Tuesday, May 17, 2005

KAR Readers a Bunch of Puppy-Killing Freaks

Or you'd think so anyway.

When asked "Do you support killing puppies?" an astounding 95% or respondents replied with a resounding "yes!"

What's that? That's not the question I asked, you say? Well, let's have a look:

Do you support killing puppies?

Yep it looks pretty straightforward to me. And nearly all of you sickos answered in the affirmative.

Sick sick sick.

So are you telling me that my assertion that an overwhelming majority of KAR readers relish the thought of dispatching Fluffy to Doggie Hell is a distortion of the truth? Are you questioning my fairness? My reliability? My honor?????? There are three possibile scenarios that might explain the outcome:

1) KAR readers suffer from a deranged blood lust for puppies

2) Sisyphus voted "yes" 30 times because he thought it might be funny

3) Pollees were confused and thought the poll was asking about killing only rabid puppies

While I'm sure that there were gargantuan problems in the sampling as indicated in scenarios 1 and 2, we can't discount the fact that respondents - even ones as smart as KAR's readership - might have been confused by the question. Maybe amending the question to read "Do you support killing rabid puppies?" would have produced a more accurate result. My bad.

Oh and you 3 people over there that voted "no": stop looking so smug. How do you know that the poll wasn't asking about your support for killing rabid puppies? Do you actually favor keeping rabid puppies alive so they can suffer and infect babies? You cruel, heartless sickos! Did you think that the first sentence of that poll:

It is a common practice to kill or "put down" rabid puppies.

was completely extraneous? Why even put it there? I don't know.

I suppose I could have added a third answer choice: "yes - only if the puppies are rabid". But I didn't. My bad.

Of course, I am not a professional pollster, so I needn't worry about losing any poll-taking cred.

You people all make me sick.

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