You are too cool for school. You've got that sweet bomber jacket, your hair slicked back and your Wayfarers on, baby. And when you're not wearing those Ray Bans, you wear those fly non-prescription glasses that are tinted ever-so-slightly yellow like Bono often wears. You are the president of the Avril Lavigne fan club ("The Sk8er Boi Network"), and you were the first person in your neighborhood to get the X-box 360. The world is your ashtray.
Oh, and you are geared up with your Blackberry. You are hooked up, logged on, plugged in. Your thumbs do more before 9 am than most people's entire bodies do all day. You get text-messaged so often that sometimes your peeps have to queue up in the ether to fire you an abreviation-laden snark.
The U.S. Supreme Court on Monday rejected an appeal by Research In Motion Ltd., leaving intact a patent-infringement ruling that threatens to shut down BlackBerry e-mail service to as many as 3 million of the company's U.S. customers.
The justices, without comment in Washington, refused to consider RIM's arguments that a federal appeals court improperly extended U.S. patent law to cover the service, whose central computers are in Canada.
The rebuff leaves the company with a dwindling number of opportunities to avert having to halt its U.S. service. A federal judge in Richmond, Va., is considering a shutdown after a jury concluded that RIM infringed patents held by NTP Inc.
And then your world comes crashing down around you. Bomber jackets go out of style. Your slicked-back hair makes you look like a goomba with acne. You discover that everybody thinks those stupid yellow glasses are dorky.
But you take solace in the realization that you really don't need to have the ability to electronically fire cryptic messages to others while sitting on the can. Hell, the person in charge of organizing Avril Lavigne's various fan clubs actually used the U.S. mail to send you that certified letter informing you that Avril was tired of the stalking and was getting a restraining order against you.
Life goes on.
(Kool Aid Toast to da Spizzonge.)