Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Notorious B.I.L.'s 5 Point Plan for Winning the General War on Terror

Here is how I would change the game to win the WOT:

1. Have Secretary of State Rice travel to Tehran, Damascus, and P'yongyang and deliver a message: "If a nuclear weapon goes off in any U.S. or Israeli city, the three aforementioned cities will be destroyed within hours...no questions asked." Have her tell them that it will just be assumed that one or all of them - Assad, the Mullahs, or Kim Jong Il - was involved, and that they will be toasted immediately.

2. Next, once Rice is safely back in the good ol USA, hit Damascus with about a 50 megaton device airbursted at 20,000 feet over the city and obliterate it right then and there, just for the show of it. "Oops...sorry, we slipped. Wow, that really does do a lot of damage doesn't it?" I guarantee that would make some of these wack jobs in Iran sit up and take notice.

3. Invade Cuba! Who would see that coming? I bet we could have control of the island in about twenty minutes, and what a morale booster! Not to mention the added benefit of a potential expansion of Major League Baseball to Havana. Besides, isn't it about time we got rid of the last Communist regime in the Western Hemisphere?

4. Arrest Michael Moore for sedition and house him at Gitmo. This would keep the press in a coniption for as long as he were there, and they would have little time to devote to publishing sensitive information and revealing covert agents.

5. Annex Mexico. This would eliminate the border control problem (or shift it south to Guatemala) and give us another source of cheap oil.

If someone wants to help me formalize this and submit it to the defense department, that would be great.

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