Thursday, August 18, 2005

OPG to Sisyphus: "Let Me F***ing Exploit My F***ing Grief in Peace, You F***ing Fascist. Oh, Wait. Never Mind."

EDITOR'S NOTE: What follows is OPG's response to the distastefully scurrilous attack upon this poor, grieving fellow by a member of the Vikings Fan Daisy Chain Noise Machine.

And for the record, contrary to Sisyphus' assertion, KAR is biased against nothing, save for stupidity and all things Viking-related (which is often the same thing). What follows are the words of Obnoxious Packer Fan.

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Let me begin by saying that I shouldn't even dignify an unprovoked rhetorical assault on a grieving Packer fan with a response. Such classless behavior is to be ignored rather than encouraged.

But then I thought that this Vikings neo-fan, while gloating about a single playoff victory by his beloved Vikings last year - which resulted in nothing better for the Vikes than a lower draft pick - really merits a sanctimonious and insulting response. Sure, I could go into how his team one year went 15 and 1 while failing to make it to the Super Bowl; or how that same franchise has been to four Super Bowls in its history and never once, in any of them, had the lead.

I like to call it "Packers Envy".

But I won't stoop so low. I will try to show some class, and merely address this neo-fan Sisyphus' allegations.

FIRST. I am sure there is a picture of me out there somewhere showing me kissing Bob Slowik on the cheek. So what? I'm an obnoxious Packer fan. I kiss Packers whenever I get the chance. It is what I do. I have the restraining orders to prove it.

SECOND. I did once say that Slowik was "a great defensive mind". I was told that by both Mike Sherman and a Packers website. I always believe everything I read or hear from those sources. Besides, what I said before Slowik's suckiness became apparent is irrelevant. He waged a "nuclear war" of ill feeling and shitty defense in Green Bay, and should be called to account for it.

(Hmmm. "He waged a nuclear war of...." What a stupid, reality-impaired and unhinged thing to say. I wonder where I got that idea from.)

Do I sound righteously indignant? You bet I am.

THIRD: "Bates laid an egg as Defensive Coordinator and Interim Head Coach of the pathetic Miami Dolphins"

Uh. No. As head coach, Bates tripled the win total of his predecessor. Bates' predecessor, Dave Wannstedt, went 1-8. Bates went a respectable 3 and 4 with the same steaming turd of a team. Keep in mind the situation he inherited: 1) the Dolphins' star running back abandoned his team for the bong; 2) Star receiver David Boston got hurt and then failed a steroid test; 3) Their tight end got arrested. Still Bates managed to beat the eventual Super Bowl champs.

And if you look at the numbers, you'll see that Bates' defense really wasn't the Fins' problem. In fact, the team's defensive stats sagged once Bates was distracted by his head coaching duties.

Plus he's been a DC for 15 years. You don't have that long of a career if you suck.

FOURTH: Oh crap! I'm out of beer!

...

um...

Er, I think Slowik has gotten my point. I'm going home. Time to abandon "Camp McKenzie".

My next report will be from some tavern on the north side of Milwaukee. Until then: peace, out.

And: the Bears suck.

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