Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Adventures in the Deep South of Political Rhetoric

Not all stereotypes are bad. Well, all stereotypes can be bad, but there are some that, if looked upon without some internal hair-trigger offense mechanism, can be quite wholesome, and even comforting.

Back in 1996, shortly after I graduated from the U of M, a friend of mine and I road tripped to the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta. Well, actually we went to Pensacola first because a friend of ours lived there, but that's another story. What happens in Pensacola...

...usually goes unnoticed as everybody is paying attention to one of the 300 or so daily wet t-shirt contests.

Anyway, while driving through Alabama, my friend's camera battery died, and we needed to get another one (as I recall, we were photographing other motorists' reactions to us mooning them - so remedying the dead battery issue was an urgent matter). We exited the highway just south of Birmingham and pulled up to this little general store. Outside the store were two older men in plantation hats sitting outside the eneterence in lawn chairs. As it turns out they were owners / employees of the store. They followed us inside.

All the camera batteries were behind the counter, so one of the gents had to help us. My friend tendered the dead battery to him, and he scoured the pegboard behind the counter to find the correct one. He didn't see it, apologized, and sent us on our way. Just as we were getting into our car, the guy ran out of the store, flagged us down and said he had finally found the correct battery. We followed him back inside, verified that it indeed was the correct battery, and bought it. As we turned to leave, the gentleman offered us one of those banal moments that make traveling to strange parts of the country worthwhile.

He said, "Y'all come back now, ya' hear!"

The only time I ever heard that phrase was on the Dukes of Hazzard, and maybe in some TV ad for The Grand Ole Opry. But at that moment, there was a singular comfort that we had indeed experienced "local color," that our lives were enriched to actually experience a sincere affectation of authentic Americana. For some strange reason, all seemed right with the world because some cracker I'll never meet again gave me the real thing; not just some facsimile processed through Hollywood or Madison Avenue.

Unless, of course, he had pegged us as yankees, and was saying the phrase out of some mocking, patronizing motive.

And similarly, I feel all is right with the world when some moonbat who "thinks" that "gay marriage" is not an oxymoron proclaims that anyone who disagrees with the proposition that a gay couple can't make babies must be filled with hatred:

Enabling hate

So [FOOT'S RULE OF "SO" - "anytime a letter to the editor starts with the word 'so' prepare yourself for a smug, self-important, logic-free diatribe and at least one failed attempt at biting, 'clever' humor." -ed.] Gov. Tim Pawlenty attended a funeral and "was appalled by the behavior and message and insensitivity of the protesters" (Star Tribune, Feb. 24), yet he sees no connection between his support for the constitutional amendment to ban marriage or civil unions for gay couples and the division and hatred it promotes -- such as the antigay picketers at the soldier's funeral last week in Anoka [Smugness - check; Moon-landing-sized leap of logic - check].

Maybe if we called it a fee rather than a marriage or a union, he'd support it [Failed attempt at humor - check].

TROY BOYTOY, MINNEAPOLIS.

Yes, the proposal for a Constitutional amendment to keep the law the same as it's been for 300 years is the same as 6 people drooling out "God hates America for tolerating homosexuality."

Pffft.

Pffffffft. Pfffffffffffft.

Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffft. Pffffffffffft. Pffffffffffffffft. Pfffft. Pfffffft.

Yet somehow I feel comforted in the knowledge that these people, as per usual, resort to slurs rather than reason. Pure. Unadulterated. Americana. (Gay-Marriage Debate version)

But wait, there's more:

Outside a military funeral, they chant "God hates America." We easily recognize the hate in the actions of this antigay group from a Kansas church. Jesus weeps.

Those wanting the gay-marriage-ban amendment are more subtle in their approach. Though our law already prohibits gay marriage, they tear apart churches over this amendment issue, all the while claiming not to hate gays. Jesus weeps.

NANCY BOY, BLAINE.

Hey, we found one that actually acknowledges that there's no such thing as same-sex marriage! Baby steps. Maybe when she discovers the underlying policy behind marriage laws will she finally let go of all that raging hatred for conservatives.

Yeah, you heard me: hate. You're a hater. You are a hate-filled hating hate monger.

Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate

Hey there, hatey McHatehate. You're just a big fat hate-filled hater!

(Have I won the argument yet? No? Ok: )

You people Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate.

Ahhhhh. Comforting. Didn't prove anything, but still...

It's Americana!

Y'all come back now, ya' hear!

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