Friday, October 21, 2005

Agents of Perversion Surround Us

I read the crushing expose of Senator Michele Bachmann, who has not condemned the Vikings Sex Boat Party. Since she hasn't condemned this behavior, obviously that means she's a committed supporter of orgies.

I decided to do a little bit of investigating. I have to say I'm completely shocked by what I found. THOUSANDS of Minnesotans have so far failed to attack the Vikings debauchery. I am apparently surrounded by perverts!

A partial list:
  1. Former governor Arne Carlson. On the one hand, it's disgusting. On the other, it's good to see the old guy still has a taste for rampant debauchery.
  2. Pioneer Press food critic Nancy Ngo has said nothing about the Sex Cruise, thus betraying a taste for naked football players. Whoah - don't touch that salad, you don't know where it's been!
  3. For that matter, Eva Young, despite having asked about half a dozen times why Senator Bachmann hasn't come out against piles of writhing Vikingflesh on the floor of our currently-recessed Senate, has not condemned it herself. Hmmmm. Curious.
  4. No word on whether Christina Aguilera has condemned the orgy. Or was involved, for that matter.
  5. Father Dennis Dease, president of the University of Saint Thomas? Not a single word. Parents, don't send your kids there!
  6. Strib Saint Paul columnist Joe Kimball? Nuthin'.
  7. But here's some good news: Charlize Theron is apparently also a supporter of lewd public whammajamma! She has not said word one about the Vikings' behavior. Yay!
But wait, I haven't attacked the Sex Cruise either!

I must be pervert, too!


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