Friday, March 31, 2006

I've Won a Major Award!

I'm Rock Solid in the Blogosphere! How 'bout that?

As this is totally unexpected, I don't have an acceptance speech prepared. I guess I'll just have to wing it...

Ahem.

First off, I'd like to thank Sisyphus for finding me worthy enough to recognize with this prestigious award. I know that it took a significant amount of courage for him to do so, given that he is certain to face retribution from my long-time nemesis and his evil overlord, The Nihilist in Golf Pants.

Also I'd like to thank my lovely wife, Mrs. Foot, whose constant disapproval has kept me from blogging too much. KAR hasn't jumped the shark yet, largely due to her scoldings.

I'd like to thank my kids, The Girl and The Boy. Especially The Boy, whose penchant for mayhem and destruction has shown me what's truly important in life (self-preservation).

I'd like to thank Noted Marquette Alumnus Denbo, who could probably care less right now since he's currently in Key West sipping foo foo drinks and fending off the advances of that island's many many homosexuals.

I'd like to thank Iron Maiden. You mofos have taught me a lot!

I need to thank Atomizer, whose model I've followed over the past year (frequent and sustained self-medication).

Finally, but most importantly, I need to thank my cohorts. I would be nothing without them: Dementee, who has kept KAR relatively moonbat-free for about a year now; and the Head of Alfredo Garcia, who filled in for me while I was vacationing last June. You guys are the greatest!

Am I forgetting anyone?...

No.

[Pregnant pause]

You know, there are some assholes that say KAR is "out of touch". That we're too "extreme"; that we're "tasteless" and "profane." But we were the first to fisk disgusting recipes and use the phrase "regurgitated monkey spleen" while everybody else though it was too "edgy." Well, I'm glad to be out of touch! And this award provides not only validation, but also absolute moral authority to continue being disgusting.

Finally, I think the most gratifying thing about receiving The Rock Solid award is that it's really going to cheese off the Nihilist in Golf Pants. This once again proves how wrong he was to demote KAR to #2 on his Top 11 Blogs list. SHAME ON YOU MR. GOLF PANTS! SHAME ON YOU! WHEN EVEN SISYPHUS IS AGAINST YOU, YOU KNOW YOU'RE WRONG! SHAME ON YOU! SHAME ON YOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!

YEEEEEEEEARRRRGH!

1 comment:

Kevin said...

You stole the award from me. Hate you.