Thursday, September 29, 2005

Come Again?

We interrupt the ongoing lefty blog Tom Delay Masterbate-a-thon to bring you this...

It took a really big band-aid to staunch the bleeding of my jaw after it hit the floor when I read this:

Anybody remember those really bizarre "they can't steal the election if it's not close" arguments from '04? You know, the ones where they acted like we were the party that rigs elections (or has the Supreme Court do it for us). Hey, I guess it worked then. Why not now?

I got to get inside this dude's head and figure out where that came from.

Whaddya think? Drugs, or messages received from George Sorros through his tinfoil hat?

Drugs are more fun. Lets go with that...

[LearnedFoot takes a long pull off the hookah, and drops the needle on the record. The opening strains of "White Rabbit" emerge.]

Okay, so Tammany Hall and those famous Chicago machines were Republican...

And all those dead people who voted in the 1960 election, voted for Nixon. And let's not forget those cool dudes, the Teamsters, who "helped" all those poor dead people vote. They've always been monolithically Republican. Duuuuuuuude.

Go ask Alice, when she was just small...

[LearnedFoot drops an acid tab]

Oh, what's that I see. Some guys slashing tires in Milwaukee. They must be Republicans! They're engaging in voter suppression!

And those 12 charges already filed in connection to the vote fraud in Wisconsin must be a figment of my imagination! As well as the joint investigation by Milwaukee's DA and the FBI!

And the white knight is talking backwards...

[Bong noises]

And nearly all of that fraud occurred in Milwaukee. If there's one immutable truth in this world it is this:

If you are a Republican and want to cheat in an election, the best place to hide fraudulent votes is in a city that reliably votes 65 / 35 Democrat in every election!

And you just had some kind of mushroom...

[LearnedFoot drops a 'shroom]

Ok ok ok ok ok. Here's a deep thought: somebody who votes 5 times does not disenfranchise 4 voters who voted the opposite way. However, requiring people to show a photo ID when voting - an ID that would be provided for free to those who do not have driver's licenses - would disenfranchise those voters who can make it to the polls, but for some reason were not able to obtain such an ID in the previous 2 years.

WHOA! Deep.

Feed your head, feed your head...

Oh, and this report doesn't exist. And the chairman of the organization that issued that report is not a lifelong Democrat who did not work on Jimmy Carter's presidential campaign.

Oh, and the mainstream media is actually right-wing.

Alright. I'm coming down now. Whew, that was some good shiznit!

...

Ah, hello there. I didn't notice you. How long have you been here?

...

Got any pizza on you?

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