Friday, September 23, 2005

The Impact Segment

Bill O'Reilly got into a little dustup with former transvestite-stripper-nuns interviewer Phil Donahue. The interview flared up into a full-on conflagration when Phil trotted out one of the stupider lefty tropes. O'reilly showed impressive restraint. I would not have been so charitable (joined in progress):

DONAHUE: You saw the pictures. Now listen. Listen. You wouldn't send your children to this war.

Foot O'Reilly: Oh I DID NOT just hear you say -

DON: You wouldn't send -

FOR: My children are 4 and 1. I doubt that the armed forces would take them. And in any event, if they chose to enlist, I'd be proud -

DON: You are part of a loud group of people who want to prove they're macho and send other people's kids to war to make the case -

FOR: No Phil. This is me being macho. [Punches Phil in the nose]

DON: Why you son of a -

FOR: [Punches Phil again.] Just sinking to your level of "discourse", Phil.

DON: How many more young men and women are you going to send to have their arms and legs blown -

FOR: [Begins beating Phil with a cricket bat]. C'mon Phil. Condescend to me some more, Phil.

DON: OUCH! Chickenhawk! OUUUUUUUUUUCH!!!

FOR: [Continuing to pummel Phil with the cricket bat] LISTEN YOU [*crack*] VAPID [*smack*] LOW-LIFE [*whap*] INTELLECTUAL LIGHTWEIGHT [*crack*]: IF ALL OF US [*smack*] WENT TO IRAQ [*plap*] TO FIGHT [*smack*] THIS COUNTRY WOULD FALL INTO A DEEP ECONOMIC DEPRESSION [*crack*] BECAUSE THE AMERICAN ECONOMIC ENGINE [*smack*] WOULD BE LEFT IN THE HANDS [*crack*] OF PEOPLE [*crack*] LIKE [*smack*] YOU [*smack smack CRACK*].

DON: help meeee Marlo...

FOR: Thanks for coming on the factor, Phil. Up next: the most ridiculous item of the day, featuring Flash's football picks.

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