Monday, March 27, 2006

Moron Mail

We have an early leader for the Moron Mailer of the Year Award:

Church and city

Many on the Christian right love to create an uproar over events like the removal of "Happy Easter" signs from City Hall, because it allows them to pretend that they are some kind of oppressed minority.

All we ask is that this oppressive majority keep their Christian flag-waving out of our shared government buildings and functions.

The difficulty they have understanding this desire really belies their [CAUTION: TALKING POINT ALERT!] theocratic tendencies.

BEN DOVER, MINNEAPOLIS.

People frequently ask me: "Foot - as an expert on moronic communications to our nation's newspapers - how does one become such an irredeemable moron so that they get to be featured in 'Moron Mail'?"

My reply: "Practice. Lots and lots of practice."

Because I gave up swearing for Lent, it's awfully tough for me to put Ben here in his place. But I'll try.

If a picture of the Easter Bunny and a few colored eggs amounts to "your oppression," then you are beyond help. Frankly, I find it very hard to believe that you are not already dead from a) high blood pressure caused things that are truly offensive; or b) high blood pressure caused by a perpetual sense of outrage (EEEEEK! Look! There's a church! Don't we have zoning laws?????!!!!!); or c) an inability to walk and breathe at the same time.

As for the "theocrat" line: [expletive deleted] brain-dead [expletive deleted] is [large string of expletives deleted] line of "thought" you [whoa! really REALLY nasty expletive deleted] pretend to be an intellectual, instead a simple minded [not very nice phrase deleted] take it up [anatomically impossible expletives deleted]. Go listen to some [expletive deleted] Iron Maiden.

Jerk [expletives deleted].

For those of you who enjoy a little profanity, KAR mascot Bobo the Chimp weighs in on Ben's little brain pooping. You don't want to miss it. Just make sure the kids aren't around, and your headphones are on.

UPDATE: Ben's letter has really riled Bobo. Bobo has more.

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