Friday, October 28, 2005

I Think That I Have Flash's Problem Figured Out

He has trouble with the meanings of words. For example, yesterday he wrote:

The fringe wins, and the President is even more of a lame duck then he was already.

Note that the link inbedded in the word "fringe" will take you to Bogus Doug's blog. If Bogus Doug is "Fringe," then I'm guessing that Flash sees someone like Howard "The Right Wing of the Court Issued the Kelo Decision" Dean is right down the middle.

Similarly, I think that Flash is having trouble with the terms "win" and "cover the spread" leading to his stunningly bad 28% accuracy rate. Talk about "fringe"!

Then again, I'm making the correct call 87% of the time; so I guess some "fringes" can be good.

Also, good news for Karl Rove. Flash wrote, just moments ago (emphasis mine):

Former RNC Chairman Ed 'Dizzy' Gillespie is marked to replace Rove once the indictment comes down.

Sounds like Flash is predicting that Rove will be indicted on some future date. This means that we will soon see Rove elevated to King, then ascend into heaven and be beatified by the Vatican shortly thereafter.

That is, if Flash's talent for predicting the future remains consistent.

Anyway, on to this week's slate:

1. Arizona @ Dallas (-9). OK, explain to me why you want either side of this bet. Josh McCown has hung onto the starting job because either a) he has a picture of Dennis Green in corpus flagrante with a goat on a boat on Lake Minnetonka or b) Mrs. Kurt Warner is lobbying to keep her husband home to take out the trash. Meanwhile, Tuna changes kickers and wonders if Quincy Carter would have thrown that duck at the end of the Seahawk game. People still think these teams are contenders. In the NFC, alas, they are.

Ugh. The first team to 10 wins! In a game that will be as low scoring as this one probably will be, you gotta take the points.

Pick: Cards.

2. Miami "@" San AntonioNew Orleans (-2). I thought at first -2 was the over-under number for yards gained by Ricky Williams. New Orleans beat Buffalo at "home" well and now gets the Fish. Paul Prudhomme must be contemplating jambalaya with this group.

WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP

This is The Lower-Ratings-Than-Saturday-Morning-Talk-Radio-Unwatchable-Game-of-the-Week!!!!!!!



AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Team Schizophrenic Nomads v. Team Doobie. Wretched wretched wretched. Yucky barfy barf.

Pick: Nawlins.

3. Jacksonville (-2.5) @ St. Louis. Am I the only person who's going to miss Mike Martz calling timeouts on 2nd and 6 from the Ram 24 because he just had a great idea/brain fart? Psst, St. Louis: Fisher DeBerry might be available. Am I the only person who thinks Bryan Leftwich is football's answer to the Black Knight? Stop telling me to feel sorry for David Carr -- the Jags seem to enjoy watching Leftwich get smacked like Curly Howard. This game's fun for two reasons -- you really need to pay attention to the Ram injury report, and these teams have never played each other.

I'm going to take St. Louis for no other reason than they're home dogs.

Pick: Rams.

DISCLAIMER: If you have used my picks in the past as a guide for wagering, might I suggest you take this week off? I don't like any of these.

Maybe Strommie can air a bonus broadcast of Taxpayers' League Live on Sunday Afternoon. It'd beat the hell out of watching any of these horrible games.

Well, not by much.

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