Friday, October 07, 2005

Quickie Picks



Since King was so late putting forth this week's games, I haven't had adequate time to do my usual in-depth analysis and number-crunching that has thus far made me so successful. As always, King's remarks are in italic:

1. Chicago at Cleveland (-3) -- A week after proclaiming them the favorites in the NFC Worthless, the Bears are back to earth and getting a FG from the Browns. Browns have beaten the Packers in Green Bay, which no longer has any cachet, but they also have Trent Dilfer and the cast of unknowns. A game where the QBs are Dilfer and Kyle Orton. Somewhere Pete Rozelle is lighting up another heater.

In this game, the first team to score 4 points wins. I think that Cleveland may score as many as 7.

Pick: Browns.

OPG ADDS: Plus, the Bears suck.

Baltimore at Detroit (-1) -- So Mooch gets Jeff Garcia, who has been as useful as Jerry with his injury, and so he's stuck with Joey Harrington. It could be worse: You could have Kyle Boller. The total on this game is 33; don't let your kids watch this one. But we'll make Foot and Flash deal with the carnage.

The Kitties beat the Pack in the Dome, and got blown out on the road against a sorry Chicago team. And they played one other game, that I don't have time to look up. Does this mean that they're a better team at home? Yes.

But that's kind of like saying that Mad Dog is a better wine than Night Train.

Still, the Ravens have fewer total points this season than its roster has indictments, so I'll hold my nose and...

Pick: Lions.

3. New England at Atlanta (-3) -- Here's the game everyone will watch. Minnesotans watched Atlanta run all over the Vikings, but the Vikes played like a team that thought the bye had already started. (Thanks Vikes -- I made $40 off you Sunday.) Everyone is saying how banged up the defense was, how LaDainian Tomlinson ran roughshod through them. BTW, the next time someone calls him LT, I'm going Theisman on their legs. Is this the end of the Patriots' run, or is Atlanta about to be the other side of the trap game of the week?

WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!

You know what that sound means?

This is the Chomp-on-a-Cigar-and-Think-Really-Really-Hard-About-It Brainbuster Line o' the Week!



AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Here's the deal: New England getting punked at home by the Chargers the way that they did last week told me that the Dynasty is over. And it is.

But I have a hard time seeing Bill Belichek (or however the hell you spell his name) losing 2 in a row. And (and this seals the deal for me) if Mike Vick does play, he will be hobbled, meaning you won't see a lot of Patriot linebackers sucking on Vick's vapor trails. Sure, Vick's backup - Whatzizface - ran roughshod over the Vikes' defense in a very Vick-like fashion. But face it: I could run roughshod over the Vikings defense in a Vick-like fashion. Even after eating a jumbo burrito.

Another observation to keep in mind: The Pats are a Boston Team. As such, the team needs to follow that fine Boston pro sports tradition of fostering a false sense of hope in its fans before crushing those hopes like a whoopie cushion.

Pick: Patriots.

UPDATE: Flash adds some much needed intrigue this week by only going the same way on one game.

Oh. And Flash informs me that the Fraters led a chant at Keegan's last night that went something along the lines of "Beat the Foot! Beat the Foot!" Since Bill and I weren't there to dominate Short Bus Trivia last night, I can only assume that they want me to lose this contest.

All I have to say to the Fraters is this:

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