Monday, January 09, 2006

Behind the Scenes: Production Meeting

LEARNEDFOOT: I call this meeting to order. Head of Alfredo Garcia, will you please lead us in our traditional beginning-of-the-meeting prayer?

HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA: Certainly. Let's all bow our heads.

Oh, Lord, we thank you this day for providing us with an unending bounty of dumb people. We especially thank you for your blessings today in the form of Suzanne Murky, who brought unto us an hysterical, drooling missive, rich in unintentional irony:

[Reading] If you have a kid under 21, you might want to look at Gov. Tim Pawlenty's plans around immigration. College kids often have a fake ID to get into a nightclub or bar. However, if found with a fake ID, your kid could end up with a year in jail, a $3,000 fine and a gross misdemeanor on his record.

It just goes to show the shortsightedness of policy based on fear. Our tax dollars would be going to pay for a 10-person enforcement team that could help put our own kids in jail.

SUZANNE MURKY, MINNEAPOLIS.

Amen.

EVERYBODY: Amen.

LF: God says, "you're welcome." Let's get underway. Bill, would you please read the minutes of our last meeting.

BILL: Okey dokie. Uh, Dementee threatened to eat everybody. Head proposed a motion to prohibit Dementee from eating us. Motion carried. OPG passed out, and we ordered pizza.

LF: Is there any old business to discuss?

BILL: No.

LF: Very well, lets move on to new business -

HOAG: Point of order!

LF: The chair recognizes the Head.

HOAG: Thank you. I move that we abandon the name "Blois"!

LF: Proceed...

HOAG: I'm sorry, but I can't stand "Blois". "Blois" is dumb. Let's go with another name.

LF: Anyone else have a view on "Blois".

BILL: I agree with Head. "Blois" is petty and puerile. I think that "Blois'" only raison d'etre is to attract attention. I think it's time to move on; "Blois" has jumped the shark.

LF: OK. Then to what shall we change our name?

[Silence]

BILL: I have an idea. I learned in one of my S&M seminars that participatory word association is a great way to spitball. One person starts with a word, and then the next person says the first word that pops into his mind. Then the next person in line does the same with the new word. Eventually, we may get something that can be used as an appropriate blog name. Get it?

LF: I think so.

BILL: OK. Everybody get into a circle. I'll start, and then we will proceed counter-clockwise.

[They all gather in a circle]

BILL: All rightee. Let's just start with our current name, "Blois". Now, Obnoxious Packer Guy, you say the first thing that you think of.

OPG: Massive tool.

BILL: Your turn, Foot.

LF: Blois.

HOAG: Massive tool.

DEMENTEE: BLOIS!!!!!

BILL: STOP! This is getting us nowhere. Lat's start wih a different, random word. And this time we'll go clockwise. Ready, Dementee? The word is "helicopter".

DEM: YUMMMY!!!!!!!

HOAG: Uh, dictionary.

LF: Words.

BILL: Adverb.

OPG: Kool aid report.

[Silence]

LF: [Guinness guy] Brilliant! [/Guinness guy]

LF: Those voting for renaming "Blois" as "The Kool Aid Report" -

BILL: "KAR" for short...

LF: - yes, "KAR" for short, say "aye."

EVERYBODY: AYE!

LF: Opposed?

[Silence]

LF: The "ayes" have it. Goodbye, Blois!

EVERYBODY: Yay!

LF: Here's to many more years of "The Kool Aid Report!" This meeting is adjouned.

No comments: