Tuesday, January 17, 2006

MENSA finds a Winner in Bill Hofius of Minneapolis

My new best friend, Bill Hofius of Minneapolis is one of the most brilliant people I’ve never met and hope to never meet. His ability to draw flimsy conclusions based on irrelevant evidence is the stuff of legend. Here is just one example of his brilliance.

Let me boil it down for you: Because 78.8% of Minnesota adults do not smoke, Mr. MENSA 2005 infers that every one of those adults is in favor of smoking bans. By extension, then, the 21.2% of Minnesota adults who do smoke are against smoking bans.

What Billy Hofius of Minneapolis fails to take into account, however, is that not every non-smoker is as selfish as he is. There are non smokers, me included, who believe private property rights are more important than their own comfort.

His assumption also fails the Dave Thune test, in that Thune is the smoking, nanny-statist who proposed and pushed for the ban in St. Paul.

The one sentence that says it all is this: Will the real vocal minority trying to impose its will on the masses please stand up? (And put down your cigarettes first.) [I'm going to skip the part about protecting the minority from the tyranny of the majority]

Billy, Billy, Billy, how can one as freaking brilliant as you misread the basic facts of this case? I’m truly disappointed in you.

When it comes to imposing its will, you on the anti-smoking side of the aisle are tops.

It is you freedom-hating cretins who are changing the status quo and, therefore, imposing your will on the rest of society.

It is jerks like you who will be jumping on the anti-alcohol bandwagon now being pulled by the pointy-headed elitist pricks on the Star & Sickle editorial board because you view Big Alcohol as the next enemy to be brought down.

It is morons like you who are so blinded by your own idea of what the world should be, you are willing to strip rights from everyone who lives their lives in a way you deem inappropriate (God, I hate that word), or operates businesses you don't like.

You, and you ilk make me sick. As a collective, you are more dangerous than any terrorist organization because you use the force of law to destroy that which you hate and we can't unleash the power of the military to stop you.

I like my chances against a car-bomb driving Islamic maniac better.

What you don’t seem to understand, because you are too stupid to see outside you selfish world, is that the snowball you are rolling down hill will continue to grow until it crushes you and all of your anti-everything friends.

Take a hike, Bill. The country can do without your type.

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