Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Pack This Meat, Pinko

Brother Gigl (the other member of the Milwaukee Brewers Futility Support Group - Minnesota Chapter) notes this catchline in the online PiPress:

Socialists file for St. Paul offices

He shoulda' read the whole thing. If he did, there is no doubt that this quote would have made fire shoot out of his eyes, as did mine:

"The Cuban Revolution, I think, points the way forward for humanity," [Saint Paul Mayoral candidate, and noted meatpacker Jacob] Perasso said.

Yes, St. Paul voters with more than two brain cells have a viable candidate to vote against in the next election. Imagine life in St. Paul during the Perasso administration:

* Every resident would get a "free" rice cooker (A $200 value!)

* The most prevalent automobile would be a super Jerry-rigged 1976 Plymouth Volare (shared amongst 10 families).

* One would frequently see super Jerry-rigged Volares, converted into makeshift boats, floating down the Mississippi River, carrying its occupants to sweet sweet freedom in Cottage Grove.

* Four hour-long commencement speeches every year at Metro State Glorious Revolution University.

* College hippies stop wearing their unwashed Che Guevarra t-shirts and start wearing their unwashed Jay Benanav t-shirts.

* Weekly visits from Sean Penn and Alec Baldwin! Report that St. Paul is a "model society" to the remainder of the county that still has electricity.

* Mayoral decree that everyone attending a broadcast of "Prairie Home Companion" must laugh at all of Garrison Keillor's jokes under pain of death.

* Nonmonkey: Minister of Propaganda. The Ministry of Information is established in the back of a White Castle in Midway.

* Dementee makes millions smuggling out refugees.

* Sisyphus has enough material to last him the rest of his life.

* Grand Avenue renamed "Grand Leap Forward Avenue".

Everything else would pretty much remain the same.

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