7:55 I'm here on location in the White House State dining room to live blog the Big Announcement. All the speculation, threats, recriminations, and threats of recriminations are about to climax.
7:56 My take: If my sources are sound - and believe me: they are - the nominee will possess the disciplined legal mind of Antonin Scalia, the charming wit of Benjamin Cordozo, and the rugged good looks of Byron "Whizzer" White.
7:57 Fred e-mails, asking how I know such things. Suffice it to say that I have it on good authority. You could say that I know this person that Bush is about to nominate like I know myself.
7:58 Biff e-mails to ask how I got access to the same room in which the Prez will be making his announcement.
Well, Biff, that's for me to know and you to find out.
7:59 The Big Moment is almost here! There's some dude in a red tie here with us. What's he doing here?
8:00 Here comes the Prez! I'm so excited, I could just pee. All those years of legal education, study and vast student loan debt have come down to this moment! I am shaking.
That dude in the red tie is giving me weird looks.
Why is he walking to the podium with the President???
8:02 Bush is about to divulge the name! Yes, I can finally divulge the secret that I've been keeping for lo these many days: George W Bush has nominated m-
WHAT THE F*CK???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JOHN ROBERTS???????? WHO THE HELL IS JOHN ROBERTS???!!!!!!!!
DAMN YOU BUSH! YOU LIED TO ME!!!!!!! YOU LIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!!
8:15 I am now mainlining Long Island iced teas. Bite me.
FINAL THOUGHT: At least its a conservative white male. That oughta piss off the no-mind dumbshit lobotomized "Diversity" people.
Need more booze.