Tuesday, September 13, 2005

BREAKING NEWS: Senators Interpret Constitution to Provide that the Supreme Court is Actually the Head of FEMA

I've often wondered what the benefits of a lobotomy are. Why was it such a common practice for so long? Is relief from a severe mental illness really worth the diminished capacity for rational thinking? Today I discovered another advantage that could be derived from losing some brain mass:

You have a better chance of being elected to the Senate!

Duct tape your head - you are not going to believe this one. Typically, it stars the two most ridiculous idiots that have ever served in "The Club":

It took less than an hour before Senators considering federal Judge John G. Roberts Jr.'s nomination to the Supreme Court fell into disagreement over Hurricane Katrina.

STOP! Did you get that? We're at a confirmation hearing of the Senate JUDICIARY Committee, and we're talking about a farging HURRICANE. When you look up the term "non sequitur" in the dictionary, it says "see Chivas Regal".

Onward:

In their opening remarks, the two top Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee invoked the tragedy as a reminder of the gap between rich and poor and the need for a Supreme Court that wants to close that gap.

Only a poor shlub lacking brain mass could possibly think that this is a job for any court of, ahem, LAW, let alone the Supreme Court.

Once again from the top for the Constitutionally impaired:

Matters of public policy are for the legislative and executive branches.

Matters of determining how that public policy, as declared by duly enacted laws, applies to specific cases: the judicial branch.

You are not allowed to read on if you have not memorized that. (I realize that there are some that may have to stop reading here. C'est la vie.)

"Today, the devastation, despair facing millions of our fellow Americans in the Gulf region is a tragic reminder of why we have a federal government, why it's critical that our government be responsive," said Sen. Patrick J. Leahy, Vermont Democrat and ranking minority member of the panel.

"We need the federal government for our protection and security, to cast a lifeline to those in distress, to mobilize better resources beyond the ability of any state and local government -- all of this for the common good."

Remember, this is hearing of the JUDICIARY Committee. This fool is talking as though Roberts would be called on to stage the relief effort. This is truly a great country when one so ignorant of basic tenth-grade-level civics can be elected to the Senate. I'm surprised that Leahy, in a fit of confusion, didn't try to nominate O'Connor's successor himself.

How's your head feeling? A little pressure building up? Just wait - we haven't heard from the bloated sack of cognac from Massachusetts yet:

Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, the Massachusetts Democrat, said lessons should be learned from the hurricane.

"The powerful winds and flood waters of Katrina tore away the mask that has hidden from public view the many Americans who are left out and left behind," he said. "As one nation under God, we cannot continue to ignore the injustice, the inequality and the gross disparities that exist in our society."

Ah. I get it. Teddy is hoping that the SCOTUS will declare natural disasters unconstitutional.

I need to take a whole bottle of Tylenol.

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