Thursday, October 27, 2005

The Birth of KAR Was the Result of an Immaculate Conception

The Politburo Diktat is attempting to trace blog lineages by soliciting bloggers to cite their "blog fathers" - those who inspired them to start blogging. As we speak, bloggers from around the world are proclaiming their respective blog heritages in a vain attempt to push their daily traffic from 10 visits per day to 15.

Alas, KAR cannot participate. No big-timer birthed us.

Well, that's not exactly true.

The entity that KAR owes its existence to is not a blog. Nor is it an online magazine, televison or (especially) radio personality. No, if there are those who look to blame someone for KAR's existence, you need look no farther than...

Jane Smiley.

Who is Jane Smiley, you ask?

Jane Smiley is the dumbfuck bitch novelist / essayist who wrote this piece of congealed dog vomit.

WAIT!!!! DON'T FOLLOW THAT LINK!!!! Clinical tests conducted over the past year prove that you can lose up to 20 IQ points for merely glancing at it. As a public service, I will summarize it for you:

After the last election, the editors of Slate magazine asked some authors to write about why they thought the democrats keep losing elections, and specifically, why Kerry lost this one.

Smiley's theory: because 52% of the population is stupid.

That's right: if you voted for Bush, you were an irredeemable nitwit, whose very life is owed to some cosmic grace because it's clear that you don't have an adequate number of brain cells to keep breathing.

Oh, she put it in a much more "intellectual" way, by saying:

The election results reflect the decision of the right wing to cultivate and exploit ignorance in the citizenry. I suppose the good news is that 55 million Americans have evaded the ignorance-inducing machine.

(Ha! I fooled you into losing 5 IQ points!)

Of course Smiley - a Kerry voter to be sure - refuted her whole "Blue Staters are smarter" theory by writing this pile of shit, because her simplistic hate-filled screed, in all of its self-adulatory simple-mindedness, actually revealed that she herself was wading at the shallow end of the intellect pool.

But still this piece, and then all the moronic letters to the Strib that all basically stated the same thing in one form or another, provoked such rage in my gut that I felt something needed to be done to release it. I really don't take well to people who are dumber than me telling me how dumb I am. I'm sensitive like that.

My first impulse was to beat the effete elitism out of Smiley with an axe handle. But I figured that since assault is illegal just about everywhere, it probably was also illegal on whatever planet Smiley resided.

So I started this blog. To scream back. Loudly.

I had only looked at a blog once before then during the Rathergate thing. I figured if a bunch of guys crying foul using a medium I had never heard of before worked to get a message out, then it could work for me as well.

So that's why the mission here is not the dissemination of news or a forum for debate (more than one point-missing drooling moonbat idiot has referred to KAR as an "echo chamber" where "dissent is suppressed," which never fails to draw a chuckle); it's to whack elitist fuckwads who sorely deserve it upside the head with a rhetorical axe handle.

And to write haikus about floating football orgies and poop.

Nonmonkey famously reviled us local bloggers on his short-lived radio stint. KAR actually caught his attention a couple times, and it would not be much of a stretch to say that he reviled this blog more than most. What NM was too stupid to realize was that it was not he who was "shouting back" at the blogs; it was the blogs shouting back at him. And, at least in KAR's case, the best way to get us to go away was for him and people like him to shut the hell up.

Given the quality of discourse now, almost one year later, I think we're going to be here a while.

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