogger.com's bandwith can handle;

2) To make your own wisecracks; and

3) To defend indefensible sports like hockey.

Speaking of which:

Also from the comments section: Nihilist in Golf Pants argues that college basketball's popularity is the best evidence that is an inferior sport to hockey.

If Nihilist were a lawyer, I would set up my practice to serve only clients whose opponents retained him as their attorney. And I would get rich.

Enough of this hockey talk. Ever since Minnesota's goober governor made the cover of a magazine in the 70's, Minnesotans have thought that all that is good and great is contained completely within the borders of this state. And that explains the whole Minnesota hockey vs. basketball argument in a nutshell.

For the record, I have been known to view a hockey game or two. And I even know that the "crease" is not a eupahmism for "butt crack". Of course, it doesn't stop me from giggling whenever I hear: "the goalie caught the puck in the crease".

Enough with the hockey thing. Let's rejoin forces to battle moonbatism.

Speaking of moonbatism, let's take a look at today's letters to the Strib:

Here's one:

One has to admire the employment practices of the Bush administration. Create failed foreign policies and get a promotion.

First Condoleezza Rice is named secretary of state, and now Paul Wolfowitz is nominated to head the World Bank.

I only wish it worked that way in the real world.

Newton Smith, Minneapolis.

OK, I'll respond by merely matching the snarkiness of Mr. Smith's letter: If it did work that way in the real world (i.e. incompetence is rewarded in corresponding degrees), the sign on Mr. Smith's office door would read: Newton Smith, CEO.

Another:

Now that the Senate has voted to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil exploration, I have come to the conclusion that our government is morally bankrupt. Cashing in our national treasures for an oil fix is nothing more than stealing from our children to pay off our own debts ... oh, that's right, they've been doing that for years.

Pete Passolt, Minneapolis.

First of all, the oil exploration and extraction of ANWR would create an environmental situation no more damaging than that of the widespread moose poop already prevalent in that God-forsaken area.

Second, please drop this "our children" crap that you lefties invoke for just about every issue from the deficit to Social Security. My children will be just fine. Though I worry about yours, Pete. [Here, LearnedFoot imagines a conversation between Pete and his imagined child]:

Pete: So son, what do you want to be when you grow up.

Pete's Kid: I, uh, I dunno.

Pete: That's OK. The government will take care of it.

Pete's Kid: Daddy, where do babies come from?

Pete: Why don't you ask the government. Or Planned Parenthood.

Another:

Just because Cheri Pierson Yecke now works for a right-wing think tank doesn't make her ideas any more palatable to Minnesotans ("Voluntary personal accounts were proposed long ago," March 13).

Regardless of the semantics, the trust fund we call Social Security has functioned exactly as planned, and will continue to do so if it can be protected from the likes of her.

Cathy Murphy, St. Louis Park.

The trust fund we call Social Security has functioned as planned? That's why Ponzi schemes are illegal. Unless you are the Federal governmant, that is.

Speaking of Ponzi schemes and other means of self-enrichment at the expense of others:

UWM shocked the nation by making the Sweet Sixteen. Flash and I are tied at one beer a piece.

Let's review my pre-tournament predictions:

Illinois will lose in the final 8 to Oklahoma State - Yet to be determined.

Wisconsin-Milwaukee will stun the nation by making it to the round of sixteen - And they did.

George Washington eliminates Georgia Tech in the first round - The exception that proves the rule.

NC State knocks off Charlotte in the first round - Yep

And my Penzoil Five-Star Lock of the Week: Texas Tech to the Sweet Sixteen - Jimmy the Greek is worried about his job.

Enough. I need to refill my Bloody Mary so this is as good a place as any to -

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