Monday, December 05, 2005

KAR FAQ 69: Ted Nugent Can Teach Us a Lot About How the Taxpayers' League of Minnesota Controls Elected Officials

Dude, what've you got against hostas? - A. Flash, St. Paul.

Nothing I own three of them myself.

Did you know that hostas are one of the few truly gay plants? - E. Young, Minneapolis.

Oh really? Do tell.

Well, First of all they're very neat and symmetrical. And have you ever seen a hosta's flowers? What color are they? Lavender! I mean, HELLOOOOO? Can't get much more obvious than that!

I never really thought of -

And since you apparently like to pee on hostas, you must be some theocratic homophobe wingnut who -

[I have deleted and marked as spam the other 73 e-mails I received from this person]

Bogus Doug has been the MOB mayor for a couple of weeks now. What are his approval ratings? -D. Williams, Fridley.

Not good. His approval rating is at a pathetic 34%. KAR's crack team of statisticians attribute his low rating to the growing quagmire in the Great War Against Lefty Blogs (GWALB). His administration has seen an uptick in the enemy's aggressiveness in the past several days. There is, of course, the threatened lawsuit against one MOB member. But he also presided over the stunning loss of of seven-months' worth of archives of another member. Many analysts are saying that the DvK Episode may be Mayor Doug's Tet Offensive.

On the upside, his pick for attorney general was solid.

Silly Foot! Don't you know that the US forces actually prevailed in the Tet Offensive? The impression that it was a "loss" for the US forces was merely an impression left by the ultra-biased reporting of Walter Cronkite. - Pliny, Pompeii.

Hey, if I revise already revised history, I'm no better than those who revised it in the first place. Right? Especially when it gets in the way of a neat analogy.

There were some times that we got our asses kicked! And we should have been the ass kickers kicking their butts. Ass ass butt ass butt butt butt butt ass ass butt. Assbutt. - M Tice, Eden Prairie.

Um. I think you are trying to contact this guy.

Read any stupid letters lately? - Mara R3n!3r, Cambridge, MN.

Yes; notable for its panicked hysteria (emphasis mine):

Shame on Revenue Commissioner Dan Salomone for scolding school districts that used the Legislature's small increase in funding to restore their budget cuts.

School districts have been cutting into bone for years, thanks to the stranglehold the Minnesota Taxpayers League has had on our elected officials. The fat is long, long gone.

Perhaps if Salomone sat in on the painful budget-cutting process year in and year out, as many of us parents have done, he'd see the precarious state of our students' education. Does it really make sense to have 35 to 40 kids in a class? Who among us believes that's serving our students well?

First, Mara, take a moment to wipe the spittle off of your chin. And nose. And hair. And my entire body.

Please tell me which elected officials the TPL has a [suppressing snicker] "stranglehold" on? ( T-Paw doesn't count, since the "Health Impact Fee" was a good indication he didn't really take his "no new taxes" pledge seriously.)

Then take that number and subtract it from the total number of elected officials in Minnesota.

Now take a deep breath and be honest with me: does that really look like a stranglehold? In fact, if you've ever seen TPLM chief David Strom, you'd realize that he's too short to put a stranglehold on anybody.

Granted, he can look pretty scary:

I see that yet another blogger is copying your popular KAR FAQ feature. Are you going to sue him for intellectual property theft? -Sy Siphus, St. Paul.

Nah. All bloggers need some filler material. I think Gordon Lightfoot put it best when he sang:

The practice lives on from Sisyphus on down
To the blogger they call "Fuzzy Nietzsche"
B-material it is said will creep into your head
When posting fodder don't come easy.

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