Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Once Again, a Moonbat-Eating Monster Shows Us the Light

Complaints about our new blog name have flooded our inbox over the past few days. The reaction to "Mauve" has been overwhelmingly negative. Most folks have been polite when registering their opinions, while some have resorted to all manner of scurrilous slander and even personal threats.

However, we have made the change and we are sticking with it. We will not, under any circumstances go back to "Kool Aid Report". To do so would be a spineless capitulation to popular sentiment and a tacit admission that we were wrong. We will continue -

Dementee: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Hey, D. 'Sup?

Dementee: ME HATE "MAUVE"!! ME THINK MAUVE SUCK!!!!

Well, that's too bad that you don't like it, but we're not going to change it.

Dementee: CHANGE NAME BACK TO KAR OR DEMENTEE WILL EEEEEEEEAT YOU!!

I thought you only ate moonbats?

Dementee: MOONBAT ONLY A "SOMETIMES" FOOD!!

Fine. But why are you threatening me? I'm your compadre. Didn't some chick recently tell you to "go f*** yourself"? Why don't you eat her?

Dementee: SHE FULL OF HERSELF!!! MUCH TOO FATTENING!! DEMENTEE WATCHING HIS WEIGHT!!!

I see. Well I'm still-

Dementee: DEMENTEE SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THESE SELF-ABSORBED PEOPLE RUNNING AROUND AND SAY "MY RIGHTS! MY RIGHTS!" PEOPLE NOT REALIZE THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE RIGHT TOO!!

Well, you're right. But what does that have to do with -

Dementee: AND DEMENTEE ONLY ONE MAN!! ME CANNOT EAT THEM ALL!!! MEANWHILE WORLD IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL; SPIRALING INTO ABYSS OF SELFISH CATERWAULING!!!!! *SIGH*!!!!

Whoa. You're using polysyllabic words. And I detect an attempt at syntax. And italics to indicate voice inflection. What's going on with you?

Dementee: ME ATE MOONBAT ENGLISH PROFESSOR THIS MORNING!!!!

Ah, I see. So what you're saying is that many of the decisions we make and the positions we hold carry implications that affect other people. None of us live in a vacuum, and that we must recognize that our relationship with others, even those we do not know, is a two way street. We live in a world of - what's the word I'm looking for?

Dementee: SYMBIOSIS!!!!

That's it: symbiosis. And that while one may think he or she is being put upon by another acting on sincerely held beliefs, to advocate for the compulsion of that individual to subordinate that belief is to be equally imposing of one's values.

Dementee: ME THINK YOU GOT IT!!!!

So you're saying that I should restore the name "Kool Aid Report" since the decision to go with Mauve was an arrogant assertion of power, without regard to others for my own self- aggrandizement that needlessly upset a lot of people?
Dementee: YES!!!

Okay. I'll restore the old name.

Welcome back to the Kool Aid Report.

Dementee: ME SO HAPPY!!!!

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