Friday, October 28, 2005

Markets Indicate a Large Number of Liberals Pleasuring Themselves

As of 11:00 am CDT today, the Dow Jones Industrial Average is up 98.78 points on heavy trading. Experts attribute this surge to record sales of hand lotion and Kleenex in the past 2 days.

In urelated news, special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald is expected to issue information regarding his investigation at 11:00 am CDT today.

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