Don't have the goods on your bete noir? No problemo: just create alternate realities:
Lucky he was in Texas
While conservative apologists for the Bush administration again tediously complain about the liberal media kicking Dick Cheney for a hunting accident, Minnesotans might be interested to know that if Cheney had shot his best friend while bird hunting in Minnesota, he would have appeared in criminal court for his felony arraignment by now.
Even accidental shootings are felonies in Minnesota if the hunter has intentionally discharged a firearm under circumstances that endangered the safety of another [Yes, its an enlightened state of affairs when the law punishes accidents as felonies! -ed.]. Minnesota conservation officers will testify that a basic tenet of hunting safety is that you know for certain what is in the line of fire before you pull the trigger. If you don't, you're shooting recklessly and violating the law.
JAMES SALADTOSSER, MINNEAPOLIS.
Why stop there James?
If Dick Cheney had shot his friend on purpose, instead of on accident, then he'd be guilty of murder.
And if, instead of in a field, Cheney shot his friend in his own house after catching him in bed with Lynne, then he'd be guilty of manslaughter.
And if, instead of accidentally shooting his friend, Cheney stole his social security number, which he then used to open several lines of credit, and used all that ill-gotten money to pimp out his Escalade, then Cheney would be guilty of identity theft.
But that's not how it happened: Cheney ACCIDENTALLY shot his friend in TEXAS, so SHUT the FUCK up you PETTY midget-like MORON!!!!!!!