The votes have been tabulated, and no candidate was able to muster a majority of the vote. The polls will open later today for you to vote for one of the two highest vote-getters.
But before I get to that, I would like to thank all candidates involved for running clean, civil campaigns. Let's hope this final stage will be a little more acrimonious.
First, some of the losers would like to give their concession speeches:
From candidate Bogus Doug, who finished one vote short:
You are all a bunch of chuzzlewits! Where's my wine?
From Atomizer who was well out of the running:
Election? What election? Where's my martini?
From Sisyphus, who fell 6 votes short:
Go Arsenal! Where's my Absinthe?
From Mitch Berg:
All I can tell you, is that this loss gives me a soul crushing ennui. Where's my car? I think somebody stole my car right outta my garage!
David Strom, who failed to garner more votes than 'None of the Above" could not be reached for comment. Instead, here's a file photo:
And now here's a fact sheet on your runoff candidates, presented in the fair, evenhanded and unbiased manner that you've come to expect from us:
Candidate essay: DIE, LITTLE MOONBAT!!!!!! DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Endorsements: The Acerbic Irrelevancies Party. God. Chef's Union Local 494.
and his opponent...
THE MAWB SQUAD BROADS
Candidate essay: First the MOB - then the world! MWAH HA HA HA HA HA!!! We also make a mean tuna-noodle hotdish!
Endorsements: Rew, Howard Dean, Nick Coleman, the American Communist Party, Socialist Alternative, Code Pink, and NAMBLA.
Good luck to both of the candidates! Polls close on Friday.