Friday, January 20, 2006

Hello Government? Would you be my kids’ parent?

Our kids are getting fat and contracting diabetes from the birthday treats their classmates distribute at school and the State should do ban the practice.

That is the conclusion of a heavily deluded woman by the name of Julie Risser of Edina.

A few excerpts:

Here's hoping candidates for public office consider the costly and lethal fallout from diabetes stated in your Jan. 17 editorial; here's hoping they get the need to "insist on habit-changing help from every public and private enterprise that can give it."

Wouldn't it be wonderful to have state policy that encouraged parents to drop the birthday treats and have children bring in their favorite book instead?

We could promote a love of literacy instead of contributing to a costly epidemic. It seems so logical; after all, education frequently competes for health care dollars.

My turn but, first, a question:

If kids have been bringing Tootsie Pops and cookies to school for years to celebrate their birthdays, why is it the problem of obesity and diabetes is a recent phenomenon?

Could it be because parents such as Julie Risser of Edina allow her children to sit on their asses playing video games for hours on end only to be followed by frying their brains on worthless television programs after dinner – which probably consists of high fat, low nutrition crap picked up at a drive through window because Julie and her overachieving husband both work full time to afford the mortgage on the larger-than-necessary-house and the toys needed to keep up appearances and therefore don’t have the time to cook a proper dinner for their ever-expanding children.

Or maybe it’s because Julie Risser and her overachieving husband ply their children with treats bathed in high fructose corn syrup to keep them happy and to assuage the guilt they suffer for having put the tykes into a kiddy mill – aka daycare center – so mommy could work full-time rather than raise their own kids.

Here’s my suggestion – grab your fat-assed kid by the ear and shove him/her into the yard. Force them to actually run and play. Make the little urchin break a sweat. Running in a video game is not the same.

And for God’s sake, raise your own damned kids. Stop looking to the government to act as the parent you won’t be. Stop abdicating the responsibility you and your husband took on when he knocked you up.

What’s next, a government supplied monitor to hover over Johnny and Susie to make sure they do their homework. Lord knows it would free up more time you can spend “finding yourself.”

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