Thursday, August 11, 2005

Nonmonkey's Inanity Stands the Test of Time

As much as I'd like to pile on pursuant to this, I wouldn't be fulfilling my blogging duties if I didn't mention the following.

Back in KAR's infancy, I had my first opportunity to fisk a Nonmonkey column. It was a truly revolting piece, replete with spittle-flecked invective, and nary a coherent thought to be found. You'll note in that piece (no longer available on the online version of the Strib), that before Nonmonkey discovered bloggers, he used e-mailers to angry up his blood.

The part of that brain turd with which I had the most fun, was this:

You sent me a ton of angry mail, Red: letters giving me "a one-fingered salute," telling me the '60s are over, that I should shut my cake-hole, and sending me a map of the country that seems overwhelmingly red. Until you study it closely while thinking about where you'd like to go on vacation someday. Do that and you discover that all the places you want to visit are blue.

I was incredulous that NM - the guy who knows stuff - had never heard of all the popular vacation destinations in Florida, North and South Carolina, Texas, Nevada (you know: the state that Las Vegas is in), Arizona, Colorado, Montana...

...et cetera.

Well...

This came to my attention via Drudge today: the top five most liberal cities in America.

Now surely on NM's planet, since the "red" states are so backwards, dumpy and rundown that nobody - NOBODY - would ever want to visit them, the "bluest" cities in the country must be the pinnacle of urban living; the most desirable places to live; the Shangri-est of American Shangri Las. Right?

Let's look at the list:

The fifth most liberal city: Oakland, California...

The bastard child of the bay area.

The fourth most liberal city: Washington D.C.

"The bitch set me up!" (And that quote was from the city's one-time mayor.)

The third most liberal city: Berkeley

A disappointing showing for this moonbat paradise. I can't speak to the niceness of the city since I've never been there, but I do know that the Bay Area (save for Oak-town) is quite nice. I'll give this city the benefit of the doubt. It better serves as the exception that proves the rule.

The second most liberal city: Gary, Indiana.

I know that there is more than one of you out there that snickered at the mere sight of the name "Gary, Indiana". It's a common reaction to the city that's most frequently used as the punchline of a joke.

If you've ever been to Gary, you already know what the song "Purple Haze" was really about.

And the most liberal city in America is:

[drumrolls]

[The gathered audience murmurs to itself: "oh, it's got to be someplace nice"]

Detroit, Michigan.

The city where the most common friendly greeting is "I'm gonna bust a cap in yer ass".

There. Now that Nonmonkey has a guide to where the most enlightened voters live, I'll bet he's already shopping for homes in one of those five bestest municipalities in the country. I'm sure will be seeing the tail lights on the moving van soon. It's not like he has to do a daily radio show anymore.

No comments: