Friday, February 17, 2006

Liveblogging My Day at Home With The Boy

UPDATED 12:45 CST - Scroll down

6:00 The one-year old is awake. I go to his room where he greets me with "Da" (one of his three words that refer to me: "Da," "Dada," or "Daddeeeeee"). I can tell by his use of the informal "Da," that he's in good spirits and loose. I think we will work on his vocabulary and language skills today.

6:05- I change The Boy's diapers and dress him. While putting on his socks, I say the word "sock" which he repeats (although it sounds more like "suck"). 5 minutes into the day, and he's already learned a new word.

6:15- After his bottle ("baba") it's reading time. I pick out one of his faves: Bear Loves Water.

6:20- Reading time over. He sees a bear on the TV and says "bears!". Twenty minutes into the day, and he's already using 2 new words. By bedtime tonight, he'll be performing Shakespeare.

6:45- Read Nonmonkey's latest droolfest. The Boy just learned several new words. I'm choking on my own rage. More later.

7:30- OK. I'm better now. Here's what I learned from today's NonSimian bottle of piss:

(Joe just said "piss". Aparently he can read now too. Baby Genius!)

Anyhoo, this is what I learned:

1) If you pay for an advetisment that supports the war effort, you are a propagandist.

2) If you are a dimwitted (and very, very fertile) local newspaper columnist who writes at least 2 tracts a week against the war, you are not a propagandist.

3) If you have a son who died in Iraq, and you use that fact to catapult you into the public eye so you can get your message out that you oppose the war, you have absolute moral authority and may not be assailed by anybody who disagree with you.

4) If you have a son who died in Iraq and you use that fact to catipult you into thr public eye so you can spread your message that the war is worth fighting and winning, you are being used as a propaganda tool and have no moral authority.

5) Opinions of stepmothers don't count.

6) Opinions of biological mothers do count.

7) Opinions of biological fathers are aparently not worth mentioning (take a guess why).

8) Speak out for the war = propaganda; Speak out against the war = speaking truth to power.

7:45- The Boy points to a clock on the wall. I say "Clock." The boy repeats the word (although he elides the "L" so it sounds like a very bad word. But I know what he means.) The kid is an absolute prodigy.

8:00- Just read this letter to the Strib:

A Feb. 11 letter writer suggested that the Minnesota veterans' ads "don't tell the truth." Does he honestly believe that the media do? Media, as a rule and not the exception, continually only show the bad things that are happening in the world, especially when it comes to the mistakes of whoever is currently sitting in the Oval Office. Maybe the writer would have us believe that everything on TV is real.

Having served in Iraq, I can tell you that yes the people we are currently fighting in Iraq are Al-Qaida and they were funded/trained and supported by the Iraqi government.

CHRIS V. JOHNSON, MINNEAPOLIS.

Interesting. He states that the Al Qaida in Iraq were funded by the Iraqi government. This is something that not even the Bush administration has contended. I wonder if this guy (who is an Iraq war veteran, which means he has "moral authority" - or in NonMonkey Planet he is a "propagandist" by virtue of his support for the war) actually knows something here?

How does he know Sadaam funded these Al Qaida? After all, he was in country. What did he see?

Prediction: His phone will remain silent as NonMonkey and the mainstream press continue their pursuit of "truth."

9:00- The boy strings together all the words he has learned today in a primitive attempt at forming a sentence: "Daddy bears sock clock." It actually makes more sense the way it literally sounded:

Da Bears suck cock.

This kid is brilliant. More later, maybe.

12:30- The Boy and I are watching Olympic women's hockey, primarily because there's nothing else on. I'm bored out of my skull, but The Boy seems to enjoy it. I caution him that while squooshing somebody into the boards at 60 mph may look like fun, the sport is populated by meatheads and hosers with mullets. I gently informed him that he will be expected to participate in more cerebral sports like basketball and football (the kid's built like a linebacker already). Baseball goes without saying, as he appears to favor his left hand and can bounce objects off of my forehead from across the room.

12:45- OK. The US women's hockey team lost to the Swedes, meaning they will not be going to the gold medal game. NOW CAN YOU FOLKS IN THE LOCAL PRESS STOP FRICKING INTERMINABLY FLOGGING THEM?????? NOBODY CARED ABOUT WOMEN'S HOCKEY BEFORE, AND THEY SURE AS HELL DON'T NOW!!!!!!!

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