Thursday, December 08, 2005

Moron Mail is Bigger Than Jesus! or I Don't Believe in Stone Temple Pilots; I Just Believe in Me.

Just when you thought it was safe to dust off that old Revolver LP, comes this:

Today is the 25th anniversary of John Lennon's death. Many probably won't see this as significant; after all, he was just a member of a band that played loud music, had long hair and talked funny.

But John Lennon was not just a Beatle, he was an activist for many causes. Being famous just made it easier for him to be heard. Through his music, he tried to -- and many say he did -- educate us all to the idea of world peace.

The neocons running America today should listen to "Give Peace a Chance." In "Imagine," Lennon sang about "living life in peace." He even gave us a Christmas carol: "Happy Christmas (War is Over)." The song has a simple message: "War is over if you want it."

He wasn't just a peace advocate. In 1972 he wrote "Woman is the N****r [sorry for the edit: I don't want anyone who would be googling that word coming here. - ed.] of the World," making a bold plea for women's rights before it became fashionable to do so.

More than 30 years later, as gays and lesbians still fight for the right to marry and to love the one they choose, some of our state legislators who would constitutionally ban gay marriage and civil unions should remember another line from "Imagine": "Imagine all the people sharing all the world."

So besides today being a day to celebrate John Lennon's music, let us also reflect on what he believed in.

As Lennon said in "Imagine,"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one."

MARK GUFEBALL, SPRING VALLEY, MINN.

Sweet. Merciful. Crap.

I don't know where to begin...

[Pinching bridge of nose]

I -

"War is over, if you want it"?????? Easy for a dead hippie to say -

Good Lord...

"Right to love who they choose"???? You need a piece of paper from the state for that???!!! This is just absolute -

*sigh* [Shaking head]

I think that -

No...

*sigh* [Buries face in hands]

[Composing self]

OK. Today I will rank the top 10 best Stone Temple Pilots songs. But first an errata:

Yesterday I ranked STP's No. 4 and Core as the fourth and fifth best STP albums respectively. I gave Core another spin this morning for the first time in a while and realized that it is far superior album to No.4. This is notwhithstanding the fact that there are 2 songs on No. 4 that are better than anything on Core.

KAR regrets the error.

Now, the top 10 Stone Temple Pilots songs:

10. "Sex Type Thing" - This song in the aural equivalent of being repeatedly beaten about the head with a frying pan. In a good way.

9. (Tie) "Ride the Cliche" / "Daisy" / "Seven Caged Tigers" These are the final three tracks of the Tiny Music album. Reminiscent of some of Led Zeppelin's more circumspect work, especially the bridge in "Tigers".

8. The secret track on Purple. The final song on STP's second album, it's a cheesy lounge song about... STP's second album. Sample lyrics:

The second album
12 gracious melodies
To listen
Include this number
Keeping you company

Well
Getting on the record soon
Grooving on an afternoon
Thats on my album too.

7. "Song for Sleeping". Weiland shows his vulnerable side in this song declaring his unconditional love to his infant son. Never fails to form a lump in the throat of this bile-chucking blogger.

6. "Interstate Love Song". Is there anyone who doesn't like this song?

5. "Plush" (NON-acoustic version). There was a reason that "Plush" was a super-giganto-megahit.

4. "Sour Girl" - Sweet song.

3. "Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart." Bizarre title aside, this track just absolutely rips. Rips.

2. "Unglued". If you listen to this song a few times you will generate enough adrenaline to give yourself a 50/50 chance of beating Swiftee in a fistfight. Well, maybe landing a punch. The only thing wrong with "Unglued" is that it's too short.

Oh, and God help you if you pick a fight with Swiftee after he's listened to it. Even if you are a large army.

1. "Glide". The closest STP got to making a perfect song.

There - go share that with the world, Mr. Gufeball. You Commie.

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