Thursday, December 22, 2005

Grinch This, Bitch: Part One

All the KARnies in KARnation
Were happy and smiley.
But not Rosa Brooks,
Who hated Bill O'Reilly.

Defending Bill O'Reilly
Is something that makes us flinch
But this time is different
Since Brooks hijacked the Grinch.
Rosa hate hate hate hated the Factor
So we feel compelled
To crush this bitch like a tractor.

We'll fisk her to death
And ridicule her brain fart,
But since rhyming takes time,
I'll do it in two or three parts.

So you can read the first installment
And then take a nap
And then later, part two
Will fall into your lap.

One more announcement
Before I lance this bunyan:
The language herein
Is not suitable for young'uns.

So let's get this show going
With no further ado,
Here is Part One.
Stay tuned for part two:

The Whos down in Who-ville
Were a tolerant lot:
Who Christians, Who Muslims -- a Who melting pot.
Who Hindus! Who atheists! Who Buddhists, Who Jews!
Who Confucians, Who pagans,
And even Who Druse!
The Who First Amendment's Establishment Clause
Said, "No crèches in courts," and the Whos loved their laws.
Because somehow ... they worked. The Whos rarely fought,
Mostly, each Who did just what he ought

Ah, but what Rosa seems to ignore
That must give you pause
Is that the very same amendment
Contains the Free Exercise clause.
Though she is right:
The law worked well (it seemed),
Until some dickhead contended
The Pledge hurt his self-esteem.

Every Who down in Who-ville
Loved the Consti-Who-tion a lot.
But the O'Reilly, who lived up in Fox-ville,

The O'Reilly DETESTED the Who Consti-Who-tion,
He thought it was some sort of liberal pollution.
Now, please don't ask why, for I really don't know.
Perhaps it had something to do with his show.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
Or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his RATINGS
Were two sizes too small

Oh, so Bill hates the constitution -
If I get what you mean -
Because he doesn't see a right
In it to self esteem?

That is rather base,
And a stupid assertion.
I would kick your ass,
But it's not worth the exertion.

And if you did any research
You would plainly see
That Bill O'Reilly
Has the highest rated news show on cable TV.

So let me ask you Rosa
At the risk of being crass:
Are you a lying sack of shit,
Or is your skull filled with gas?

Well, whatever it was, bad ratings or tight shoes,
He stood there one Christmas, just hating the Whos.
"They're so multicultural," he sneered, "and wherever they're from,
They lack the good sense to just launch a pogrom!
There's no Who ethnic cleansing, no Who Inquisition,
If this PEACE can't be stopped, I may lose my position.
Those sensitive, tolerant Whos! It's quite grating.
I must think of something to fix my show's ratings!"

You liberals are funny
When you don't make me snore.
I'm surprised the Nazi reference
Came as late as Stanza Four.

Again with the false assumption
About the "low ratings"
Not to mention your thinly-veiled
And dimwitted race-baiting.

Here's a news flash, Rosa
And you won't like it a lot:
This "multiculturalism" you so love
Is the enemy of the "melting pot".

Where ages ago, diverse peoples assimilated
Now all we get is bitching about "cultures" deflated.

It should be apparent by now
That Brooks' head is full of goo.
But you'll have to tune in later
For installment number two.

No comments: