Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Gubernatorial Snub Creates Rift in Right-Wing Daisy Chain Noise Machine

Oh, this slap in the face shall not stand!

This injustice must be addressed!

This slight shall be avenged!

Apparently your humble correspondents at KAR and Nihilist in Golf Pants were not noisy enough (or maybe too noisy?) to be invited to the high-level meeting of the right-wing noise machine's confab at the governor's mansion last night. At the very least, we could have kept Elder from perpetrating his drunken orgy of plastic toy destruction (probably by puking on him, sending him home to change clothes).

And the Warrior Monk was there??????

Has he even written anything since Pawlenty's been in office?

And what's worse, the Guv. and the first lady have been implicated in an emerging perverted fish-sex scandal (scientific name: icthyophelia).

Governor Pawlenty must be brought down.

To that end, we are planning on running against Pawlenty in whatever election he next participates in. KAR and NIGP have officially formed a new political party tentatively called the "Acerbic Irrelevancies Party". The sole plank on our party's platform is to make Tim Pawlenty pay for this snub with his job. Sisyphus has been recalled from the Vatican, where he had been trying to bribe the new pope into making him a cardinal, and will be the AIP's candidate for Governor/President in the next election(s).

The Nihilist forthwith will change his party affiliation from Ambivalent Republican to AIP for his upcoming campaign for the US House of Representatives for the 6th District. . He continues to await his exploratory committee's findings regarding his chances of beating a cupcake in the race, and whether or not he actually lives in the sixth district.

I will be Sisyphus' campaign manager and spokesman during the campaign. Which means that a typical press conference might go something like this:

MSM Reporter: What is Sisyphus' position on tax increment financing?

LearnedFoot: Shut the f&*k up or I'll flick a booger at you!

Dementee has signed on as Sisy's speechwriter:

Sisyphus: (Addressing a crowd of his supporters) Me hate taxes. Me think that budget too big. Me going to eaaaaaaat anybody who think otherwise.

We believe that Sisyphus is just the iron-fisted tyrant type that will provide the answer to Pawlenty's gee-willikers-pasty-white-milquetoast style of governing. The people have been clamoring for it.

Look out T-Paw. Here come the Acerbic Irrelevancies.

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