Thursday, November 17, 2005

Moron Mail

Speaking of "noteworthy poop," here's a letter from a guy who appears to have trouble forming a coherent thought:

In a Nov. 14 letter, the writer asserts that American culture survives because it adopts portions of other cultures while retaining its original American cultural essence. This must come as quite a shock to the original Americans!

Uh oh. Here comes another rant about the plight of the American Indians. Dude, Columbus day was last month.

"The land of the free" is now carved up into plots of private property, and one can hardly walk five miles in any direction without trespassing.

I see, it's going to be a Socialist jeremiad against the evils of private property.

Just a quick aside, back before one "couldn't walk 5 miles with out trespassing," one couldn't walk more than 5 miles without getting eaten by a bear. Is that really preferable?

Continuing:

The original environment of this nation has been terraformed or paved over. Barter is gone. And don't even think about going to a remote forest, to build a little hut and live off the land!

Ah it's not a a rant about the plight of the Indians or Socialist propaganda. The point of this letter is to call us back to a simpler time; a saner style of living.

It's always been my dream to reside in a little hut in some remote forest and live off the land. Especially if I could get the hut by bartering for it.

Perhaps what he meant was that the dominant culture makes a few paltry conciliatory gestures to newcomers, and allows them to open up a restaurant. Wow.

Wow indeed! I have no idea what the hell this guy is talking about.

What I am quite sure of is that the recent rioting in France was not because, in the writer's words, "Multiculturalism does not work." The real culprit was -- and is -- economic disparity.
Ah ha! This letter is not about Indians or a Socialist deconstruction of private property or decrying urban sprawl while calling for a simpler lifestyle or immigrants opening restaurants.

It's about the French riots.

Wow.

Didn't see that coming.

Since France is basically a Socialist paradise with a gigantic welfare state, and the rioters all belong to a single ethno-religious group, I'm going to hazard a guess that the problem is multiculturalism and not economic disparity.

ANDR3W C. WILLFART, ROSEMOUNT (name altered to protect the confused)

Thanks for playing Andy! Please write more letters to the Strib. This was actually pretty fun. I had to keep my head on a swivel to follow you.

And that, my dear Ryan, is how it's done.

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