Friday, February 03, 2006

Moron Mail

Duct tape your head.

First, an appetizer. CAUTION: People reading this in the first three rows may get covered with spittle (emphasis mine):

It is fitting you placed your two lead stories side-by-side (front page, Feb. 2). In the first, your headline reads, "Bush comes with a call to arms for young minds." In the second, you write, "House approves budget cutbacks / The GOP bill would rein in ... student loans and more."

[CAUTION: Empty rhetorical device masquerading as an unsupportable assertion ahead! - ed] At this stage, I can't imagine anyone who, in good conscience, can defend an administration that has finally left every child behind except for the most affluent. As for its existing "educational" programs, one can only state that testing is not education, that it does not enhance education nor ensure longevity of learning, and that many achievement tests are neither valid nor reliable.

Since the Senate has already approved Bush's latest roster of inhumane cutbacks -- most of which impact the disadvantaged, the elderly and students, it's time to start impeaching those in Congress who refuse to confront this administration about its lies, misbegotten ethics and daily illegalities. [The editor must have edited out the "BLEEEAGH-A-BLAAAARGH YEEEEERGH!!!! *spittle*" - ed.]

Our students are more important than a bunch of unscrupulous men in suits.

YEEEEAAAAARGH!!!!, MINNETONKA.

First of all, I see a lot of unsupported assertions about the impact of the student loan cuts. A lot of these people just chuck out the "less kids getting money for college" simpleton trope, without regard to the fact that the much of the government's role in student funding is as guarantor of the loans rather than funder of them. That means if a debtor defaults on his or her loan or dies (in which case, most federally backed loans are forgiven), the government makes the creditor whole. This allows the lenders to provide a much lower interest rate than it normally would provide to the least credit-worthy among us.

Did it ever occur to anyone that the incidences of student loan default have gone down, and hence less money needs to be appropriated?

Of course not! This is the worst economy since Herbert Hoover! (Which apparently featured a 4.6% unemployment rate).

Anyhoo, that was just an observation, not a statement of fact. Next year, you produce for me 1 kid who didn't go to college because he couldn't swing funding because of this budget bill, and I'll take it all back.

And what's this garbage: "it's time to start impeaching those in Congress who refuse to confront this administration about its lies, misbegotten ethics and daily illegalities."

This is what happens when you get your news from Kos and his ilk:" impeach him impeach him impeach impeach impeach impeach impeach impeach impeach impeach impeach impeach impeach impeach IMPEACH!!!! YEEEEARGH!!!!!"

Unfortunately, you can't "impeach" members of Congress:

Each House may determine the Rules of its Proceedings, punish its Members for disorderly Behaviour, and, with the Concurrence of two thirds, expel a Member.

U.S. Const. Art. I, sec. 5, cl. 2.

Back to college for you, pal. And wipe that spit off your chin.

Next on the shit parade, we have this (I bet this letter would be, like so cool, if you dropped some acid first):

As a mom and a grandma, I thank God for people like NASA scientist James Hansen, who is not willing to play politics with the declining health of Mother Earth ("NASA scientist claims attempt to censor him," Jan. 29).

I believe climate change is the biggest threat of our lifetime. Our response, if it is to succeed, must be both swift and well-informed. Getting the facts out to all of us is a critical first step.
Why do we always seem to be looking for the least we can do to protect our Earth? Why do we not instead put our heads together to create the most perfect world possible for our grandchildren?


DAISY MOONBEAM, MINNEAPOLIS.

*sigh*

[Shaking head]

*sigh*

OK, I'll say it one more time. 17,000 years ago, the land upon the which your dwelling sits, Daisy, was covered by a mile-thick sheet of ice.

And while I've got your attention, take a gander at the accompanying graph that charts the atmospheric CO2 levels (that's a "greenhouse gas") over time. Notice how the amount of CO2 shoots up during interglacial periods.

As far as I know, SUVs weren't in production 400,000 years ago. Pretty sure nobody was driving them 100,000 years ago either. Hell, humans were still trying to master walking upright back then.

Maybe homo erectus farted a lot?

Heh heh heh - I said "farted".

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