Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Billshit, or: Iron Maiden Can Teach Us a Lot About Bill Moyers

It appears that the Strib, aware that Memorial Day weekend is the Traffic Dead Zone for blogs, and that I was out of town, felt it was safe to run Bill Moyer's latest exercise in self-adulatory "truth" proclaiming and "democracy" defense.

Oh I am SO going to fisk the snot out of this one - if I can keep my brain from falling out of my head. But first, I'm curious as to what this dusty red button here in front of me does. I think I'll press it and find out:


Another Prophet of Disaster
Who says the ship is lost,
Another Prophet of Disaster
Leaving you to count the cost.
Taunting us with Visions,
Afflicting us with fear,
Predicting War for millions,
In the hope that one appears.

-Iron Maiden

Ooo. That's a good one! Let's see what this fool had to say:

The story I've come to share with you goes to the core of our belief that the quality of democracy and the quality of journalism are deeply entwined. I can tell this story because I've been living it. It's been in the news this month, including reports of more attacks on a single journalist -- yours truly -- by the right-wing media and their allies at the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.

Number of self references in that paragraph: 5

Number of sentences: 3

And, of course, a big "heh heh" to the phrase "right wing media". So far so good: my brain is still inside my skull.

As some of you know, CPB was established almost 40 years ago to set broad policy for public broadcasting and to be a firewall between political influence and program content. What some on this board are now doing today -- led by its chairman, Kenneth Tomlinson -- is too important, too disturbing and yes, even too dangerous for a gathering like this not to address.

A prophet of disaster... (now I've got that song in my head).

Two things worth noting: 1) If CFB was meant to be a "firewall" between politics and programming, then it has been doing a pretty crappy job. Moyers' own show - and the absence of one like it from the right - is proof of that; 2) PBS is not important enough that the consequenses of any fiddling with its programming could be considered "dangerous".

Starting to feel woozy, but I'm still OK.

We're seeing unfold a contemporary example of the age-old ambition of power and ideology to squelch and punish journalists who tell the stories that make princes and priests uncomfortable.

Taunting us with visions
Afflicting us with fear

Let me assure you that I take in stride attacks by the radical right-wingers who have not given up demonizing me although I retired over six months ago. They've been after me for years now, and I suspect they will be stomping on my grave to make sure I don't come back from the dead.

...Predicting war for millions
In the hope that one appears

And for the record:

Number of self-references in that last paragraph: 8

Number of sentences: 2

And a closed circuit to BM (heh, Moyers' initials are "BM". How delicious): You were never important or "dangerous" enough to merit our attention. Most people saw you for what you were - a bitter old former LBJ propaganda hack who cherrypicks "facts" to fit his own agenda. I like to call your version of journalism "billshit".

I should remind them, however, that one of our boys pulled it off some 2,000 years ago -- after the Pharisees, Sadducees and Caesar's surrogates thought they had shut him up for good. Of course I won't be expecting that kind of miracle, but I should put my detractors on notice: They might just compel me out of the rocking chair and back into the anchor chair.

WHOA! Did I just read that correctly? Is he comparing himself to Jesus?

I'm getting a throbbing headache.

Who are "they"? I mean the people obsessed with control, using the government to threaten and intimidate. I mean the people who are hollowing out middle-class security even as they enlist the sons and daughters of the working class -

Wait a minute waitaminutewaitaminuteWAITAMINUTE! Let's read this again:

I should remind them, however, that one of our boys pulled it off some 2,000 years ago -- after the Pharisees, Sadducees and Caesar's surrogates thought they had shut him up for good.

This fool is painting himself as a Jesus figure!!! The throbbing has turned jackhammer-like..

That's who I mean. And if that's editorializing, so be it. A free press is one where it's OK to state the conclusion you're led to by the evidence.

No Bill. The free press is supposed to give us all the evidence and let us draw our own conclusions. When you offer a prepackaged conclusion to those of us whom I'm sure you think are dumber than you are, it's an automatic reason to question the quality of the evidence. Are we getting the whole story? Is the reporter shooting it straight with us? How reliable are the -

I'm sorry, I have got to go back and look at this again, just to be sure:

I should remind them, however, that one of our boys pulled it off some 2,000 years ago -- after the Pharisees, Sadducees and Caesar's surrogates thought they had shut him up for good. Of course I won't be expecting that kind of miracle, but I should put my detractors on notice: They might just compel me out of the rocking chair and back into the anchor chair.

Un-freaking-believable. He thinks he's the Son of God - a Jesus Journalist.

I need to go put my brain back in my head. Someone please take over for me. I can't go on.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Status Report

I am here in Des Moines with noted Marquette alumni Denbo and G2.

Rock on.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Signs, signs, everywhere the signs: A drive through the Twilight Zone update

In my continuing endeavor to keep KAR readers up to date about the ongoing 2002 and 2004 elections (they are not over; remember?), I have been keeping a photographic log of some campaign signs that occupy yards in the Prospect Park area of Minneapolis. I am still waiting to hear news that Prospect Park has seceded from the union. After all, it is fairly apparent that they do not recognize the current U.S. government. Take a look:

And of course, our favorite holdout:

This is nearly June, 2004 folks, which means the Wellstone sign has been up for three years! Here is what I am wondering now: What is the time threshold for leaving these signs up? Will the homeowner decide one day "Well, it's been seven years since the 2002 election, an election in which Wellstone was not even a candidate on election day. Maybe I should take the old sign down."
The longer they stay up, the more difficult it will be to take them down and admit defeat.

Memorial Weekend Moron Mail

Got 2 of 'em today:


Can there be any doubt that Katherine Kersen is nothing more or less than a hard-wired, hard-edge opinion writer whose only place in the paper, if she has one at all, is on the opinion pages? Someone who is too blinded by dogma to understand that gratuitously insulting Catholics and the archbishop in the news section of the paper is not good journalism and not welcome by its readers.

John J. Ursu, Minneapolis.

Hmmm. Let's do some editing:

Can there be any doubt that Katherine Kersen [PICK ONE: Nick Coleman / Doug Grow] is nothing more or less than a hard-wired, hard-edge opinion writer whose only place in the paper, if she has one at all, is on the opinion pages? Someone who is too blinded by dogma to understand that gratuitously insulting Catholics and the archbishop in the news section of the paper is not good journalism and not welcome by its readers.

John J. Ursu, Phinneas Q Moonbat, Minneapolis Dumbshitville.

Hey! It works!

I wonder if Mr. Ursu complained when Coleman was hired by the Strib a couple years back? I encourage all KAR readers to call him and ask. I'm sure he's in the book.


Sonja Swiatkiewicz's May 27 letter shows that she needs to reread Article II, Sec. 2 of the U.S. Constitution. Here is an exact quote "... and he shall nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, shall appoint Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Consuls, Judges of the supreme Court, and all other Officers of the United States ...."

The Constitution does not mandate an up or down vote. To say that it does is simply wrong. It is tragic when a manager of media communication and constituent communication spreads falsehoods that dangerously mislead the public.

Thomas W. Miller, Coon Rapids.

Merely quoting the Constitution does not prove the point. This fool (and others like him) should only be allowed to discuss this topic if they can answer the following question:

Under the Constitution, does the Senate's failure to vote on a Presidential apointee constitute a withholding of consent, or a waiver of the Senate's right to advise and consent? Support your answer.

Wow! Do you hear all those moonbat heads exploding?

See ya Monday - if you're lucky. Tuesday if I'm lucky.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Stupid Letter Warning

Bruce B. Cunningham is today’s winner of the stupid letter contest. What’s striking is this one was printed in the SPPP, not the Star & Sickle.

First the letter, then my comments:

Smokers favored over runners

A group of Tartan High School students recently asked the Oakdale Planning and Parks Commission to prohibit smoking in public parks. Despite testimony from students, athletes, a school addiction counselor and a local physician, the commission voted 6-2 against the prohibition.

Apparently it made more sense to the commissioners to allow adults watching youth soccer games to puff away in peace. And those walkers and joggers in Oakdale are now free and clear to breathe deeply on cigarettes while they get their 30-minute cardiovascular workout done.

The Oakdale Planning and Parks Commission is now on record as being friendlier to smokers than Hennepin and Ramsey County liquor establishments. I hope the Oakdale City Council will show more common sense.


Now, you may ask, what is it I have against Mr. Cunningham’s submission to today’s editorial page?

In a word: Everything.

First, he believes the Commission is wrong because they listened to “students, athletes, a school addiction counselor and a local physician” and came to a conclusion he does not support. How terrible it must have been for Bruce to have reality slap him in the ass like a big-ole 2X4 by opening his eyes to the fact that the world does not revolve around him and his repressive beliefs. That there are some in this world, including at least 6 in Oakdale that actually disagree with him.

Second, “Apparently it made more sense to the commissioners to allow adults watching youth soccer games to puff away in peace. And those walkers and joggers in Oakdale are now free and clear to breathe deeply on cigarettes while they get their 30-minute cardiovascular workout done.”

Are you really this stupid, Bruce? Are you?

You’ve been to the park, do you regularly see a cloud of smoke hovering around the ground seeping into the lungs of children and other persons of risk (shit, did I really write that)?

Of course you don’t, because smoke rises and is diluted (poor choice of words but you get my meaning) in the air around it, you idiot.

Joggers and kiddies are not going to be gasping on smoke-filled air having their pretty pink lungs clogged with tar and nicotine.

The next time you try to make an argument, Bruce, you should try to support it with a few facts. It makes it more interesting to read and you might have a shot at changing a mind or two.

Leave the whiney, emotional rants to Nick-boy and his little lady. They’re better equipped –with having estrogen coursing through their veins and all.

Behind the Scenes of the Left-Wing Fraud Machine (Wisconsin Division)

You can't swing a dead cat by the tail in the archives of KAR without hitting one of my posts about the electoral shenanigans that took place in Milwaukee last November. So I won't link to any of them (there's about 15 of them and they're all so good it'd be a shame to link to just a few). But if you want a good synopsis of the story, without having to read the word "douchebags" or "shitknuckles", go here. And be sure to refresh your memory of the Democrat voter suppression tactics detailed here.

Today, we get a little more insight about how the whole scam worked. The census bureau released numbers yesterday indicating that young voter turnout in Wisconsin - that is, voters between the ages of 18 to 24 - was second highest in the nation.

What was attributable to such a robust exercise of the franchise among the slacker demographic?

This had a lot to do with it:

Much of that energy was aimed at young voters. Wisconsin was one of six states targeted by the New Voters Project, which surpassed its goal of registering 100,000 young voters in Wisconsin, where Kerry beat Bush by about 11,000 votes.

Who is the "New Voters Project"?

...a non-partisan group affiliated with a consumer advocacy organization called Public Interest Research Groups.

AHA! So the NVP is a "non-partisan" (you can already see where I'm going with this) group that is the monkey of the Public Interest Research Groups. If you attended the U of M back in the day (and maybe even now- I graduated a decade ago so I don't know) you would know the thrice-yearly ritual of having the U try to trick you into donating money to the M(innesota)PIRG every time you registered for classes. People like me diligently checked the box that said: CHECK HERE IF YOU DO not WANT TO DONATE $2.50 TO MPIRG. Because we knew from which field they were coming.

But for those of you not in the know, let's take a quick look at what PIRG stands for:

- They're against "sewage dumping". A bi-partison issue to be sure;

- They oppose the "dirty, dangerous energy bill". Hmmmm. I don't know what's in this energy bill, but I'm going to guess that it's not as bad as they would make it out to be;

- They're against drilling for oil in ANWR.

I have a feeling that these folks were not Bush supporters.

But back to the NVP. Let's look at who endorsed their voter registration drive for the 2004 election:

Governor Jim Doyle - Democrat

James Reeb Unitarian Universalist Congregation - Unitarians tend not to be Republican.

First Unitarian Society - Ditto

Prairie Unitarian Universalists - Ditto ditto

La Comunidad News - I'll bet it carries the "La Cucaracha" comic strip

Diocese of Madison Office of Justice and Peace - "Justice and peace" - heh

Center for Democracy in Action - double heh

NAACP - 'Nuff said

Physicians for Social Responsibility - "socal responsibility": another euphamism for "throw money at a problem and make someone else pay for it"

Mothers Acting Up - I would look this one up, but I'm afraid of what I'd find

Rick’s CafĂ© Newspaper - I believe Rick's Cafe is a strip joint, but I could be wrong.

The list goes on and on ranging from the non partisan (4-H, League of Women Voters) to the moonbat fringe (Peace Action, Jim Doyle). Scan the list. Find a conservative.

Oh that's right - conservatives want to stiffle the youth vote. That's why they went out to parking lots at local universities and slashed tires.

Oh wait - that didn't happen.

Moving on quickly as I'm almost out of time.

What these "non-partisan" jerks are doing is registering a demographic that is known for its unlikeliness to vote, to get names of people who would be as likely as not to (suprise) vote. And ask yourself this question: why is it necessary to advance-register people when Wisconsin allows same-day voter registration?

Anecdotal evidence (in the form of callers to Milwaukee talk show host Mark Belling) suggests that the folks at NVP (or some other outfit) called registrants late on election day and ask if the registrant had voted.

What do you think happened when the answer was "no"?

Oh, and what of all those fictional registrations (indicated by confirmation cards that were returned as undeliverable because the "voter's" address didn't exist)?

It's not like you need to show a photo ID when voting in Wisconsin. And if the Dems have their way, you never will.

Hooray for the franchise!

Blogger Gets Hernia While Trying to Restrain Himself from Making a Long Series of Tasteless Jokes

Viagra may cause blindness.

I wonder if it also causes hair to grow on your palms.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Don’t repeat this, but…

A Newsweek-like anonymous source tells me Nick, Garrison and the rest of the Lefties in the Twin Cities are gathered at an undisclosed drinking establishment tossing back the Scotch and lamenting the end of an era. Katherine Kersten’s debut in the hated S&S, they believe, is proof positive that the MSM has become a puppet of The Radical Right Wing Rove Machine.

In fact, this source tells me that the lead editorial in yesterday’s paper was published shortly before Kersten and her Storm Troopers took control of the oak-paneled room inhabited by the now-deposed pointy-headed editorial board.

“Mr. Rove is pleased with our progress.” an elated Darth Kersten said late last night, “If only we had arrived before they printed that bile about Emperor, I mean President Bush’s judicial nominees. Be that as it may, I can assure you the authors received a fair trial before being beaten.”

As to the whereabouts of Nick and Garrison, Darth Kersten insists there is no great urgency to root them out, “Nick can cause no harm. His columns will be spiked and his radio show, listened to mostly by drooling troglodytes, is certainly of no concern.”

Garrison, on the other hand, has a show to do on Saturday, so we can take him on our own schedule,” Darth Kersten insisted.

If I may editorialize a bit here, and I may: I’m happy to finally see a true, local conservative voice on the pages of the area’s biggest (even if it is shrinking) daily. Today’s column has none of the bleeding-heart emotional swill normally found in a piece about welfare.

I’ve said it before, emotion and reason don’t mix, and I will be proven right when the letters denouncing Kersten are printed over the next few days. The common themes will be “Kersten hats poor people”, “Republicans want to throw poor people on the street”, and “Republicans are uncaring, cold-hearted bastards” “how could the Star Tribune turn their fine paper over to a radical like Katherine Kersten?”

We all know it’s true. They may throw in one, but just one, letter that actually tries to refute the facts Kersten cited. The rest, well they will be typical knee-jerk Lefty responses to a well written, well supported column.

I can’t wait to read them.

Stuff I Don't Get

1) "La Cucaracha" is probably the worst comic strip in the history of the universe. My questions: is the point of this putridity to explode stereotypes about Latinos or revel in them? And how is it possible to do either for so long without ever once being funny?

2) American Idol. I'm sorry, I just don't get it. Is the world really clamoring for another Celine Dion? Really, someone explain this to me. Do we really need another R Kelly or Shania Twain more than we need another Beatles or Led Zeppelin?

Seriously: take a look at the music scene today. Are we really hurting for crappy overproduced fake R&B disposable pop?

"But Foot," you say, "It is an extremely rare talent to be able to sing like that. You should be impressed by those singers" blah blah blah. I can hit a golf ball 300 yards off the tee. You should be impressed by that. But you're not.

3) How in God's name did this letter slip by the Strib's letters editor?

Several times in the May 25 Star Tribune editorial on the filibuster you refer to those with whom you disagree as "radicals" and "fundamentalists."

Question: In your paper's view is there any such thing as a left-wing radical? Any secular fundamentalists?

Sen. Ted Kennedy, perhaps? Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg? Ward Churchill? Massachusetts Supreme Court Justice Margaret Marshall? Noam Chomsky? The Democrats who, for the first time in the history of the Senate, filibustered judicial nominees who enjoyed majority support?

Or are they all "progressive"?

Michael J. Nelson, Minneapolis.

Follow up question: If I spend 10 years of my career ripping on B movies with a couple of puppets, will the Strib publish a letter from me?

4) A lowlife, no-life commenter recently remarked that Dementee is a "bigger asshole than Mitch Berg."

My first question is to Dementee: how did that guy taste?

My second is for everyone: how can anybody be a bigger asshole than Mitch Berg?

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Why Howard "The Duck" Dean is Bad for Democrats

Two individuals requested that I elaborate on my Howard Dean post from Tuesday. MG is known to the KAR faithful, but he was joined by a newcomer who calls him/herself Blogesota.

Before I explain my comments about Howard and the reason the GOP is in good shape in spite of “The Deal”, I want to thank our new reader for proclaiming yours truly “a bigger asshole than Mitch Berg.”

Oddly enough, I’ll take that as a compliment and count Blogesota among my friends.

Now, on to Howard.

He is going to kill the Dummycrats (called so because they made him their Chair) with his ridiculous talk.

Take a peek at the transcripts linked to the original post and you’ll know what I mean:

A. Here’s a man who, while running for the Democrat Presidential nomination, said in an interview that, while he believed Osama was guilty of planning the 9/11 attacks, he was willing to withhold judgment because everyone deserves a fair trial.

B. When the subject turns to Tom Delay, he declares him guilty of charges for which the man has not been indicted. “I think Tom Delay ought to go back to Huston, where he can serve his jail sentence down there courtesy of the Texas taxpayers.”

C. “I hate Republicans and everything they stand for.”

D. “This is a struggle between good and evil and we’re the good.”

These, among other things, are why Howard “The Duck” Dean is bad for the Democrats.

This kind of stuff is popular in the Michael More Wing, but it ain’t gonna fly with the rank and file.

As long as he’s at the helm of the party, there will be trouble.

NEWS ALERT: Nonmonkey Outs Atomizer, JB Doubtless as "Activists"

The blogosphere was shocked to learn today that 2 of its most beloved Governor's Monkeys are actually right-wing activists:

The guest list was dominated by self-described "new media" activists whose reliably partisan views have earned them links on the home page of the Minnesota Republican Party. I don't care who the governor plays gin rummy with. The problem is that state law says the mansion -- "the people's house" -- is for ceremonial purposes, not partisan ones. So it is notable when a governor -- one mentioned as a contender for higher office -- invites spear carriers to make nice with him at the people's house.

Though Nonmonkey didn't name names, lovable Fraters JB Doubtless and Atomizer were in attendance. By implication this means that they are de facto activists and spear-catchers.

Of course on the planet NM and his ilk inhabit, anyone who holds and expresses an opinion different from theirs is an activist.

Of the 30 or 40 "new medians" in attendance, NM chose to interview...

...a non-blogger who was the only person not proclaiming herself a conservative:

"I'll stand as the one person who would not be considered right-wing," said [Kelli] Gorr, who broadcast a talk show from the governor's reception room in St. Paul on the day of the reception, but who took pains to present a politically balanced program. "The spin was that they [the governor's staff] wanted to reach new media able to disseminate information quickly and to say thank you to the nontraditional media. That was the spin. But if you call it most definitely right-wing, you're not off base."

Does any one else think that it's very very odd that a man who considers himself a "legitimate journalist" and obsessively concerns himself with "wingnut" bloggers has yet to try to contact one?

Well, I went to the source: I asked JB and Atomizer if they considered themselves "activists".

Atomizer said: "I'm only an activist in the sense that I'm actively trying to take down Ralph Rapson for continuing to foist his crappy, crappy architecture on the world."

JB babbled incoherently about scotch for 5 minutes.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Leave me alone, but keep the cameras rolling

Interesting how things change. I remember when former Newsweek Co-Chick of The Year Colleen Rowley told the world she didn’t want to be in the spotlight and would like to be left alone.

Isn’t it funny how dramatically things can change in just a few years? Funny, too, is how she went from apolitical to DFLer in such a short period of time: "Up until the last three years or so, I had no background of political leanings or anything like that," she said. "But I'm really concerned about the direction the country has taken in the last few years."

Forgive me if I’m skeptical.

A Silver Lining on a Grey Day

I’m feeling a bit better, now. I can’t believe it, but Howard “The Duck” Dean has pulled me back from the Brink.

Regardless of the “deal”, I think the Dummycrats are in bigger trouble.

Foot: The Art of the Deal - A Fable About Pretextual Negotiation

Fred owned and operated WidgeCo: a small business that built and sold widgits. Business was generally pretty good, although he experienced a short downturn two years ago when he tried to market a new "retro" widgit, which was nothing more than a regular widgit covered with orange shag carpeting (he named this model the "Superfly 5000"). He took out a large loan from Bank to finance the purchase of the shag carpeting and collateralized it with WidgeCo's inventory. The cratering of the Superfly 5000 in the widgit market put a large financial strain on WidgeCo. He missed two payments on his loan in 2004. However, the downturn attributable to the failure of the Superfly 5000 was reversed by surging sales of his other models. He resumed making payments on his loan, though he remained two months in arrears.

Bank wanted to diversify its business by breaking into the widgit manufacture and retail market. Unfortunately, Bank had no widgit inventory, no resident knowledge of the construction of widgets, and no widgit making infrastructure. One day while Biff, Bank's Vice President in charge of Repossessions, was flipping through his files, he came across WidgeCo's folder. Looking through it, he discovered that WidgeCo was 2 months behind on it's loan. He noted the Bank's standard promissory note and accompanying security agreement signed by Fred in the file. The note included two clauses that pricked Biff's imagination:

4) DEFAULT. The borrower shall be in default of this agreement in any of the following circumstances:...

(c) borrower fails to make timely payment for two (2) consecutive payment periods...

7) ACCELERATION. If an event of default occurs, Bank may, at its option, declare the entire amount of the loan immediately due and payable. If Borrower cannot satisfy the terms of this agreement and extreme circumstances exist, Bank may seize any and all property offered by Borrower as security for this loan (in the security agreement attached hereto).

Biff knew that Bank had never in its history enforced the repo provision in its promissory note, preferring to go through the courts to obtain collateral on defaulted loans rather than by using self-help remedies. There were two reasons: first, it was just bad business; and second the legal department believed that the repo clause was unconscionably unenforceable - its use would likely expose Bank to lawsuits and bad publicity. But still...

Bill became excited at the thought that this plan he was formulating could be a ticket to a corner office and a seat at the executive table. After doing some research, he decided that the Widge-o-matic 3500 would be a good model to start the business. He knew just how he could play this chump; this "Fred".

With the loan documents in hand, Biff ran to his Beemer and sped off to pay Fred a visit.

Fred was helping a customer when Biff burst through the store's door.

"Are you Fred, the owner?" Biff asked.

"Why yes, yes I am," Fred replied.

Biff pointed to the opposite corner of the store, "We need to talk."

Once they were away from the customer, Biff started in: "I'm Biff. I represent Bank. Going through your records I noticed that you are two months behind on your debt to us." Biff thrust the loan documents toward Fred. "You will note that this puts you in default of the note you signed for bank. We are accelerating the debt, and you must pay it off now."

Biff let the words drift through Fred's stunned ears for a moment before stating the obvious: "you don't have the money, do you?"

"N-no," Fred stuttered.

"Well then. In accordance with the security agreement you signed, I will have to repossess all of your inventory."

"Whoa there pardner!" Fred exclaimed. "The value of my entire inventory is way more than the amount of the outstanding debt. You can't take it all."

"Oh yes I can," Biff taunted, "It says so right here in the agreement: 'all inventory.' If the sale of the collateral yields more than the amount of the debt, Bank will of course refund you the difference."

"But what will I do without any inventory? I'll go broke!" Fred started to sob.

"Tough darts, pal. You signed the note, and you defaulted on the loan. Time to pay the piper."

Fred was in full tears now, "Can't we work something out?"

Biff smirked. Gotcha. Set the hook.

Biff paused for a long moment. "Well. I suppose I could take some of your inventory, but delay the satisfaction of the debt until the value from the sale, and your continuing payments on the debt, pay it off."

Fred wiped the tears away, "That sounds fair. *sniff*"

Biff paused again so as to appear in thought. "Tell ya' what. I'll take all of your existing inventory of the Widge-o-matic 3500 and we'll call it a deal."

"But that's my best seller! How about my entire stock of the Superfly 5000?"

"Or I could just go by the agreement and take all of your inventory..."

"Fine. Take the Widge-o-matic."

"I'm glad we were able to reach this compromise, Fred. You have saved your business and the entire Widgit industry." For now, Biff didn't add. He suppressed a smile until his back was to Fred and began carrying Widge-o-matics out to his Beemer.

After Biff had left, the customer -who had witnessed the whole incident - came over to Fred. "That guy just handed you your ass, buddy," he said in a voice that was a perfect blend of pity and disgust.

"I know," Fred replied. "I just wanted him to like me."


I’m too irate to be coherent, but here goes:

The stupid, stupid bastards just took it up the backside without benefit of lubrication and screwed the Republican Party and President in the process. All while a spineless, neutered Majority “Leader” looks on with a lobotomized look on his face.

Does Frist not realize that 14% of the US Senate just decided the outcome of this little mess? I know that the “upper house” is all about protecting the rights of the minority, but allowing 14% to decide for the other 85% is not bordering on, but is square in the middle of stupidity.

As for our fellow “Republicans”: McCain, John Warner, Mike DeWine, Susan Collins, Olympia Snowe, Lincoln Chafee, and Lindsey Graham, not one damn dime finds it’s way into their reelection campaigns. And, dare I say, the RNC is going to find their own funds a bit lacking come next election cycle.

Nice agreement you nimrods. The enemy party gets everything they wanted and you toss aside the only leverage to keep them from filibustering.

Great negotiating assholes: Getting that indefinable “extreme circumstance” language was a stroke of genius. Are you so dense you can’t foresee an instance when the NAACP, Sierra Club, NARAL, NOW, Grandma Moses Knitting Club, and/or any other Leftwing Special Interest Group, will rise and object to W’s nominations?

If you can’t then you need to resign now because…IT HAPPENS EVERY GODDAMNED TIME HE NOMINATES SOMEONE.


And when it does neither you nor your “leader” will have the balls to object.

You have effectively kicked your President in the ass, and, I hope, ruined your political future.

I’m so pissed at this pile of worthless flesh, I’d be happy to give up the majority just to get a minority made up of real Republicans.

And as for you, Mr. McCain, don’t you tell me you just saved the Senate and the country. This country did just fine before you and will go on long after you’ve departed.

In the meantime, I suggest take that jumbo-sized thorn out of your ass and start supporting your President.

And Sen. Frist, you should take the summer recess to get that spine transplanted. Going through life as a slinky is not a good idea. And another thing, if you don’t bring these 7 into your office and strip them of every leadership roll they have, you will only serve to prove that you have ZERO leadership ability.

I’m already convinced of it, but there are still some holding out hope.



The Acerbic Irrelevancies Party made two important announcements today:

1) AIP has unveiled its new logo. The Republicans have the elephant; the Democrats have the donkey; the Greens have the pot leaf. In keeping with this American political tradition, AIP has taken the noble penguin as its mascot. Mad props to Bill for his art. The new logo is the perfect compliment to the party's motto: "It's a bad idea to piss us off".

2) The AIP intends to field candidates to run against the following senators: John McCain, John Warner, Mike DeWine, Susan Collins, Olympia Snowe, Lincoln Chafee, and Lindsey Graham.


That Sound You Hear...

...is Dementee's head exploding. We will have continuing bile-drenched coverage on Bendovergate throughout the day.

Unless Dementee had a stroke.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Need I Say More?

The S&S pointy-headed elites do a fine job of defining “compromise” in today’s dead-bloated-rotting-fish-flesh wrapper.

“The Republican governor's attempt at compromise deserves a response in kind from the DFL majority in the Senate… Compromise need not mean abandoning principles or priorities DFLers hold dear. It should mean nudging the governor toward raising enough additional revenue to adequately support schools without kicking the props out from under the working poor.”

What do this governor and other “Republicans” not get?

Look at the definition: “Compromise need not mean abandoning principles or priorities DFLers hold dear.”

In the minds of the socialist elitist slobs running this rag of a paper, not to mention every other moron with a “Happy to pay for a better Minnesota” sign in their yard, abandoning that which is held dear is the job of Republicans.

The Nanny-statists admit, in print, that compromise – in DFL terms – means pulling the Governor even further to the left.

In other words: Now that he’ ok with sticking the money vacuum into the pockets of smokers, it’s the job of DFL legislators to get that vacuum into the pockets of every Minnesotan.

These bastards are never satisfied. At the outset of this vat of regurgitated monkey spleen they wrote, “He finally displayed some of the flexibility Minnesotans expect from a talented man elected not to lead his party or posture for national office, but to govern this state. We're eager for more.”

We’re dealing with a selfishness that is usually only found in children. Can you imagine the arrogance one must have to make such a statement?

Thanks for the flexibility, Governor, but it aint good enough. We want more and we’re gonna brand you a racist, sexist, homophobic, warmonger until we get it.

And what’s this crap about, “a talented man.”? They don’t believe for a minute that Pawlenty is talented. This is nice way of patting the man on the back while twisting the knife.

Yesterday, in the OPEX section, this column served to welcome to Katherine Kersten as a new columnist and to float some future changes that can be expected later in the year:

Katherine's arrival fits with some of the broader aims of a redesign of the Star Tribune coming in September. As the staff looks ahead to the future of newspapers, we think it's vital to expand the reach of the paper for a wide base of readers, young and old, urban and suburban, conservative, liberal and independent.

Forgive me, oh pointy-heads, if I don’t by a word of this spittle.

You've pulled this rag so far to the left, the only way to pull it back is to tear it down and start over.

The Daisy Chain in Crisis: Day 6

The effort is underway by certain powerful sects of the Right Wing Noise Machine to marginalize KAR and NIGP (Daisy Chain Links Nos. 14 and 12 respectively). The past 48 hours have seen more activity:

* Certain elements of the Daisy Chain caroused at a secret location in St. Cloud, hosted by King Banaiaian Babylon Byonyang Economics Guy. And terming the St. Cloud location as "secret" is accurate, given our ignorance of the geography of that city.

* Meanwhile, the contributors to the blog dedicated to its own obsolescence lived large and very tasty sides of beef and large cocktails. They were no doubt planning on how best to twist the knife in the back of us marginalized daisy chainers.

And there was an assault from without:

* An attention addict well known in these parts had one too many cosmos Saturday night and went on a comment writing jag in the comment threads of various blogs. Her bender also included some breathless and obsessive posting on her own blog about the fallout from Snubgate. This serial point misser wrote some of the most point-missingest stuff I have ever seen. No links. Just surf around the MOB a while, and you'll find 'em.

So the walls are closing in on the Two Most Lovable Blogs in the MOB (TM). Conspiracies abound. Will we turn to the Dark Side, lashing out at our tormentors like Jedis cornered in a galactic coliseum? Will one of us reveal his true identity as Darth Sidious Sisyphus?

Stay tuned.

Pacifism Breeds Stupidity

Code Pink preaches suicide. OK, not literally, but their anti-every-war policy is can have the same effect.

The protest coincided with the release of a new book, "Stop the Next War Now," by Code Pink co-founder Jodie Evans, who was among the women who wore pink sandwich boards and passed out literature opposing the war [emphasis added].

"People are confused," said Evans, who recently returned from a trip to Iran, the subject of her book. "People are really confused. They go in the kind of deer in headlights stage, because when you're getting that many lies, it creates a sea of confusion. Bush knows that, he does that, they say these lies so confidently."

Let me get this straight. Jodie and her pacifist friends are protesting a war that doesn’t exist and she thinks it’s the rest of us that are confused?

Is it any wonder the Left in this country is losing their grip on political power?

They can’t even hang on to reality.

Tom Harkin Wants Government to Raise Your Kids

The second paragraph of this story is all you need to know about Tom Harkin, Commie Senator of Iowa.

Let me translate:

We can’t ask the parents of this country to tell their children “no” when a cartoon asks them to buy junk food. Can you imagine the chilling affect it would have on the development of the children, our most important natural resource, and the parent-child relationship if that child were made to cry because they didn’t get what they wanted? The answer is for government to protect the sanctity of the family; to keep parents from having to say no and children from being denied their demands. Peace, harmony and the friendship between parents and children are our top priorities.

In order to achieve this, I propose we bring the heavy boot of government down on the neck of any company that markets and sells products or services that are attractive to children. If the kids don’t know the products exist, parents won’t be put in the position of having to choose between their children’s happiness and acting like, well, a parent.

I can’t believe he could be so stupid as to show his true colors in so clear a way: "Shrek says yes, Mom says no," the Iowa Democrat said in an interview. "Dad says fruit, Shrek says candy. ... I want to know about Shrek. Does Shrek want you to eat [junk food]? Because he is going to be a bad guy if he doesn't shape up."

“Shrek say yes, Mom says no”, “Dad says fruit, Shrek says Candy”? Who do you suppose would win that argument in the Dementee house?

I guaran-damn-tee you wouldn’t be the animated ogre.

In Tom’s world cartoon characters may hold some decision making power, Barbara Boxer springs immediately to mind, but most parents live in the real world and teach their kids the difference between fantasy (Democratic policy) and reality.

We also have the backbone to stand up to the demands of our kids without government coming to our rescue.

Why don’t you spend some time on the real issues of the day and leave the American industry and the American family alone.

I don’t need your help, Tom.

Friday, May 20, 2005

You want radical, I’ll give you radical

I found this one in today’s National Review Online.

What’s most amazing is, this broad was confirmed with Republicans holing a majority in the Senate.

Call the vote, Bill.

Grow a spine and call the vote.

Reverse Moron Mail

This ought to make Flash smile.

There are some people that, despite the fact they reside on the same side of the political spectrum, will say something so mind-bendingly stupid; so inanely divorced from rational thought and reality, that it makes me want to approach said person with a megaphone and blare directly into his ear "GET OFF MY SIDE". I'm sure we all remember Jerry Falwell's (I think it was Falwell - please correct me if I'm wrong) remarks following the 9/11 attack - "the attack was God punishing gay people" or some such nonsense.

Today, the Strib prints a letter from young Jeremy. I'm sure the only reason this was printed was because the moonbat letters page editor was sure that the foaming-mouth moonbat lefty letters to the editor machine would chew this up like the red meat that it is:

I am disgusted with the recent letter writers who are happy to pay their taxes since they see them as an investment in their families via government spending.

This liberal, collectivist attitude is why more Minnesotans aren't outraged by the immorality of the income tax.

I am nowhere close to being in the highest income tax bracket, [and if this letter is any indication of your intelligence, you probably never will be -ed.] but I still lament the amount of federal and state income taxes that I must involuntarily surrender with each paycheck.
I do not view these as necessary investments in the community. Individuals should have the right to spend their entire earnings as they see fit rather than having the government spend some of it.

I am in my 20s and upwardly mobile. It disturbs me that as I become more successful and make more money, the government says it's just fine to take an even greater bite out of wealth generated from a service I provide to my employer.

The left-wing attitude is that I should take my medicine and turn over this money since I can more easily afford it. Liberals and the Minnesota DFL promote this never-ending class envy and enact punitive tax laws for those who are most successful in life.

Here's the part that really makes this guy look like a drooler:

Wealth is not a four-letter word, and I should have the unfettered right to spend or invest 100 percent of it at my discretion.

Jeremy XXX, St. Paul.




the unfettered.


To spend or invest...


! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !!

Ay carumba.

Alert readers of the KAR will recognize this as LearnedFoot Pet Peeve #43:


The legitimate role of government is to provide for the general health, safety and welfare of the people. It's in the Constitution. Now, the left and the right way have their differences as to what constitutes the "general welfare" and to what extent the government ought to provide it. But almost all of us can agree that there are some things for which government is essential, and that the private sector is not well suited to provide no matter how much faith one has in free markets: police and fire services, roads, military, provision of some measure subsistence for the destitute so that we don't have people starving to death and rotting in the gutters, etc.

Those things cost money.

The government gets its money through taxation. And traffic fines.

I'd love to see how one would privatize something like public highways. Or the military (I can just see a private military being shut down because of a strike by the Mercenary's Union Local 354 asserting that being forced into areas where they get shot at constitutes an unfair labor practice).

Now it's really nice to worship at the altar of Ayn Rand saying that the "individual trumps all" and not have any form of government at all, and convince yourself that you are being "intellectually honest" by following Rand's philosophy all the way to its end. But those of us that like to use our brains, instead of reading Atlas Shrugged as if it were the Gospel According to Luke, recognize that there must be some sort of balance between that which is good for the individual, and that which benefits society at large. Now, liberals want to tip that balance way over toward the "society" side, while conservatives like to go the other way. But only the biggest drooling moron on either side would obliterate the scale altogether.

Ask the Prince of Darkness Himself (whom I'm sure Jeremy admires). He'll tell you the exact same thing I just did.

Cake-Eating Blogger to KAR, Nihilist: "Know Your Place, Bitch!"

And so the rift in the Right-Wing-Noise-Machine-Daisy-Chain-Circle-of-Wankers caused by the Governor's snub grows wider. Today Mitch tries to put the cute and lovable bloggers at KAR and Nihilist in Golf Pants in our place.

Such condescention must not go unanswered. Unfortunately, there is way too much material in the Letters to the Strib today, so I will have to hand this one off.(*)

(*) Translation: While I am a man of above average stature, Mitch is a man of way above average stature who could slap me like a twig; not to mention that he likes guns, his blog gets way more traffic than this one and he hosts a radio show so therefore, any derision he wants to throw our direction would reach a very wide audience, thus I'd rather have someone else take the heat. He also is now the Governor's monkey which means he could ask for favors, such as having the Guv condemn my house and build a crematorium on the land.

Fruit of the Loon

In one of the most shocking discoveries ever in the social sciences, scientists have discovered that genocidal tyrants prefer to wear tighty-whities.

Now the question becomes: do tighty-whities inspire men to crush their own people, or is there something about being a dictator that inspires tyrants to crush their own balls.


Thursday, May 19, 2005

Call the Vote, Chicken Shit.

Bill Frist needs to be tossed out on his ear. If he lets this “compromise” take effect, he will prove to the world that he is missing an essential part of the male anatomy.

The Ball-less wonder from Tennessee is so damned afraid of being disliked by the Lefties, he’s not willing to do what has to be done.

I’ve got news for you, Bill; Harry Reid doesn’t like you now, neither do Drunken Teddy, Robert “Sheets” Byrd or any of the others populating the other side of the aisle.

Stop trying to make friends and lead you jackass!

I’m tired of the Republicans taking the power they have and throwing it out the window for the sake of making nice with the opposition. When it comes to kicking terrorist ass they have no problem, thank God, wielding the stick, but put them across from a bunch of Lefties and they turn to jello.

This compromise aint a compromise; it’s giving the Democrats everything they want and getting a token few judges in return. I guaran-dam-tee you, if the shoe were on the other foot, the Democrats would have pulled the trigger on this option months ago.

They don’t wait to cut your throat because they understand that an enemy not quickly dispatched grows stronger.

Dispatch this enemy, Bill. Pull the trigger and call the vote.

Do what you were put in charge to do or get the hell out of the way.

Maybe They Should Filibuster Her

Separated at birth:

Right-wing wingnut whack-job judicial activist Court of appeals nominee Janice Rogers Brown.

Whack-job Strib gossip columnist CJ.

What I Learned From NMN(*) This Morning

(*) Nonmonkey News.

Since KAR was snubbed by the Governor, we had to relay on the Nonmonkey Radio Craptacular to get the skinny on what exactly went on inside the mansion's walls that night (and inside the heads of those in attendance):

- Captain Ed has a gay man-crush on Governor Snub.

- The Canadian scandal Ed has been covering has dropped off the face of the earth because nobody cares about it.

- The Guv. scratched the bellies of all present at the reception, while they sat on his lap.

- (Me reading between the lines) The Gannon/Guckert scandal that had "new information" released a couple of weeks ago causing Nonmonkey to go into a materbatory frenzy speculating about Don Rumsfeld getting hummers in the White House has dropped off of the face of the earth because right wingers control all of the media.

- Kennedy v. Machine is run by an anonymous blogger (named Gary Miller)

(His wife's name is Jean)

(Who's a real estate agent)

(And he lives in Minneapolis)

(And he likes Miles Davis and Metallica)

- Something about "beer hall short-pants guys."

- If you have are invited to the governor's mansion, you are ipso facto the Governor's monkey. The fact you agree with him on a wide range of issues is irrelevant.

- Therefore, I can conclude that since the KAR and NIGP crews were not invited to the governor's mansion, we truly are the only free and independent thinkers that are major links in the right-wing daisy chain.

- Therefore, everbody should vote for the free-thinking and independent non-monkey candidate Sisyphus for Governor/President in 2006/2008.

Greatest Line Ever

Nihilist in Golf Pants has a new poll regarding the Governor's snub of several elements of the daisy chain this week:

Question: Was Governor Pawlenty justified in snubbing NIGP, KAR, Our House and the others?

Answer choice number 4:

Yes, the cost of the booze they would have consumed would have led to the lowering of Minnesota’s bond rating

It's funny 'cuz it's true.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Star & Sickle on Newsweek

(Sound of intense retching followed by coughing and, lastly, a hearty sigh)

Now that I’ve finished vomiting over yesterday’s CYMSMA (Cover your mainstream media ass) editorial from the pointy heads at the S&D, I’d like to offer a written comment.

Newsweek prints a story – albeit a small item – that turns out to be utterly without merit, the story leads to riots that result in 17 deaths and the radical Left Wingers at the S&S accuses the W of pressuring the media and intimidating journalists who ask tough questions: The White House response fits a pattern of trying to intimidate the press from exploring issues the administration doesn't want explored.

The S&S editorial board has gone start raving mad. It’s no wonder they’re trying to land the rights to reprint the blather Old Scout is going to be penning beginning in July. It seems they, too, believe Republicans to be lying, cynical, bastards.

"They continue to cling to the irrational notion that any allegation leveled against W’s administration is true until proven false. It doesn’t matter that there is no proof. To these morons, the lack of proof is proof enough that an investigation must be carried out: Only after the report had been printed did the original [unidentified] source back away from his assertion that he had seen the confirmation in a military report on abuse at Guantanamo. On reflection, he thought perhaps he saw it in other reports or drafts; but he did see it"[emphasis added].

Honest injun. I saw it somewhere. Can’t quite recall exactly where, but you can trust me. Just don’t use my name, OK.

And how did Newsweek describe this unimpeachable source, as a "senior government official". Someone the S&S further described as “a Cabinet secretary or someone fairly close to that rank.”

Hmm, “fairly close to that rank”. Define for me the term “fairly close”. Does that mean one of similar rank or one who sits in close proximity to someone of that rank?

I move on. Why is it that the S&S only mentions the riots in Afghanistan? Because writing about the ones in Pakistan and elsewhere won’t fit their agenda.

And you just knew this comparison was coming:

Besides, the White House itself committed much more egregious errors in the way it so casually used dubious intelligence to make a case for going to war in Iraq. As the blog Daily Kos pointed out Tuesday, McClellan seems to have a double standard. In his discussion with reporters on July 17, 2003, he was asked: Bush is "president of the United States. This thing he told the country on the verge of taking the nation to war has turned out to be, by your own account, not reliable. That's his fault, isn't it?"
McClellan responded: "No."

Apples and F*&% oranges you idiots.

Newsweek used one unnamed source with no corroboration, no second source, nothing to prove the allegation true.

Last I saw, and you on the Left can continue to ignore, W used intelligence gather from the US, UK, France, Germany, Russia, Australia, etc. etc., etc., even your beloved UN, to prove the case against Saddam.

Not one of those countries or the debating club disagreed with the findings. Even those who were on the take or disagreed with going in did not disagree with the findings of the intelligence.

Let’s bring on the intimidation:

The White House response fits a pattern of trying to intimidate the press from exploring issues the administration doesn't want explored. Compare it, for example, to the Dan Rather report on President Bush's military service. To this day, we don't know if what Rather reported was accurate or not, or to what degree it may have been accurate. Nor do we know whether the documents he cited were genuine. All we know is that CBS can't verify that they were genuine.

Get your heads out of your collective buttocks. They can’t verify the documents were genuine because they weren’t. Yet you continue to continue to claim the report may have been accurate, but we just don’t know for sure.

That’s right, the evidence central to Danny-boy’s allegation is proven – to all but the true believers – good for only wiping ones ass, and you still think the story has merit.

For the love of Pete, are really that dense, or are you simply so blinded by your Liberal ideology that you can’t simply say, “Holy shit, our guy Dan got caught. I hope the others in the Brotherhood are more careful.”

The least you can do is chastise him in public while yanking his wanker in private. Maybe then you’ll hang on to what little credibility you have left.

Now for the punch line:

Yet the hullabaloo caused by that incident appears to have intimidated other journalists from trying to pin down the full truth about Bush's military service. And now there will probably be less enterprise reporting on prisoner abuse or anything else that might embarrass this administration.

It also fits neatly in with the Corporation for Public Broadcasting's effort to muzzle public television and radio. This behavior seems so Nixonian, except that the current crew is much better at the press-intimidation game than William Safire and Vice President Spiro Agnew were. For Newsweek and other media that come in for this treatment, we have one word: Resist.

“Resist”. Kinda like Mr. Rather’s old ill-fated sign off, “Courage.”

Spare me the dramatics.

Am I to believe that all of the Woodward and Bernstein wannabes have been cowed into reporting on what the First Lady is wearing instead of taking down W.

W doesn’t need to strong arm the press into silence. You folks are doing a pretty good job of digging your own graves.

Gubernatorial Snub Creates Rift in Right-Wing Daisy Chain Noise Machine

Oh, this slap in the face shall not stand!

This injustice must be addressed!

This slight shall be avenged!

Apparently your humble correspondents at KAR and Nihilist in Golf Pants were not noisy enough (or maybe too noisy?) to be invited to the high-level meeting of the right-wing noise machine's confab at the governor's mansion last night. At the very least, we could have kept Elder from perpetrating his drunken orgy of plastic toy destruction (probably by puking on him, sending him home to change clothes).

And the Warrior Monk was there??????

Has he even written anything since Pawlenty's been in office?

And what's worse, the Guv. and the first lady have been implicated in an emerging perverted fish-sex scandal (scientific name: icthyophelia).

Governor Pawlenty must be brought down.

To that end, we are planning on running against Pawlenty in whatever election he next participates in. KAR and NIGP have officially formed a new political party tentatively called the "Acerbic Irrelevancies Party". The sole plank on our party's platform is to make Tim Pawlenty pay for this snub with his job. Sisyphus has been recalled from the Vatican, where he had been trying to bribe the new pope into making him a cardinal, and will be the AIP's candidate for Governor/President in the next election(s).

The Nihilist forthwith will change his party affiliation from Ambivalent Republican to AIP for his upcoming campaign for the US House of Representatives for the 6th District. . He continues to await his exploratory committee's findings regarding his chances of beating a cupcake in the race, and whether or not he actually lives in the sixth district.

I will be Sisyphus' campaign manager and spokesman during the campaign. Which means that a typical press conference might go something like this:

MSM Reporter: What is Sisyphus' position on tax increment financing?

LearnedFoot: Shut the f&*k up or I'll flick a booger at you!

Dementee has signed on as Sisy's speechwriter:

Sisyphus: (Addressing a crowd of his supporters) Me hate taxes. Me think that budget too big. Me going to eaaaaaaat anybody who think otherwise.

We believe that Sisyphus is just the iron-fisted tyrant type that will provide the answer to Pawlenty's gee-willikers-pasty-white-milquetoast style of governing. The people have been clamoring for it.

Look out T-Paw. Here come the Acerbic Irrelevancies.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

More proof Star & Sickle misleads readers

How's this for a headline:

"Email threatens House on eve of gun vote"

This is the play story on the Star Tribune website at 5:34 CDT - nearly an HOUR AFTER the email in question was found to be a hoax. In fact, it is looking more and more like a threatening email that was sent to Minnesota House members was composed and launched by an anti-gun, anti-conceal/carry moonbat, and still the Strib runs the headline - and lead-in copy - making it look like the email came from a pro-gun, pro-conceal/carry type.

It is only after clicking on the link, and then reading FOUR PARAGRAPHS INTO THE STORY that one learns the email appears to be a hoax. I literally could not believe how far down the story I had to go to get to WHAT SHOULD BE THE HEADLINE!!!!

The story is written for typical Strib readers who are incapable of critical thought, and who will not go beyond the first couple of sentences lest they get a headache from trying to read. These poor souls will determine that the crazed right wingers are at it again, hate mongers all.

They are still running and treating the story as if the email threat to the House members is the story, and not the fact that it was a sloppily executed scam by a bozo who should be the editor at this sickening excuse for legitimate journalism.

Why does this Guy Matter?

He’s the president of a, mostly, shitty little country that exports more illegal aliens than tequila. Yet, people take this fool seriously. Who the hell is he to lecture the United States of America about how to deal with illegal immigration? And how dare he talk about what jobs people do and don’t want. He’s is the overseer of an economy filled with jobs few – in any – people want.

Near as I can tell, the only people trying to get into Mexico are tourists looking to spend money. Any smart Mexican is busting their ass to escape the hellhole. And the moron tries to influence how this country deals with the ones lucky enough to escape Fox’s ‘paradise.”

I wish someone in the Administration would put him in his place thusly, “Hey, Fox, if you would spend more time worrying about creating a decent country in which people actually wanted to live, you wouldn’t have to worry about lecturing the USofA on how to treat your citizens that flow into the this country illegally. And another thing, until you disband your famous kangaroo courts I suggest you shut yap about requiring proof legal status to obtain a drivers license. How would your cops treat an American that entered Mexico illegally? Somehow I don’t think a fiesta would be part of the plan. So, I suggest you simply keep your mouth shut and stay south of the border until you have a real country and a real issue to talk about.”

I want to be a diplomat when I grow up.

Nuke ‘Em

I’m done. The issue of judicial nominations has been talked to death and it’s time for Frist to grab Harry Reid by the collar and seat of his pants and toss his Nevada ass out. And if Frist is not willing to push the button on the nuclear option, he needs to be tossed as well.

The Republicans spend too damned much time negotiating compromises on issues that don’t need it. Change the flippin’ rule and call the vote.

I swear to God, this grotesque dance that’s been going on reminds me of the parent that continues to warn the child but never follows through. In the end they avoid a confrontation, but the kid walks away with what they want without consequence.

Now while Frist plays nice-nice with Harry and Harry buries the knife deeper into Bill’s back - do you think Bill heard about the “loser” comment – there are 6 other Republicans working on a deal the a pack of Democrats that will end the filibuster.

What kind of deal, why, one that gives the Democrats everything and the President NOTHING [emphasis added]:

Under the proposal, circulated in writing, Republicans would have to pledge no change through 2006 in the Senate's rules that allow filibusters against judicial nominees. For their part, Democrats would commit not to block votes…except in extreme circumstances.

What the hell does that mean? Is there a definition of “extreme circumstances”? Keep reading[emphasis added again]:

Each member would be free to determine what constituted an extreme circumstance.

Every circumstance is extreme under this agreement. Don’t you just love a deal when you get to make up the rules as you go along?

Are these Republicans really that damn stupid? Of course they are.

They have no backbone for a real fight out of fear that some jackass voter who never voted for them in the first place will call and threaten not to vote for them next time.




"This whole showdown is a symptom of the bitterness and partisanship that prevails here in Washington," Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., said Tuesday on CBS'"The Early Show." He said there "should be a compromise out there that allows votes on most of the judges."





KAR Readers a Bunch of Puppy-Killing Freaks

Or you'd think so anyway.

When asked "Do you support killing puppies?" an astounding 95% or respondents replied with a resounding "yes!"

What's that? That's not the question I asked, you say? Well, let's have a look:

Do you support killing puppies?

Yep it looks pretty straightforward to me. And nearly all of you sickos answered in the affirmative.

Sick sick sick.

So are you telling me that my assertion that an overwhelming majority of KAR readers relish the thought of dispatching Fluffy to Doggie Hell is a distortion of the truth? Are you questioning my fairness? My reliability? My honor?????? There are three possibile scenarios that might explain the outcome:

1) KAR readers suffer from a deranged blood lust for puppies

2) Sisyphus voted "yes" 30 times because he thought it might be funny

3) Pollees were confused and thought the poll was asking about killing only rabid puppies

While I'm sure that there were gargantuan problems in the sampling as indicated in scenarios 1 and 2, we can't discount the fact that respondents - even ones as smart as KAR's readership - might have been confused by the question. Maybe amending the question to read "Do you support killing rabid puppies?" would have produced a more accurate result. My bad.

Oh and you 3 people over there that voted "no": stop looking so smug. How do you know that the poll wasn't asking about your support for killing rabid puppies? Do you actually favor keeping rabid puppies alive so they can suffer and infect babies? You cruel, heartless sickos! Did you think that the first sentence of that poll:

It is a common practice to kill or "put down" rabid puppies.

was completely extraneous? Why even put it there? I don't know.

I suppose I could have added a third answer choice: "yes - only if the puppies are rabid". But I didn't. My bad.

Of course, I am not a professional pollster, so I needn't worry about losing any poll-taking cred.

You people all make me sick.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Demolishing Divas

LF's Anger Management Counselor: *Sigh* Foot? Haven't you learned by now that when you get into a poo-flinging match with a monkey, you both get covered in poo, but the monkey doesn't care? Write a haiku. Now!

To fight snot with snot
Makes one sticky and gooey
Get me a kleenex.

LFAMC: That's better. Now go write about something constructive, like killing puppies.

Okie dokie!

Newsweek joins those who want U.S. to lose the War on Terror

There can be no more doubt about it. Newsweek, the Washington Post, and CBS News actually want the United States to fail in the attempt to bring a halt to large scale terror in the name of Islam, and in the attempt to bring liberty to those in the world who live under tyranny.

It cannot be stated any more simply or truthfully. These guys are not even pretending anymore. They are actively trying to ensure that America suffers defeat. How else does one explain Newsweek's fake story about guards at Guantanamo flushing a Koran down the toilet? Even if the story had been true, what purpose does reporting it serve other than to do exactly what it did - enrage the Muslim world, and demolish what little credibility we had secured with the Arabs in general while prosecuting the war? The fact that it was not true makes it all the more sickening. Why the Hell does anyone pay attention to, or give a damn what these people have to say at all?

These specific entities, and the MSM in general, have embarked upon a systematic and planned strategy to demoralize the American people and military, and to encourage and support Al Qaeda and other enemies of this nation. You lawyers tell me: Is this treason or sedition? Some people need to start hanging for this type of thing, that's how deadly serious it is. Newsweek could have seriously jeopardized our chances of winning this war by its actions, and someone needs to be held accountable.

Minor, but Telling

Doug Grow’s Sunday column provided an interesting glimpse into the weekend’s DFL (Dysfunctional, Farmer, Labor) Party convention at Augsburg. At the same time it gave readers a clear look into the petulance that is the DNA of Left.

Some will say I’m picking on a minor point, in fact, in an otherwise innocuous column, there is but one sentence that had me shaking my head (spot my emphasis if you can):

"Eighth Ward [delegates]," Higgins announced, bravely. "We need you to move from your spot and go to the riser [bleacher] seats in the back of the gym."

"Point of order!" screamed an upset delegate. "Why do we have to move the Eighth Ward? The Eighth Ward is already settled."

Higgins had sort of a Republican answer to the question.

"You're going to move because that's what we've decided!" she yelled into her microphone.

What a jerk. The convention is in a state of chaos because of poor – if not nonexistent –planning and he can’t help but take a shot at Republicans.

He’s a jerk, but he’s also very, very wrong. Gee, there’s a surprise. And in his wrongness he gives away the worst kept secret in modern political history – Lefties are paternalistic to a fault. They don’t trust people to make their own decisions themselves or to understand decisions on their behalf. The latter being the preferred approach.

Let’s strip the exchange down to its basic elements:

Q: Why?
A: Because I said so.

Sounds like a conversation I had with Thing 2 yesterday. The primary difference being…HE’S SIX.

Higgins’ answer to the delegate, also an adult I assume, was condescending and uncalled for. A mature adult would have explained to the assembled that there was a problem with the seating, they were doing their best to resolve it, but some people would have to move.

It’s SOP for the Left. You wouldn’t understand and can’t be trusted to do so, so accept our decision like good little boys and girls.

Whether the subject is personal protection, the sale of fireworks, motorcycle helmets, smoking, seatbelts, etc, etc, etc, the Nanny Gang wants to make sure that no adult in the state of Minnesota is free to make any decision.

You were as wrong as an exit poll Doug. A Republican would never respond to an adult in such a manner, but we do reserve the right to answer as such to our children.

Then again, maybe you were right. After all in Higgins’ mind, indeed in the mind of all good Lefties, we are all children who can’t handle the truth.

Like the headline says…Minor, but Telling.

A Baseball Glosary for Eloise

Eloise expresses befuddlement at baseball jargon. Doing my part to help her (and the Warrior Monk) out, I offer a primer:

hit and run: a play in which the baserunner begins running at the time the pitcher delivers the pitch in order to get an infielder to commit to cover the base to which the baserunner is running, thereby opening a "gap" in the infield for the batter to exploit.

pitcher: the guy standing in the center of the diamond who throws toward home plate a lot.

pitch: the throw by the pitcher toward home plate.

batter: the guy holding the bat.

bat: long wooden stick used to hit the pitch (see def. of "pitch" above).

base: those square things at the corners of the infield.

infield: the part of the field with sand on it.

field: the part of the stadium where the game is played.

baserunner: a guy standing on one of those square things in the part of the field where all the sand is.

home plate: looks like a base (see def. of "base" above) but is not square.

run: a score. Every time a player touches the nonsquare base thing, a run is scored.

WHIP rating: "walks and hits per inning pitched": only serious dorks give a crap about this. If someone starts talking to you about a pitcher's WHIP, walk away slowly as there is no chance you will ever have an interesting conversation with this person.

Umpire: those guys on the field (see def. of "field" above) wearing nice shirts and prescription glasses. American League umpires also wear hats with their names on them. In the world's oddest coincidence, all American League umpires are named "Al".

"beer inning": long-standing American tradition where if a run is scored in a beer inning, all wives must immediately purchase their husbands a beer. The beer innings are the 1st, 2nd, 4th, 5th, 7th, 8th, and 9th innings, as well as all extra innings.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

KAR Maxim No. 310: If the public perceives something as bad, the Left will blame it on Bush - Corrolary to maxim No. 310: EVERYTHING is Bush's fault

I really can't stand Pat Oliphant the political cartoonist. Judging by the stuff I read on the internet about him, I am not alone in my disdain. His regular M.O. is cartoons as catalyst for class warfare and envy, and he also likes to take swipes at 'slack-jawed' Red Staters from high atop his elitist perch. Since 2000, President Bush has been the target of many Oliphant renderings, and often when there seems to be no real connection between the lampooned subject and the president himself.

Now I do not begrudge Oliphant, or any other cartoonists right or inclination to to take satirical shots at the president. Far from it. I enjoyed all of the cartoon jabs thrust at Clinton during the Lewinsky debacle, the Whitewater scandal, the haircut on the tarmac, the ...oops, sorry, off topic. But I must object to works like the one here:

Once again, this could be hard to read, so I will transcribe the dialog. This is Oliphant's take on United Airlines' recent decision to default on employee pensions that has understandably angered many of United's employees. The Captain on the left says "Hey, how can United default on our pensions?" The two flight attendants say something about "A contract is a contract". Here is the jab: The first 'Fat Cat' putting on a parachute says "You have to understand that in these, the Bush years, a contract is meant to be broken." The other two are putting on their respective golden parachutes to jump from the mess that is United Airlines.

Now help me out here, but how at all is Bush connected to the United pension imbroglio? He isn't, and that's the point. The Left will take any situation at all negative and try to pin it on Bush. Oliphant has to take great literary license just to get Bush's name into the cartoon at all, referring to the "the Bush years" as though the time has been marked by continual breach of contract and dereliction of duty. Quite the contrary, Bush has proven to be every bit a man who makes a promise and sticks to it, so help him God and damn the consequences.

Please, somebody comment here and tell me they used this cartoon as a training paper for their new puppy?

DVD Movie Review

Movie: Closer (2004)

Rated R.

Directed by Mike Nichols;

Starring: Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, Clive Owen

Review: Natalie Portman in a thong!!!!!!!!

Rating: Five stars (out of a possible four)

Friday, May 13, 2005

Star & Sickle Attempts to Scare the Crap Out of You and Me

My head is throbbing from banging it on the desk. I’m not going to speak to the entire
bucket of warm phlegm printed today’s by pointy-headed elitists at the S&S, but I must respond to their not-so-veiled threats.

What threat, you ask? Read the following exerpt:

If Minneapolis and St. Paul voters say yes to increasing the tax on local purchases, the two cities will come out better than whole -- $8 million ahead in Minneapolis, $5 million in St. Paul. But that's a big "if" that puts at risk something basic and precious -- public safety. Cities use state aid to pay for police and fire services. If city voters won't agree to a higher sales tax, the police and firefighter layoffs in the two central cities could run into the hundreds. [emphasis added]

Shut the hell up, would you. Is there some law that mandates police and fire services be paid using only state aid? If not, then let’s see what we can do to find the money elsewhere:

1. How about scrapping mandated diversity training for city employees. That ought to save more than a few thousand dollars each year.

2. Stop buying those stupid flags that hang from lampposts and stop paying union wages to hang them up with the changing seasons.

3. Let the grass grow a little longer in the park. Not only will it save money, but it will better cushion the little tykes when they fall.

4. Trim the office staff. There are always more people than actually needed.

5. Other ideas…

I can’t stand when these candy-asses run to the tried and true fund-it-or-people-will-die argument. It’s the same with the butt-wipes who inhabit public schools that threaten to cut bus service to one per day if they don’t get the additional tax money they want.

My hope is that their type will one day become so scared they will achieve physical petrification.

When that happens we can stick them in the long-grassed, non-flag adorned parks as statues and let the pigeons shit on them.

Full Boat


Can someone explain why the Strib chose to publish this short excerpt cribbed from a WaPo article?

Among the four Marines killed and 10 wounded when an explosive device erupted under their Amtrac on Wednesday were the last battle-ready members of a squad that four days earlier had battled foreign fighters holed up in a house in the town of Ubaydi. In that fight, two squad members were killed and five were wounded.

In 96 hours of fighting and ambushes in far western Iraq, the squad had ceased to be.
Every member of the squad -- one of three that make up the 1st Platoon of Lima Company, 3rd Battalion, 25th Regiment -- had been killed or wounded. ... All told, the 1st Platoon ... had sustained 60 percent casualties, demolishing it as a fighting force.

From an article in Thursday's Washington Post by Ellen Knickmeyer

You can read the whole article here. You'll note that it tells a compelling story that goes well beyond the Strib's attempt to strip it down to a mere statistic. One paragraph the Strib omitted:

Many Marines complained bitterly that commanders had pulled them out of the fight at Ubaydi while the insurgents were still battling, to start the planned offensive. "They take us from killing the people they want us to kill and bring us to these ghost villages," one complained Wednesday on the porch of a house commandeered as a temporary base.

So I ask again: what was the point of printing that particular excerpt? On the op/ed page? Are they trying to demoralize? If not, explain why we almost never hear about the other side's casualties? How many of their number have our troops decimated?

Smells like Walter Cronkite. Or Hanoi Hannah.


Seems like Cliff May has declared war on on of the MOB's most beloved bloggers:

But an ideological conflict also must be fought -- a war against nihilism, supremacism, totalitarianism, Ba'athism and radical Islamism. Those who subscribe to such belief systems have no compunction about employing terrorism, genocide and other forms of barbarism to wipe out those who, they are convinced, block their path to glory and power.

Let the record reflect that I in no way intend to block the Nihilist's path to glory.

Please don't kill me.


Does anybody out there play poker? The Foot needs to scratch his Hold 'Em itch.

Poll This

"Scientific poll" is an oxymoron. Here's why:

A Strib poll published today asked the question (for some reason the question was not published online. This is copied verbatim from the dead tree version):

You may have heard recently about a dispute in the U.S. Senate about confirming judicial nominees, which has cast the spot light on the use of the filibuster. For more than a century, Senate minority parties have used the filibuster to block votes on things they oppose and prevent majority parties from having too much power. The current rule requires 60 votes to end a filibuster. There is talk about changing that rule so a simple majority of 51 senators could end a filibuster and bring matters to a vote. Should the Senate leave the process alone, or should they make it easier to cut off filibusters?

Not surprisingly, 48% of respondents said "leave it alone", and 36% said "nuke 'em".

That's the response from the final draft of the question. I wonder what the numbers would have been if the Strib's polling company went with what I imagine was the original draft:

You may have heard recently about a dispute in the U.S. Senate about confirming judicial nominees, which has cast the spot light on the use of the filibuster. The wingnuts wish to install nazi judges who will make it legal for Karl Rove to eat your babies. The valiant Democrats are the only ones standing in the way of this mass infanticide. For more than a century, Senate minority parties have used the filibuster to block votes on things they oppose, like judicially mandated religion, and prevent majority parties from having too much power. The current rule requires 60 votes to end a filibuster. There is talk about changing that rule so a simple majority of 51 senators could end a filibuster and bring matters to a vote. Should the Senate leave the process alone, or should they make it easier for Karl Rove to eat your children?

I'm guessing it would be 99 to 1.

I wonder what the numbers would be if they painted a more accurate picture of the situation:

You may have heard recently about a dispute in the U.S. Senate about confirming judicial nominees, which has cast the spot light on the use of the filibuster. For more than a century, Senate minority parties have used the filibuster to block votes on things they oppose and prevent majority parties from having too much power. Of course, those instances all involved legislation wherein there is room for compromise on the substance of the filibustered bill, as opposed judicial nominees which can only be subjected to an up or down vote. The current rule requires 60 votes to end a filibuster. There is talk about changing that rule so a simple majority of 51 senators could end a filibuster and allow the Senate to perform what the constitution commands it to do in these circumstances: advise and consent. Should the Senate continue to allow the minority to only allow a vote on those judges who are only to the left of Ruth Bader Ginsburg while labeling anyone who doesn't believe that the constitution is a "living document" as extremists, or should they make it easier for the Senate to do its constitutional duty?

Note to moonbats: no bringing up the fact that I didn't rip on the recent polls regarding Tim Pawlenty's high approval rating or the unpopularity of same-sex marriage. I'm just pointing out that the language of this question was incredibly slanted. I have no faith in any of these polls. Read the first line of this post again, and then please go back to Atrios where you belong.

UPDATE: I have put up a new poll using question drafting techniques similar to those of the Strib's pollsters.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

MU Au UPDATE: Ten Per Centers Take it to the Web

Ideas generally follow a certain evolution in public discourse. An opinion is held by an overwhelming majority of people. It eventually becomes conventional wisdom. After a while the conventional wisdom transforms into common sense.

We saw this process moving at hyperspeed during the past week. Marquette made a decision so bad that some 90% of the population that cared about it cried out in revulsion. Over the course of the next few days, the story turned from one about a University's decision, to one about the controversy and bad vibes caused by that decision (conventional wisdom). And from there, the Board of Lickknobs Trustees gave in, admitting defeat (common sense). End of story, right?

It appears that there are some that actually liked the Marquette "Gold". They are setting up a website advocating for the retention of that wretched nickname (it currently redirects to a cafepress.com page shlepping their merchandise, but it is said it will become an entity unto itself later today).

Why do I think that these people spent last summer on the Capitol steps shouting "Bush lied and kids died"?

Anyway, the catchphrase of their crusade is "Keep Gold Pride Alive".

You can't "keep" a stillborn idea "alive". It's just common sense.

More Fun on the Way

Hurray. We get to have another filibuster.

Global Warming?

Bull Sh#$.

Global Cooling is more like it.


Having half of my energy sapped by a the hangover resulting from riding the NyQuil Train (Now with opium!) last night, and using the remainder of my energy girding myself to play softball in this "weather" tonight, I'm taking the day off. But like the surly teacher who assigns homework over spring break, I'm not letting y'all off the hook:


Nihilist in Golf Pants et. al.: Garrison Keillor is back and he's still not lucid pissed off:

I enjoy, in small doses, the over-the-top right-wingers who have leaked into AM radio on all sides in the past twenty years. They are evil, lying, cynical bastards who are out to destroy the country I love and turn it into a banana republic, but hey, nobody's perfect. And now that their man is re-elected and they have nice majorities in the House and Senate, they are hunters in search of diminishing prey. There just aren't many of us liberals worth banging away at, but God bless them, they keep on coming.

The red meat is on page 2.

Assignment: Ridicule this piece, and Keillor in general, mercilessly.

Fraters Libertas and/or Mitch: See Keillor brain dropping above.

Assignment: Ridicule this piece from the perspective of a right-winger (or group thereof) that has seeped into AM radio from all directions.

Bogus Doug: Read the following letters:

Not open for debate

I breathlessly await the Star Tribune's next poll on civil rights. After telling us that the least educated and most right-wing Minnesotans are most opposed to marriage equality for gays and lesbians, what will those merry pranksters at the paper come up with next?

How about a poll on whether blacks or women should be allowed to vote? Perhaps a poll on whether people of different races should be allowed to marry each other. Such polls would be equally as valid as a poll on marriage equality.

Basic human rights are never a proper subject for popularity contests such as the Star Tribune poll.

Michelle Olson, Minneapolis.

Gov., listen to the Boss

It was Gov. Tim Pawlenty's choice -- and his loss -- to skip the Bruce Springsteen concert on Tuesday night.

Not only did he miss an evening of great music from a thoughtful and talented artist, the governor missed what he most needed to hear: the words of a truth-teller who sees himself in others and responds with compassion, an outlook sadly lacking in the governor's policies.

Julie Gilbert, St. Peter, Minn.

Assignment: Chose one of the above letters and pound the crap out of it. Extra credit if you do so for both.

Brother Gigl: Study the current status of the Marquette Nickname Kerfuffle. (Also note the poll on the sidebar of that link).

Assignment: 1) Predict the nickname that Marquette Board of Drool Trustees will chose. It need not (and if history is any guide, will not) be one of the answer choices in that poll.

2) Opine as to the nickname they should choose.

3) Rip on Cubs fans. A lot.


Technical Difficulties

You will note that our page header is missing. Unfortunately Bill, our VP in Charge of Blog Decorations, is in Chicago. (Nice timing Bill! Leave the state while we're in the midst of a blog name crisis!)

We should be back to normal by the weekend.

I could just restore the Mauve header...


...Or not.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

MU Au: Sweet Capitulation

Following mere minutes on the heels of this blog's courageous decision to admit that an irrelevant color-based nickname is stupid, Marquette has stepped back from the abyss.

We at the KAR feel that we are responsible for the Marquette Board of Knuckleheads Trustees' decision, which was obviously influenced by our leading by example. We welcome all the credit the masses wish to bestow upon us.

When the Gold name was announced, a lot of us asked: "what nickname could possibly be worse than 'Gold'?" We will get our answer to that question in the coming weeks, when Marquette's board announces the new nickname.