Wednesday, December 14, 2005

NonMonkey Forced to Abort in Mid-Cheap-Shot

How much does this guy make? For what? This?

But first, let's talk about a Norwegian sailor named Johannes Larsen, who jumped ship in New York City and became an undocumented American. Larsen was the maternal grandfather of former Attorney General John Ashcroft, author of the Patriot Act, now a professor at Regent University, which calls itself America's "pre-eminent Christian university."

That's right: Ashcroft is a descendant of ship jumpers. How does that eagle soar, pal?

Not very far, as we're about to find out, pal:

He jumped off ship," Sjursen said. I gasped: "Was he an illegal immigrant?"I think he did the paperwork and got [to be] American later," Sjursen said.

So then the answer is "no." Ashcroft's grandfather did it the right way.

One gets the feeling that Nick was typing on deadline. For if he had the time to get to the St. Paul White Castle to find another story, this "column" would never have seen the light of day.

Oh, and one more thing before I release you back into the wild, Nick:

JOHN ASHCROFT WAS THE ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE UNITED STATES. AS SUCH HE WAS BOUND TO ENFORCE THE LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES, INCLUDING THE IMMIGRATION LAWS.

Why don't you go jump into a harbor? Dumbshit.

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