Monday, February 06, 2006

System Theory

To all you followers of The System, we here at KAR offer our congratulations on your early retirement. The System is 6 and 1 against the spread, and appears to be the most perfect betting strategy ever discovered. Its one glaring weakness is the Bears, whose historical suckitude has torn a rent in the fabric of space-time-logic, obfuscating the millions of variables that need be taken into account when picking against the spread. Think of it like a chess master playing a child, whose naivete is so baffling to the master that he is unable to predict the child's moves, and hence formulate a coherent strategy.

But after watching the game yesterday, I couldn't help but think that the Nihilist in Golf Pants isn't so inept at football betting; in fact I think he might just be jinx. I mean, the game yesterday was just downright bizarre. From Rothlesburger's non-touchdown (as revealed from every possible camera angle) to a simple off-tackle running play - designed to pick up maybe five yards - yielding a 76-yard Willie Parker touchdown.


I have one request for the Nihilist as he licks his wounds: Next year, bet on the Vikings.

Every week.

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