Friday, October 21, 2005

I'd Rather Eat Spinach Gratin Than Watch the Redskins - 49ers Game


For the first time, I went 1 for 3. Oh, it wasn't picking last week's winners; I was perfect yet again with that. No, I failed to guess 2 of the three games that King Bananaaoadhbnaian would select this week. Fortunately, there was nothing riding on that.

On to the games:

1. Kansas City at Miami (-2). The line opened with KC a 2.5 favorite in some places, and moved quickly to Miami at 1.5. The Chefs whipped up on the Redskins last weekend with some trickery, but still allowed an anemic offense to score 21 points against them. The Fish now have Ricky Williams back to catch footballs rather than rays and doobies, but he only got 8 yards rushing. It's eh vs. eh in this one, but not nearly as much as...

Erf.

Dear Kansas City Chiefs: there's a guy on your team - maybe you've heard of him? - Tony Gonzales. Try to work him into your offense, m-kay?

Actually KC looks good here receiving points. Unless some smoke from Ricky Williams' bong wafts over to their bench, making the boys lethargic.

Pick: Chiefs

2. San Francisco at Washington (-12.5). Wasn't so long ago that nobody thought the Redskins could even score 12 points in a game. Now they're favored by 12.5 on the basis of a rejuvenated Mark Brunell and a highly underrated Santana Moss. The defense figures to pin their ears back and have at rookie QB Alex Smith, who now knows he won't get pulled for Tim Rattay. If Smith can find the two young receivers Battle and Lloyd twice in this game, can the Redskins score more than three touchdowns to cover this line? Let's ask the gents.

Don't ask me, man. I have absolutely no idea -

***WE INTERRUPT THIS POST FOR A LATE-BREAKING "MORON MAIL"***

Closed circuit to morons: it's really time to kill this joke:

Don't speak for God

Applying the same logic that radical religionists used to declare Hurricane Katrina as God's vengeance for abortion, homosexuality et al., should we assume that the Vikings' on- and off-field problems are payback for Coach Mike Tice's public support of President Bush in 2004?

Just wondering.

THE REV. D0N R0LL!NS, HANSKA, MINN
.

First of all, I believe that there was only one person who made that statement (the same one who thought that we ought to be going around shooting South American leaders, I believe). And he is universally regarded by both the right and the left as a flaming goober.

Second of all, you are not clever. We've been here before: this is an ooooooold joke that was first alluded to by Nick Coleman. Considering the source, it's not a particularly clever one either.

So this guy is a "reverend," huh? How much you want to bet he's a Unitarian?

[Googling]

Bingo.

***WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY-SCHEDULED FOOTBALL PICKS, ALREADY IN PROGRESS***

- Fransisco's defense has given up 160 points this year (2nd worst in NFC) while the 'Skins' has given up a paltry 86 (3rd best in the NFC). On the other side of the ball, the Niners have scored 79 points (worst in the NFC) while Washington has managed a mere 83 (second-worst in the NFC.)

Where does that leave us?

This is shaping up to be one wretchedly boring game.

And as far as betting on the NFL goes, big point spreads signal danger.

But Washington is at home, and if there's a team in the league that they will be able to score on, it's gotta be the lowly Niners.

I will probably regret this but:

Pick: Skins to cover.

3. Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (-1). Now that Sargeant Slaughter has Tommy Maddox out of his system, can the Steelers get back to business with Rothliesbanaaaiaaaiaaaiiiian and the Bus? Time to find out how for real Carson Palmer really is, and if Chad Johnson will ever shut up.

Heh - "Rothliesbanaaaiaaaiaaaiiiian". I love that.

WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP

Yes, this is the Grecian-Formula-Make-Your-Beard-Turn-Gray-Nail-Biter-Line-of-the-Week:



This is easily the best game between two competent teams this weekend. Cinci is looking like the real deal, while da' Steelers lost last week when they were forced to use a facsimile of a quarterback for the injured Rothlesbaniaiaiaiaian. Pittsburgh needs this game and they need it bad. And the Bengals, while they are quite good, are young and will get knocked down a peg by a bunch of wily veterans that have been there before.

Pick: Steelaz.

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