Friday, December 30, 2005

Iron Maiden and the Rolling Stones Can Teach Us a Lot About Whose Side Time Is On

Time is ... on my side. -Iron Maiden, Rolling Stones.

Has 2005 been such a crappy year for you that you anxiously await its end? It has? Well, that's too bad, because this year, you're going to have to wait just a little longer to, in a drunken haze, kiss that ugly chick you've never met before at midnight at whichever crappy New Year's party you happen to be attending:

Scientists are going to add a "leap second" to 2005. The extra second will be added one second before 6 p.m. Central Standard Time on New Year's Eve.

Leap seconds are needed occasionally because modern atomic clocks measure time with great accuracy, while the rotation of the Earth can be inconsistent.

The rotation of the Earth has been gradually slowing down, so leap seconds keep the clocks and the Earth from getting out of synch with one another.

I'm sure that the slowing of the earth's rotation is the result of Chimpie McBushitler's stubborn refusal to abide by the Kyoto Protocols.

I wish I would have heard about this sooner, so I could have petitioned the powers that be to add that extra second during Major's Thursday free beer special. Just think of the stupid bar tricks you could do:

WAITRESS: Last call for happy hour special.

LEARNEDFOOT: [looks at watch] ...


LF: ...

WAITRESS: You're running out of time pal.

LF: Hang on...

WAITRESS: [Now looking at her watch] You've got ten seconds left.

LF: Just a little longer...

WAITRESS: 4...3...2...1...Time's u-


WAITRESS: You know, you just missed the special, pal.

LF: [Holds up clipped copy of news article about leap second] Not so fast. I got my order in with a nanosecond to spare. HA!

WAITRESS: [Reads article for a moment] Wow! Are you a twerp! Yet I find you irresistibly attractive.

LF: I get that a lot. Now make with the beer. Chop chop. It's not like we're going to get another extra second this year.

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