Monday, February 20, 2006

So, You Googled Your Name and Wound Up Here

There are two ways this could have occurred:

1) Your parents showed they had a cruel sense of humor by naming you Drooling Greasy Anal Discharge Moonbat Moron; or

2) You wrote a really stupid letter to the editor.

If #1 applies to you, or if you're merely a victim of an odd coincidence that caused your google searching to go horribly awry, you can stop reading now.

For all you #2's - read on:

Now I'm sure you're upset, as chances are good that we weren't too kind to your rhetoric. And I'm also sure your disappointment (dare I say, anger) is exacerbated by the discovery that, contrary to what you once believed, not everybody agrees with you and your dumb-assed opinions, and you were not universally regarded as Solomon descending from your lofty throne to bestow your wisdom upon the ignorant masses when your letter was published.

No. Most people who regularly read this little corner of the internet pretty much thought your letter revealed you to be an arrogant, dimwitted loser. A theory which was confirmed by the very act of googling yourself, which brings us to the post you are reading now.

Suffice to say, that any further action you take will be fruitless. You could leave an insulting comment, but it will be modified to mock you to the fullest extent possible. You could write us an angry e-mail, which - if the comedic possibilities are there - will be reproduced on this blog and mocked to the fullest extent possible. Your email will then be marked as spam and deleted from our inbox as a further measure to protect you from your ego, and yourself.

I know what you're saying: in the spirit of debate why don't we just write letters to the editor too? Actually, you're probably not saying that to yourself, since I'm fairly certain that you think that anybody who disagrees with you is a clod - a retarded Cro Magnon. But be that as it may, we don't write letters to the editor because: a) we don't debate here - we vent, and occasionally tell very off-color jokes (here's a good place to remind all our other non-moron readers of KAR's comment policy: "Keep it puerile"); b) The Strib gets roughly 35 bazillion letters each day to fill the customary 1 column-inch devoted to conservative correspondence, meaning there is a very very slim chance of actually "engaging" you in a "debate" via the Strib's opinion section; and c) If we wrote a letter to the Strib that expressed how we really thought about your letter, there is absolutely no chance of it getting published (as we're certain that the Strib's style sheet forbids publishing - along with Mohammed cartoons - the phrase "effete Karl-Marx-ball-licking shitheel").

In short, KAR is a one-way ranting machine, and nobody here gives a shit if you think we're a bunch cloddish proto-humans. Believe me: the feeling's more than mutual.

So, thanks for stopping by. Now go crawl back into your hole.

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